Lily Dunn
If our reason for saving sex until marriage is because we believe it will make sex better or easier for us, we’re not only setting ourselves up for disappointment, but we’re missing the point entirely. Those of us who choose to wait do so because we hold certain beliefs about the sacredness of marriage and about God's intentions and wishes for humanity, and we honor these regardless of whether they feel easier or harder. In the meantime, we in the evangelical church has a lot of work to do correcting the distorted ways we talk about sex and sexuality, especially to our youth.
Sounds like she needs counseling.
1. Any and all physical contact is like a gateway drug to sex.
No, I wouldn’t say that. But not so terrible to avoid any PDA vs. doing it. I wish the f-ags would obey that rule.
2. If you wait until you are married to have sex, God will reward you with mind-blowing sex and a magical wedding night.
I wouldn’t say that either. Maybe expectations are too high. Ties into my next comment.
3. Girls don’t care about sex.
Not nearly as much as males do. Really. Yes, we care, but overall it’s not so all-important as it is for males. It’s only one thing. I think other things are more important to show love, and perfectly content without sexual things (beginning aging seemed to drain me of libido, frankly), whereas certain someones seem to think the most important way is sex. Both by him and to him.
This ties in with the “promise of great sex”. It’s really not that important. Just don’t let me have terrible sex - just like don’t make me marry a truly ugly guy.
4. When you get married, you will immediately be able to fully express yourself sexually without guilt or shame.
Why not? I understand the conditioning, but personally I had no illusions. I kept it under wraps but knew what capabilities I had, knew what I’d not mind trying so there was no problem. Shyness is the biggest thing, not worrying about morals. It’s all fair game at that point. Maybe some people don’t really get that.
“Those of us who choose to wait do so because we hold certain beliefs about the sacredness of marriage and about God’s intentions and wishes for humanity”
It’s about time we say exactly why wait, and it is from what sex is actually for - making babies. If babies are made outside that covenant, they are automatically born into rough times. It is not fair for a child to be born into lousy circumstances with 1 parent, who also shows herself to be of low character. Probably will be of low income, arguing and fighting with strangers as well as relatives, just generally of poor environment.
That is the reason it is immoral to have sex outside marriage. Other issues are incidental, including how it can hurt the “adults” involved when they break up, etc. Easier when you haven’t tried that “bond”. They will never stop thinking about that sex, and it will affect later marriage and children, etc.
The earthly reward for adhering to God’s commandments is that it saves you a whole lot of trouble.
I would agree certain churches have an extra-Biblical attitude to sexual activity, but the Word is the Word and it does limit your desires and expressions for your own good. It does seem this woman is venting anger at God aiming it at the church.
1. Any and all physical contact is like a gateway drug to sex.
This is sound advice taken to an absurd extreme (handholding?!)
2. If you wait until you are married to have sex, God will reward you with mind-blowing sex and a magical wedding night.
Good sex takes time and practice. The two most important elements are patience and a sense of humor.
3. Girls don’t care about sex.
Most girls aren’t driven by sex the way men are. We’re wired that way. Generally, women appreciate sex more as they mature.
4. When you get married, you will immediately be able to fully express yourself sexually without guilt or shame.
What’s the fun in that? Just kidding.
Sounds more like it’s the way she personally experienced it / dealt with it and claims that is how everyone else must also feel...I’m sorry for her and maybe her own church was way overboard but I haven’t encountered any young married couples having this experience who waited until they were married...though they weren’t scolded for holding hands, embracing, etc. before they were married either like apparently she was told not to do.
Maybe try to be more in line with what GOD says in his word about sexual relations FIRST. As imperfect beings we may not always see or understand reasons behind Gods instruction, that doesn’t mean though that they have no merit or should be ignored. Take a good look around you and observe for yourself the product of man’s interpretation of right and wrong, specifically with regards to sexuality
I dated a good Catholic girl (briefly) in college and let’s just say that I knew much more about female sexual anatomy than she did. I felt sorry for her being so ignorant about her own body.
“In the meantime, we in the evangelical church has a lot of work to do correcting the distorted ways we talk about sex and sexuality, especially to our youth.”
I guess that would depend on the church. Based on some churches I visited before settling into one, I’d say there are a lot more problems with evangelicals compromising on sexuality than with evangelicals promoting abstinence.
And since the surrounding society is telling girls to have sex at around 13, and to be experts by 16, there needs to be a counter message that says sex is NOT the focus of a man or woman’s life.
This sentence boggled my mind: “2. If you wait until you are married to have sex, God will reward you with mind-blowing sex and a magical wedding night.” That is NOT something I’ve ever heard preached or taught. We do not abstain from premarital sex so God will give us “mind-blowing sex and a magical wedding night”! That ranks up there with the folks teaching that we tithe so God will give us more and we’ll become rich!
We do it because it is God’s plan for a husband and wife to learn together and because we’re to make loving each other under God our objective, not “mind-blowing sex”. It makes one wonder how many other errors she has been taught about God, justification and sanctification.
The only legitimate basis of her complaint that I see, is the build-up and over-promising of immediate sexual fulfillment upon marriage after remaining correctly chaste up until that point. It is correct to say that men are very easily stimulated via visual means, whereas women are much less so, to the point that saying they’re not is reasonably accurate. Avoidance of leading men into temptation, since men can be more easily led astray due to their very physiology, is a reasonable and honorable objective.
Regarding sex once married, and to be perhaps a little too blunt, many women have to learn how to reach orgasm and it’s not necessarily an easy thing to achieve. It’s not hard-wired into women’s physical response the way that men are. In a culture that has become so completely saturated with sex, I suppose it’s tempting to overstate the reward for not participating until married in order to hopefully head off the possibility of straying. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of women will need to learn, the first experience will involve some amount of pain, and it may take a while with a considerate and patient husband for the act itself to become enjoyable.
I have run into the legalistic thing on #1.
I had driven a friend to church for Sunday morning service, then went to a local restaurant for Sunday brunch. During the evening service, I was taken aside by one of the deacons. What I had done was apparently just the same as jumping into bed with her. Needless to say I had shortly left that church.
My car was also an issue as well, a 280ZX. Pagan car!
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Lily Dunn
They lied? You mean that is NOT the reason I need glasses?
Couple caught having sex behind frosted glass windows in Italian court building, forcing the suspension of a trial
An article like this puts to be the lie that is being spread around that Catholics leave Catholicism because of moral issues.
Sure isn’t taught to such absurdities in lots of churches.
What is all too often not taught is the value of earlier marriage. Quit fighting the best time for it.
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Okay she does have a point but let’s at least recognize that it stems from a reaction to an aggressively sexualizing world. Can it be done better? Sure, but the Christian communities are still reeling from a sexual revolution that knows no boundaries and takes no prisoners.