Posted on 02/18/2015 6:48:34 AM PST by Gamecock
Death for the Christian and the non-Christian alike is the terrible fall-out from the Fall. While Christians should grieve with hope (1Thess. 4:13), even we still grieve. When your non-Christian neighbor experiences a death, you can sympathize with the real horror of a life ended and a relationship severed. What’s more, in a culture where death is either downplayed and ignored or set in the realm of dignified personal choices, you may be the only one willing to acknowledge its awful and inevitable impact.
When a loved-one of a friend dies, words come hard. In the emotionally-charged aftermath of death, it’s tricky to know how to extend comfort without sounding stupid or, worse, hurting our neighbor more than she already is. We want to be lovingly proactive, emotionally sensitive, personally sympathetic, and theologically correct.
All in the space of a hug and a sentence.
It’s a tall order, and the complexity compounds when we are comforting a non-Christian who is grieving the death of another non-Christian. With no understanding of the soul, no hope of eternity, and no trust in Christ’s return, our co-workers and neighbors can’t receive the same comfort we’d offer a believing brother or sister.
What do we say to the pagan co-worker who is mourning the death of her Hindu best friend? How do we approach our nice, secular neighbor whose even nicer, secular wife just died? What words can we offer the agnostic friend who just watched her atheist mom succumb to cancer?
Recently I read an article by Stanley Gale, “How Do We Comfort the Non-Christian in Grief?” (H/TThe Aquila Report) There, Dr. Gale helpfully lays out the theological landscape of death. Standing on his foundation, then, I want to build a bit further and make three practical suggestions. Let’s call it:How (Exactly) We Can Comfort the Non-Christian in Grief.
1. Acknowledge That Death Is Very, Very Bad
Death for the Christian and the non-Christian alike is the terrible fall-out from the Fall. While Christians should grieve with hope (1Thess. 4:13), even we still grieve. When your non-Christian neighbor experiences a death, you can sympathize with the real horror of a life ended and a relationship severed. What’s more, in a culture where death is either downplayed and ignored or set in the realm of dignified personal choices, you may be the only one willing to acknowledge its awful and inevitable impact. You can say:
I’m sorry. This is really hard.
This is so sad. I know you will miss her.
It’s okay to cry. Death is terrible.
If you openly lament death, you may have opportunity later to walk your friend backwards to sin—whose wages death is—and forward to Christ, whose gift is eternal life (Rom. 6:23).
2. Affirm That Human Beings Are Precious
Just as only Christians truly appreciate the sadness of death, only Christians can fully affirm the amazing privilege and value of life. We understand that human beings are more than a collection of cells but are actually image-bearers of the most-high God, knit together by him in the secret places, and given unique abilities, interests, and experiences. Though your non-Christian neighbor doesn’t understand all of this, you do. And in contrast to a culture where human life is cheap, you can testify to its value. You can say:
She was an amazing violinist.
He was so cheerful—he always brought a smile to my morning!
Her work with those school kids was remarkable.
Your valuing of life may one day lead to an introduction to the Lord and giver of life, “in whom we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28).
3. Commend the Loving Actions of Your Grieving Neighbor
Knowing that all good things come from the Lord, Christians can affirm common grace when we see it. The deeds of your grieving non-Christian neighbor have no saving merit (just as your own deeds have none), but Jesus says that even ungodly people can and do love others (Luke 6:32). We know that it is God who enables non-Christians to be kind and generous and faithful. And you can affirm these things by saying:
You took such good care of your mom at the end. I know you loved her.
He often told me how much your friendship meant to him.
I always liked seeing you out shooting baskets with your son after work.
And maybe someday these kind deeds will be the beginning of a conversation about the kindness of our God—revealed in the giving of his Son to die in our place.
It’s not just Asians, it’s billion of Others who “suppress the truth in unrighteousness”, denying the clear revelation of their Creator through what has been made. Because of this willful suppression they are all “without excuse”.
That’s square one, from the book of Romans. According to other Scripture (John), everything that has been made, has been made THROUGH JESUS. That means Christ is being preached to man “through what has been made”.
Something for all of us to consider, since behind errant views of death and judgment often lie accusations against God, who is GOOD!
Which is of course the premise of this entire article, isn't it?
“I would tell them I am sorry for their loss..”
I would as well. I would show the same sympathy towards them as I would a Christian or Jewish friend. Why? Simply because I know God is watching me, my reactions and listening to the words I speak. If I could comfort a grieving person (and a child of God’s even if they don’t believe it).. then I have done the right thing. IMHO.
dear ancient man,
For your kind endearing words;
“How about, “Get over it, they’re dead.””
Spoken at a time when someone just lost somebody close to them, someone that they loved and cherished, here is my retort ....
“UUMPH!!”
that’s me, applying the end of my size 10’s, to yo’ ‘nads, fool!
How about “Now that he’s/she’s dead, at least G-d ain’t gonna get any madder at him/her than He already is”?
Very judgmental; fitting for many “Christians” who claim to possess spiritual superiority.
Why not join ISIS? They’re into this people burning thing.....
The latter part of Luke 16 seem to give the best view of dying, both for the faithful and unfaithful, and we cannot expect someone “...from the dead...” to teach us more perfectly...Jesus died, came back from the dead and is our teacher today (Hebrews 1:1-2).
Yes, but they had tiny numbers of even nominal Christians over the centuries vs Europeans.
Why did such an extremely high percentage of Asians in particular choose to burn forever?
Could you be happy in the afterlife knowing what is in store for him or her?
I can’t know what motivates your question. My answer for my own fallenness is a firm “let God be true and every man a liar”. I agree with God against myself. Beautiful truth is that He swore BY HIMSELF (Who cannot lie) an oath that resulted in eternal salvation for any human being who comes to Him through Christ.
Why did so many Asians refuse his offer? Why did so many Kens? But you are alive, praise God, so BELIEVE in the ONE HE SENT!
Why do you assume that these Asian millions are choosing to burn? A man chooses to be damned only when he has had the Gospel of Christ fairly presented to him and then consciously rejects it despite the opportunity to understand and believe. The vast majority of these people have not heard the Gospel preached. They are raised in complete ignorance of Christ and His sacrifice for us. The Lord will judge each of is by the Luther we have been given, so the man who was raised in a North Korean concentration camp and never saw beauty or human compassion can’t be held to the same standard as someone who had the grace of a sweet, safe, loving Western childhood with exposure to God’s Word and to many blessings.
My question was actually why such an extremely high percentage of Asians chose to burn forever vs Europeans, most of whom were nominally Christian. IOW, most Euros took a necessary (but not sufficient) first step toward salvation.
One might say the vast majority of Asians didn't even try to make it to first base with Jesus:)
“Just as only Christians truly appreciate the sadness of death.”
Not sure I buy that. When I die, I know where I’m going. When an atheist dies, they are just dead - forever. Reminds me of the android’s poem at the end of Blade Runner:
“All these memories
will be lost
like tears in the rain”
Androids knew that once they died, that was it, and they fought like hell against that four year life span.
Christians can afford to be pretty sanguine at least, and pretty stoked at best, to find out that death is right around the corner.
I’ve asked questions like, “Do you think he’s really gone?” or “Where do you think he went?”
People grieving after someone they loved are pretty open to the idea that maybe they don’t really have to be gone, and that there might be a strong possibility you are going to see them again.
They make react strongly to the suggestion at the time (only one has), but most ask me what I meant by the question. Now you have an opportunity to explain it.
When you say 'dead', do you mean their consciousness does not survive?
Kind of like a fish. When I catch a fish, I cook it, then I eat it.
It’s dead.
To an atheist, there’s no God. No heaven, no hell, just being and then not being.
“A man chooses to be damned only when he has had the Gospel of Christ fairly presented to him and then consciously rejects it despite the opportunity to understand and believe. “
If this is true then taking the gospel to the ignorant is a criminal act. The majority will reject the offer and now that they are now longer ignorant, they will be condemned to burn for eternity. Whereas before they were safe in their ignorance.
The gospel becomes “bad news” for billions of people who would have been okay had they been left in their ignorance.
I'm in agreement, but it seems we are in the minority on this thread:)
Grieving is a selfish act. The dead do not care, they’re dead after all. The grieving shouldn’t make it all about them. So, “get over it, and get on with living.”
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Demonstrative of one who knows human nature not in the slightest. Grieving is the act of a human being.
Unless you’re a sociopath.
There is a difference between grieving and wallowing in one’s own self pity.
When someone is mourning a death you comfort them as best you can in love and kindness. Most people understand that death is part of life and we will all be there someday but even when you understand this it still hurts tremendously. Look for an opportunity to be the salt and light Jesus calls on us to be and look for an opportunity to witness. I have seen dozens of times when a self proclaimed atheist opened up to hearing the Gospel during a time of great trial. I truly believe that often God puts us in trials to open us up to him. Most people, even atheists, understand when someone is engaging them with a true loving spirit and appreciate it, even if they ultimately reject the specifics. Just knowing someone truly cares can be a tremendous comfort.
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