Posted on 02/18/2015 6:48:34 AM PST by Gamecock
Death for the Christian and the non-Christian alike is the terrible fall-out from the Fall. While Christians should grieve with hope (1Thess. 4:13), even we still grieve. When your non-Christian neighbor experiences a death, you can sympathize with the real horror of a life ended and a relationship severed. What’s more, in a culture where death is either downplayed and ignored or set in the realm of dignified personal choices, you may be the only one willing to acknowledge its awful and inevitable impact.
When a loved-one of a friend dies, words come hard. In the emotionally-charged aftermath of death, it’s tricky to know how to extend comfort without sounding stupid or, worse, hurting our neighbor more than she already is. We want to be lovingly proactive, emotionally sensitive, personally sympathetic, and theologically correct.
All in the space of a hug and a sentence.
It’s a tall order, and the complexity compounds when we are comforting a non-Christian who is grieving the death of another non-Christian. With no understanding of the soul, no hope of eternity, and no trust in Christ’s return, our co-workers and neighbors can’t receive the same comfort we’d offer a believing brother or sister.
What do we say to the pagan co-worker who is mourning the death of her Hindu best friend? How do we approach our nice, secular neighbor whose even nicer, secular wife just died? What words can we offer the agnostic friend who just watched her atheist mom succumb to cancer?
Recently I read an article by Stanley Gale, “How Do We Comfort the Non-Christian in Grief?” (H/TThe Aquila Report) There, Dr. Gale helpfully lays out the theological landscape of death. Standing on his foundation, then, I want to build a bit further and make three practical suggestions. Let’s call it:How (Exactly) We Can Comfort the Non-Christian in Grief.
1. Acknowledge That Death Is Very, Very Bad
Death for the Christian and the non-Christian alike is the terrible fall-out from the Fall. While Christians should grieve with hope (1Thess. 4:13), even we still grieve. When your non-Christian neighbor experiences a death, you can sympathize with the real horror of a life ended and a relationship severed. What’s more, in a culture where death is either downplayed and ignored or set in the realm of dignified personal choices, you may be the only one willing to acknowledge its awful and inevitable impact. You can say:
I’m sorry. This is really hard.
This is so sad. I know you will miss her.
It’s okay to cry. Death is terrible.
If you openly lament death, you may have opportunity later to walk your friend backwards to sin—whose wages death is—and forward to Christ, whose gift is eternal life (Rom. 6:23).
2. Affirm That Human Beings Are Precious
Just as only Christians truly appreciate the sadness of death, only Christians can fully affirm the amazing privilege and value of life. We understand that human beings are more than a collection of cells but are actually image-bearers of the most-high God, knit together by him in the secret places, and given unique abilities, interests, and experiences. Though your non-Christian neighbor doesn’t understand all of this, you do. And in contrast to a culture where human life is cheap, you can testify to its value. You can say:
She was an amazing violinist.
He was so cheerful—he always brought a smile to my morning!
Her work with those school kids was remarkable.
Your valuing of life may one day lead to an introduction to the Lord and giver of life, “in whom we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28).
3. Commend the Loving Actions of Your Grieving Neighbor
Knowing that all good things come from the Lord, Christians can affirm common grace when we see it. The deeds of your grieving non-Christian neighbor have no saving merit (just as your own deeds have none), but Jesus says that even ungodly people can and do love others (Luke 6:32). We know that it is God who enables non-Christians to be kind and generous and faithful. And you can affirm these things by saying:
You took such good care of your mom at the end. I know you loved her.
He often told me how much your friendship meant to him.
I always liked seeing you out shooting baskets with your son after work.
And maybe someday these kind deeds will be the beginning of a conversation about the kindness of our God—revealed in the giving of his Son to die in our place.
How about, “Get over it, they’re dead.”
Thanks for posting this. I have to admit, I hadn’t thought of that situation.
Don’t say “well, they’re in a better place now”. You don’t know that they are, and they might not be. Better to just be sorry for their loss.
"If you think she was suffering then, you ain't seen nothing yet." ?
Pretty close to what I was thinking. Grieving is a selfish act. The dead do not care, they're dead after all. The grieving shouldn't make it all about them. So, "get over it, and get on with living."
That’s only to encourage yet another mode of selfishness. Why push someone out of the frying pan into the fire?
I know that implied the /sarc tag...
Has God never approached anyone “on the way out” with a final and best offer... I cannot say that, I do not have a scriptural basis for it. It is up to each soul to refuse or accept God qua Savior (which is actually another way of saying the name of Jesus — in Aramaic this is Yeshua, or the Savior).
Statements like yours, lacking a context, only appear to depict a cruel and capricious God, rather than a God that respects our choices deeply enough to let us damn ourselves rather than having a puppet salvation shoved down our throat.
Profound AND compassionate. /S
I wonder why billions of Asians who have already lived and died over the centuries chose to burn forever. That is the fate in store for the vast, vast majority of them who were non-Christian, according to Scripture.
Why do you think they made such a choice?
Do these three things really help the person who is a non-believer?
I don’t think so.
Is there a volume discount?
How about, “Get over it, they’re dead.”
Fetal alcohol syndrome people and crack babies have very little problems with grieving over dead family members. It’s just another passing incident that has no meaning to them. Unless the food bowl doesn’t show up on time, then they react.
Acknowledging grief is important.
Nothing you say can help a person in grief, but since you brought it up, what would you say to an atheist who lost a loved one?
Again. The paradigm is non-Christian. I doubt they want to attend a Catholic self help program.
I would tell them I am sorry for their loss.
And leave it at that.
BTW, the Beginning Experience weekend is focused on the grief, not the religion. There are teams from other denominations — which, of course, won’t help an atheist.
But the help is there whether it ends with a Mass or a service of some kind.
Which is sort of covered in talking point 1.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.