Gay, Christian and … celibate: The changing face of the homosexuality debate

When Julie Rodgers came out as a lesbian at age 17, her mom responded by taking her to an ex-gay ministry in Dallas. Rodgers had grown up in a nondenominational evangelical church where she assumed being gay wasn’t an option.

“With ex-gay ministries, it gave me the space to be honest about my sexuality,” said Rodgers, now 28. Yet that same honesty eventually led her away from ex-gay ministries.

Rodgers spent several years in Exodus, the now-defunct ex-gay ministry, before deciding she couldn’t become straight after trying to date men. Instead, she has chosen celibacy.

When Exodus shut down in 2013, some said it spelled the end of ex-gay ministries that encourage reparative or conversion therapy for gays to become straight. Ex-gay groups such as Restored Hope Network stepped in to the gap, but many religious leaders are now encouraging those with same-sex orientation or attraction to consider a life of celibacy.

For years, those who were gay or struggled with homosexuality felt like they had few good options: leave their faith, ignore their sexuality or try to change. But as groups like Exodus have become increasingly unpopular, Rodgers is among those who embrace a different model: celibate gay Christians, who seek to be true to both their sexuality and their faith.

Straddling one of America’s deepest cultural divides, Vanessa Vitiello Urquhart wrote in a recent piece for Slate that celibate gay Christians present a challenge to the tolerance of both their churches and the secular LGBT community. Those celibate gay Christians often find themselves trying to translate one side for the other.

“We can be easily misunderstood, to put it nicely, by both sides of the culture war,” Rodgers said. “For those who have a more affirming position, it’s as if we’re repressed, self-hated homophobes, encouraging the church to stand in its position on sexuality. And conservative Christians think that those who shift on sexuality are being rebellious.”

Christians’ shift away from ex-gay therapy came amid larger cultural changes, including a wider societal acceptance of homosexuality and a rapid embrace of same-sex civil marriage.

In 2009, the American Psychological Association adopted a resolution that mental health professionals should avoid telling clients that they can change their sexual orientation. Since then, California and New Jersey have passed laws banning conversion therapy for minors, and several other states have considered similar measures.

Earlier this year, the 50,000-member American Association of Christian Counselors amended its code of ethics to eliminate the promotion of reparative therapy, and encouraged celibacy instead.

“Counselors acknowledge the client’s fundamental right to self-determination and further understand that deeply held religious values and beliefs may conflict with same-sex attraction and/or behavior, resulting in anxiety, depression, stress, and inner turmoil,” the revised code says.

A number of leaders of the ex-gay movement have renounced the very teachings they once embraced. John Paulk, who was once a poster boy for the ex-gay movement, apologized in 2013 for the reparative therapy he used to promote. Yvette Schneider, who formerly worked for groups such as the Family Research Council, Concerned Women for America and Exodus, recently published a “coming out” interview with GLAAD calling for bans on reparative therapy. Last week, nine former ex-gay leaders denounced conversion therapy.

Mark Yarhouse, a Regent University psychology professor who has done research on ex-gay Christians, is just now beginning to study celibate gay Christians. “Evangelicals are so enamored with marriage, it’s been hard for them to value singleness and celibacy,” he said.

Some Christians left ex-gay ministries and eventually began to embrace a position that’s more affirming of gays and lesbians. Josh Wolff, a gay 2009 graduate of Biola University’s Rosemead School of Psychology who is now a licensed clinical psychologist, said he went to reparative therapy for nearly two years before fully embracing his sexuality.

“I’ve seen a real shift away from some of the language (that) you need to go to counseling, you can experience healing that can make you straight,” Wolff said. “When Exodus came forward and said ‘We’re sorry for some of the harm that we’ve done,’ I think it was a wake-up call to many members of faith communities that for the vast majority of people, these treatments don’t work.”

Celibacy is a better trend for Christians than conversion therapy was, said Alan Chambers, who led Exodus before shuttering it last year.

“Celibacy is an age-old concept, so I think it’s a great option for a lot of people. People have been so afraid of it,” said Chambers, who has been married to his wife for 16 years. “The only option before it was to stay completely silent or adopt this ex-gay mentality.”

Some evangelicals mine Catholicism’s centuries-old tradition of celibacy, said Wesley Hill, a professor of New Testament at Trinity School for Ministry, who wrote “Washed and Waiting,” a 2010 book on being gay and celibate.

“They already have a rich history of celibacy that I had to discover as an evangelical,” Hill said. “Twenty years ago, being gay would be considered irredeemably bad, something to be delivered from or be changed. (Celibacy) leads me to form close bonds with friends, to have self-denial and sacrifice.”

Eve Tushnet, a 35-year-old whose book “Gay and Catholic” comes out in October, is fast emerging as a significant voice on sexuality and Catholic teaching.

“I felt like there’s a lot of things I don’t understand, but I can do my wrestling and doubting from within the church,” she said.

Tushnet grew up somewhere between agnosticism and Judaism, and when she became a Catholic in 1998, she didn’t know of other openly gay Christians who were following the church’s teaching on sexuality.

“Because marriage, the standard American solution to the problem of the human heart, is typically unavailable to gay Christians, we’ve had to confront loneliness earlier and more publicly than many of our peers,” she wrote in The American Conservative.

In a 2013 study in the journal Symbolic Interaction, Hollins University sociologist S.J. Creek found that celibate gay Christians tend to prioritize their sexuality differently than others might, unwilling to compromise their Christianity.

For some like Tushnet, the loneliness of celibacy has been tempered by communities such as Spiritual Friendship, a blog for celibate gay Christians. Hill co-founded the blog with Ron Belgau, who grew up Baptist and converted to Catholicism at 24. Belgau said celibacy was one of the things that attracted him to the Catholic Church.

“The ex-gay message was appealing because the problem was solved and we didn’t need to talk about it,” said Belgau, who spent some time in the Catholic Church’s Courage ministry that encourages celibacy for gays and lesbians.

“If you realize that a lot of people will have an ongoing attraction to same-sex and can be kept secret, you have to deal with as a church how we’re going to talk about this. With the ex-gay message, we can farm this out and continue with our nuclear family model.”

The mere presence of self-identifying celibate gay Christians requires other Christians to wrestle with theological challenges, says Matthew Vines, author of “God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships.” Vines doesn’t promote sex outside of marriage but believes gay Christians can make a theological case for same-sex marriage.

“It’s a subtle but significant shift,” said Vines, who is openly gay, of celibate gay Christians. “They’re saying, ‘There’s nothing wrong with being gay in and of itself,’ and that is a big change.”

In fact, that’s the teaching of major religious traditions, including the Roman Catholic Church, the United Methodist Church and even the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). Homosexuality only becomes sinful when a person chooses to act on it.

Moody Bible Institute professor Christopher Yuan has been countering progressive messages like Vines’ with a more traditional message of celibacy for those who, like him, are attracted to the same sex. In his book review of Vines’ book for Christianity Today, however, Yuan, too, took a harsh look at conversion therapy.

“Sanctification is not getting rid of our temptations, but pursuing holiness in the midst of them,” Yuan wrote. “If our goal is making people straight, then we are practicing a false gospel.”

Some Christians are less eager to use the term “gay.” After Grady Smith’s widely shared article for the Gospel Coalition about coming out as a Christian while he worked for Entertainment Weekly, he also wrote a post about coming out as gay to other Christians. In an email, he said he regretted identifying as a “gay Christian” because of how it might define him as a person.

“I knew it was writerly and provocative and expressed attractions I’ve felt, and I hoped it was bridge-building,” he wrote. “But it in no way describes the life I am living — and I think most people interpret ‘gay’ to mean the cultural box of the gay, sexually expressed lifestyle.”

Some pastors, like John Piper, a respected Minneapolis preacher and author, still encourage the possibility of change for those who have same-sex attractions. And some Christians are debating over whether identifying as gay or having a same-sex orientation is itself unbiblical.

“My conclusion is that if sexual orientation is one’s enduring pattern of sexual attraction, then the Bible teaches both same-sex behavior and same-sex orientation to be sinful,” Denny Burk, a biblical studies professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, wrote in a blog post for the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission.

Rosaria Butterfield, a former lesbian who rejects the “ex-gay” label and the movement behind it, disputes Burk’s interpretation of sexual orientation. “The Bible doesn’t speak against attraction,” said Butterfield, a mother of four whose conversion story went viral after it was published in Christianity Today. “It speaks against attraction that becomes lust.”

While she affirms celibate gay Christians, she says they should not use “gay” as a descriptive adjective.

“The job of the adjective is to change the noun,” said Butterfield, who will speak at the Southern Baptist convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission’s fall conference on sexuality. “Our sexuality exists on a continuum, but our Christianity does not.”

Good for her. We’ve been spending too much time and energy focusing on this particular flavor of sin, and especially arguing whether it’s innate or choice.

We are all born sinners. We all need Christ and His sacrifice to pay for our sins. And all Christians are called to obey the LORD. That’s exactly what’s happening here.

I'm going to make an assertion about these outspoken "celebate gehs" and call them out as activist infiltrators. This is THE next front of the Gaystapo, embed themselves into the most conservative of church groups to insidiously infect and degrade biblical teaching. Vines and a host of others in the most confirmed, activists level of homosexuality are cheering this development, which ought to throw up a red flashing warning light for us.

Notice that they don't condemn homosexual conduct in others, celebacy is just the right thing "for themselves." In other words, "don't judge" - the hallmark of Godless, anarchist deviants.

So, where, exactly does she say say sins-of-the-mind are OK?
...

Given that she teaches that sodomy is against the God’s law, how, exactly, is she is “affirming others who do choose to act out their homosexual proclivities.”

I don't see where she teaches and affirms that it is against God's law. You have to read between the lines... in this case, the silences. Failing, within the context of the discussion of homosexuality, to somewhere condemn that act, the propensity, as a perversion of what God intended is as good as silence in the face of murder. It is tantamount to silent assent.

It would not surprise me one bit, once this new "accepting" mentality embeds itself further in her local church body, if she suddenly "comes out" again as a sexually active lesbian, and demands that her church "marry" her and her lover. And then she'll go to the geh press and give them her sob story of how the church she grew up in and accepted her is now denying her this "right," with the motive to incite hatred toward Christians. This is happening all the time now.

Fwdude: "I'm going to make an assertion about these outspoken "celebate gehs" and call them out as activist infiltrators."

Please bear in mind that rash judgment, defamation, and bearing false witness against one's neighbor are still against the commandments.

"Notice that they don't condemn homosexual conduct in others, celibacy is just the right thing "for themselves."

False. The reason they are writing and speaking out is because they hope to be living examples of how people with same-sex attraction can live chastely and be disciples of Our Lord. They are trying to promote thinking, talking, and walking in purity of heart.

You find me one place where the celibacy-advocates cited in this article (Julie Rodgers, Vanessa Urquhart, Eve Tushnet, Gary Belgau or Rosaria Butterfield) has said what you allege -- that gay sex is OK but celibacy is just their own personal choice--- and then we'll have something factual to talk about.

We've talked a lot about "abstinence" on this thread. Please abstain from defamation.

RE: She feels an attraction towards members of her sex, but chooses to remain celibate.

I feel an attraction towards bourbon, but choose to remain sober.

____________________________

Hey, I’m married and still feel an attraction towards others of the opposite sex.

"You have to read between the lines... in this case, the silences. Failing, within the context of the discussion of homosexuality, to somewhere condemn that act, the propensity, as a perversion of what God intended is as good as silence in the face of murder. It is tantamount to silent assent."

Rubbish. That's just as senseless as saying,

"Jesus never spoke out against homosexuality. (Check out the Gospels: He didn't.) Therefore we'll assume He was for it."

"St. Paul never spoke out against BDSM. Therefore we'll assume he was for it."

"FWDUDE never spoke out against sex-reassignment (transsexual) surgery. Therefore..."

To construe something from silence, especially when you cannot reference the whole collection of their recorded or written words, and can only draw dubious conclusions from the very few direct quotes this RNS interviewer has chosen to cite, does not show sound judgment.

IF Jesus had the occasion to discuss homosexuality and his apostles and biographers were moved to record it in the cannon, He would have condemned it.

IF Paul had been presented with the issue of sexual perversion of any particular brand, be assured that he would have condemned it in no uncertain terms.

This women, and the others spotlighted in this piece, are plopped down in the midst of this subject, and yet don’t condemn it, except for its practice “in themselves.” They want to be comfortable with it, in the words of the article, but don’t want to engage in the actions.

Who wants to be comfortable with sin?

We also have to use God-given discernment in our dealing with others, particularly as it affects the Body of Believers from within, and this necessarily involves judgement. Judgement is NOT a bad word, and we are dead, or apostate, if we don't exercise it appropriately.

I happen to think that discernment is one of my spiritual gifts, but even absent this gift, no one who is paying attention can fail to notice that the homosexual juggernaut, having almost completely overcome the state and societal notions of morality, has now focused its intent on the Church, the last bastion of resistance to this evil. It will "appear as and angel of light" even as it is plotting its evil plan to destroy.

Again, I'll implicate this woman in this disguised plot to infiltrate and cause division in the Body.

Galatians 5 is the answer to this and similar questions - live by the Holy Spirit, crucify the sinful desires - consider them dead, nailed to the cross.

As long as she continues to see herself as a lesbian, talks about it, associates with others that encourage it, temptation will increase and sin will manifest in her life. You cannot defeat sin in the flesh. She is taking a legal approach to restraining her sinful desires and not relying on God’s Grace. This is what Paul discusses in Romans 5-8. You cannot keep the law, because sin will simply increase, and the frustration of religious bondage will abound. Everyone needs a Savior to set them free.

Our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power over us. We are no longer slaves to sin. — see Romans 6:5-8

You are no longer controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if He is in you. And those that do not have the Spirit living in them are not Christians at all. — see Romans 8:1-11

God has provided a solution, victory over every sin. There is no such thing as a fornicating Christian, or a Christian thief, or a Christian drunk, or even a Christian lesbian. Those are oxymorons. A Christian has been set free from sin. They may be ignorant of their victory, but its there in God’s Word, waiting to be discovered and acted on - the Truth makes you free.

I could not agree more,

I came from a family of alcoholics and realized once in the Navy that I had just as addictive a problem as them and have since stayed away from all types of alcohol. If they stay away from sex, in celibacy, then they are actually doing what Paul strongly suggested.

But it takes a strong person with strong faith to walk that road, and they need our encouragement and support.

And all of us need to stop using the word “gay” when discussing a celibate Christian. Doesn’t help in the least.

There’s a difference between temptation and sin.

Temptation happens. We all experience it.

When we cross the line and engage and entertain it, then it becomes sin.

One of the problems is that homosexual leanings are evidence of some kind of serious spiritual issues. Now, once someone has been there, I can see that they are more susceptible to that temptation in the future.

However, when I see people claim they are *gay Christians*, there’s a bigger problem. If they focus on their sin as their source of identity, they are focusing on the wrong thing.

If they see themselves as Christians who struggle with homosexual temptation, that’s different.

I really wish they’d quit wearing the label of *gay* as a badge of honor.

Hey, I’m married and still feel an attraction towards others of the opposite sex.

Women do, too. Most of the time, they just won't admit it.

Look at the proliferation of *romance* novels and books like 50 Shades, and websites for those women looking to have an affair.

That's where the proof is.

Thank you. You've refuted your own "judge from silence" method.

You simply can't construe vast, and especially morally defamatory conclusions, from "reading between the lines." This is not sound judgment. And you don't know whether what we have here is, for instance, Eve Tushnet's silence (she's one of the celibacy-advocates) or Sarah Poulliam Bailey's silence (she's the interviewer, the one who --- necessarily --- omitted 95% of what her interviewees said, and selected 5% for publication.)

Not that that's blameworthy on Bailey's part, either. That's the necessary reality of doing an article for publication. You have a focus. You stick to it. Otherwise you get out of journalism, because news services don't want an encyclopedic treatment of every topic, every time.

You're assumingn that Eve Tushnet, etc. are comfortable with sin, when they said nothing about these particular sexual sins, except that they abstain from them. They are celibate.

Hmm.... This thread is a context in which there's been a lot of discussion about celibacy, and yet you have not come out and endorsed it. Should we assume you're uncomfortable with celibacy?

I'm not charging you with that. That wouldn't be fair. I'm just asking.

It is a fine line. I do hope that when the term “acceptance” is used by these people they mean it as they “accept” their limitation, not by denying it exists but acknowledging it for what it is, that is, who they are and how their life must be.

They can never be married (to a person of the same sex) and ...

They have a weakness, a susceptibility to lust for members of the same gender.

Some have such a weakness to theft (kleptomaniacs). If they are smart they limit their exposure to easily stolen items.

Some have a weakness to booze. (Alcoholics). If they are smart, then they limit their exposure to alchohol.

Some have a weakness to (heterosexual) lust. If they are smart, they limit their exposure to images that can arouse them.

So hopefully these people are doing the same. They hopefully avoid circumstances where they are tempted to act on their weakness.

This is my hope after reading this. Because like another said we are all sinners and struggle with our own weaknesses. In that regard we’re no better than the homosexual who seeks to avoid temptation.

It’s all in how one choses to read stories like this. One can either interpret it as I have, with hope, or with cynicism.

Let me make it clear: I’m not saying either interpretation is “right”. It’s just how do you want to live life, at the end of the day really.

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