Posted on 05/01/2008 5:07:35 PM PDT by annalex
I grew up in a strong Christian home. My parents were, and still are, two of the most devout Christians I have ever known. They instilled in me not only the importance of knowing about Christ, but knowing Him personally. When I was 10 years old, I pledged my life to Jesus and was baptized in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. My teen years were filled with opportunities for spiritual growth thanks to the encouragement and example of my parents and youth leaders. When I was seventeen I dedicated myself to full-time Christian service. At that time, I assumed my future ministry would be that of a pastor. Therefore, I felt I needed a four-year degree in Christian studies and graduate studies in ministry. My family was not in a position to send me to a four-year private school, much less an expensive one, but my trust was in God. If He wanted me to be there, I believed, He would provide the means for me to get there. In what I can only describe as a miracle, I was awarded a four year presidential scholarship and found a job as a resident assistant, which payed for all of my expenses.
In college, I experienced a profound conversion of sorts. Having the opportunity to study under some of the brightest minds in the Evangelical world, I discovered a deep love for learning, especially Scripture, History, and Theology. I became so enamored in fact that I quickly gained a reputation for being a know-it-all. Unfortunately, I had earned that reputation with a head full of pride and a heart lacking in charity when it came to dialogue. I should explain at this point that I was discovering that because of the charism of knowledge, study came very easy to me. Things just seemed to be absorbed as if my mind were a dry sponge. There is nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that I was not tempering my newfound knowledge with humility and personal piety. This flaw would prove to be a major factor in my conversion.
I was so wrapped up in ministry preparation, language studies, and reading that I wasn't even looking for a woman. That's probably a good thing, because while I was distracted, God was preparing my wife over in the ladies' dorms. We met the summer of my freshman year while we worked at a youth camp. It was as close to "love at first site" as I can imagine. We took things slow and filled our non-work time with long walks, talks and Bible studies. I knew very quickly that this was the woman God had chosen to be my wife. We would be married less than two years later and begin our lives together.
Life wasn't super easy for us as we were new to married life, new to bills, and new to pretty much everything else. However, God helped us through our first years with few, if any, major problems. We also learned the importance of health insurance after my face was broken during a pickup mud football game. One thing we had been convinced of as a couple was that God was to be in charge of blessing our lives with children. As such, we did not use contraception, choosing instead to practice the billings ovulation method. Oddly enough, we were not the only ones at our Baptist school who felt that way. As I neared my graduation, God blessed us with the news that we were expecting our first child. Now I would be a father as well as a husband. Apparently, there were more lessons for me to learn outside of the classroom. In spite of a tough course load, three part-time jobs, and school related ministry opportunities; I still managed to graduate on time with a BA in Christian Studies and minors in both Greek and History.
Seminary life was exciting. We were gaining the reputation of being a magnet for top scholarship and theological soundness, which was something many Baptist affiliated schools could not claim. Once again, my desire for knowledge had me taking difficult courses and loving every minute. My professors were challenging my heart as well as my mind, and I'm forever grateful. In fact, their example, along with that of my college professors, led me to pursue a future in theological education. I believed that it was in the classroom and lecture hall that I would be most useful to God as a minister. While I was gaining all this knowledge and continually fueled by a desire to become a great teacher, I was also letting my growth in holiness decline. Daily prayer and Bible study became to me opportunities for lesson planning and sermon writing. I was looking at the Bible for its academic properties and neglecting much of my spiritual encounter with God in the Scriptures. Busier than ever, with a new baby, a new job, and with school, I was beginning to substitute activity for piety. But I didn't notice my mistake.
What I did notice was that my denominational "constituents", for the most part, were historically and theologically myopic. I vowed to myself that a major portion of my ministry would be to take Baptists back to the practices and beliefs of the Baptist founders, which, I believed at the time, to be synonymous with the beliefs and practices of the early Christians. In order to prove this, and to prove the historicity and rightness of Baptist theology and polity, I decided to study the earliest Christian writing I could find in addition to the Bible, namely the Church Fathers.
I had first met the Fathers in college as translation work in advanced Greek classes. Translation of extrabiblical Greek texts honed our skills and eliminated our "crutch" of cheating on translations for which we had memorized the English scripture verses. I first met Saint Polycarp and was so intrigued by him that I wanted to read more. In seminary, I would read the writings of St. Polycarp, St. Clement, St. Ignatius, St. Irenaeus, and St. Justin Martyr. My studies of the Fathers would reveal to me a sacramental Faith, a tangible Faith, a structured Faith, a faith that I was having trouble reconciling to my present denominational affiliation. But my patristic studies would have to wait because shortly after the birth of our 2nd child, I had found a pastoral ministry opportunity to be an associate pastor of youth and education near my hometown.
Church ministry was great because it helped force me back into the devotional practices I had been only weakly observing. Aided by the forceful words of men like John Piper, Charles Spurgeon, and CS Lewis, I was challenged to adopt the principle of "incarnational" living. I wanted the truth to be so ingrained in me that it permeated every portion of my life. This proved to be my final undoing, but at the time, it was spurring me to make changes in my life. Still, I held some things back from God, including my role as a father. I was so busy studying and doing ministry work that I wasn't making time for the kids or my wife, so busy that I didn't even notice my neglect.
In my studies, I continued to read the pre-Nicene Fathers of the Church. The spiritual might I saw in these men showed me that I was lacking something in my life, but I couldn't place it. What I was realizing, however, was that their Church and mine looked totally different. They had an authority structure, bishops, priests, and deacons. They had a liturgy that was rich in beauty and meaning. They had sacraments, most especially the Eucharist. It was the Eucharist that intrigued me most. The more I read, the more I became convinced that Christ was not speaking figuratively in John 6 at Capernaum or in the Upper Room. I was convinced of the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, something we as Baptists did not have, but that I wanted.
What I saw in my future was a life as a Catholic, but that couldn't happen yet. I still had way too much ministry to accomplish. I decided to shelve the "Catholic thing" so I could concentrate on finishing my work there. I figured that after five or six years I could step down quietly and pursue my Catholic studies then. I had no desire to cause a scandal. In fact, to make sure no "papist" teaching came out in my ministry; I made a point to provide my senior pastor with copies of all my lessons and sermons before I taught them. It was important enough for me to finish my ministry agenda before pursuing anything else. In fact, I told no one about my desire to know more about the Catholic Church. I studied on my own time, alone, to see if the ancient Church and the modern Catholic Church were one and the same.
My search was very lonely. There was no one I could talk to because if word got out that I was even considering the claims of the Church, I could easily have lost my job, putting my family in jeopardy. I wasn't willing to risk that, even though I was becoming more and more convinced of the Catholic Faith. After a while, I found myself going to Eucharistic Adoration at the Catholic Hospital during my hospital visitation rounds. I set up appointments to talk with priests "under cover of darkness" because I had questions. But I still had no one to share with. I was alone and, quite frankly, terrified of what the future might hold.
I stumbled upon the Coming Home Network almost by accident and was encouraged to find that there were other ministers like me who were asking questions. I found two friends with whom I felt comfortable sharing my struggles. One was a Baptist pastor, like myself. The other was a recent convert from an Evangelical Free background. They became my prayer partners and my sounding boards. When I finally got the nerve to call CHN, I was encouraged by Jim Anderson, who not only talked with me, but also provided books and study materials to aid me in my search. I thank God for the Coming Home Network. I didn't feel quite so alone anymore.
Things continued smoothly, just as I had planned, until we had to travel to California for a wedding. The wedding was beautiful and San Francisco was amazing, but something was not right with me. God was pressing His thumb upon my heart and I noticed it. The whole time we were there, I found myself in constant debate with Him over the state of my spiritual life. The night before we were scheduled to leave, God had His final say with me in what I can only describe as an emotional confrontation. He revealed to my heart, in no uncertain terms, that I was shipwrecking my life. He clearly showed me that my heart was not with my wife or with my children, but with myself and my activities. I was a shallow and selfish man who blamed his ministry for not having enough time to read to or play with his own kids or spend time conversing with his wife. I was living my dream as a teacher, but I was failing to practice the very truths I taught. I was living a lie and I had no excuses.
I wept all night before finally asking God, "What am I supposed to do now?"
"You're going to have to resign."
"But I don't want to resign."
"If you don't step down on your own, I'll remove you myself."
"What am I supposed to do for a living? How will I support my family?"
"Trust me."
That was all I remember before crying myself to sleep. It was a deep cathartic cry because my hard heart was finally seeing the message God had been trying to get through my thick skull for almost eight years. He was trying to help me get my life together, not just my personal life and my family, but my eternal life and the eternal lives of my wife and kids. I had to obey. Yet as scared as I was, I had a calm peace that kept reminding me to trust God. I didn't say a word to anybody about this or my decision until I was in the car with my wife, driving from the Memphis airport to our home across the state. We were able to have a seven hour discussion of all God had been showing me. I asked for her forgiveness and for my kids’ forgiveness, and I made a commitment to earn their trust and win their hearts.
I still had to resign. There were no flashing signs or helpful books to guide me into the unknown. However, I did find strength from my friends at the Coming Home Network. I also found a job. God was reminding me again to trust Him. The resignation itself wasn't that hard, because I had the confidence that I was being obedient. I was determined to be the man God wanted me to be and not to occupy a leadership position until I demonstrated true leadership and not mere academic acumen.
To shorten this story a bit, after resigning and relocating for my new job, I was able to meet with a priest for instruction and formation as a Catholic. I knew that the answer to my spiritual hunger was the Eucharist. On Christmas Eve 2002, my wife and I were received into the Catholic Church. Since then, I have been growing, sometimes by small steps, but sometimes by great leaps. Most precious to me are the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation. God has heaped His grace on me and I can see a change in my heart. He has brought balance into my life. He has saved my marriage. He has reconciled me to my children. He has also, a little at a time, allowed me to resume ministry, this time as a lay catechist and evangelist. I still have my struggles, as we all do, but now I have something I did not have before, hope. I have hope for the future and strength for today through the Eucharist. God continues to teach me to trust in Him and to depend on Him. Through the Sacraments, I continue to grow in my faith, hope, and charity.
Believe it or not, folks, that was the short version. God probably has reserved a crown for you in Heaven just for persevering through my tale. I'm happy to discuss my journey with you, and I'd love the opportunity to pray for you as you search. I'll leave this post with a closing comment.
People have asked me, "Was it worth it?"
Absolutely.
Last edited on Fri Jun 8th, 2007 10:32 am by Polycarp
A moment's honest reflection will show you that you cannot be born again of the spirit when you are six weeks old. What do you think salvation consists of? A magical state of worthiness, conferred through others in infant baptism? It is something the individual human being must experience and take part in, the pivotal and defining moment of a person's life.
Re: 197:
There is, of course, backsliding, and your eternal salvation can be lost if you throw it away, after being saved, in this fashion and never return to the Lord. On this issue we seem to be a bit closer than on what it means to be born again.
Yet it's always a good idea to remember that he is omniscient, his mind is not completely knowable to us, and his mercy is greater than our mercy. So we ought not to judge others, as it says, especially with arbitrary rules and schedules.
Why should I do that? I think denominations are poison in and of themselves. I belong to his church in the right meaning of the word.
The reason Tyndale was burned at the stake (a common punishment of the day, also administered frequently by Protestants on Catholics, by the way), is because his "translation" wasn't accurate, and introduced various heresies. The Church had ALREADY provided Bibles in native language translations at that time. Try learning some accurate history for a change.
"Gosh...Jesus had it wrong. He should have just taught the academically educated ‘magisterium’ instead of the masses. Nice."
See above. There were lots of translations available to the masses already. Good book "Where we Got the Bible" by Henry G. Graham (a bit dated, having been written 1911, but then, the history was a lot older, so it still covers the basics.)
Yup, and we're the only ones who got it right. Here are the facts---the Septaguint (the Greek version of the Jewish Scriptures) was the Bible that Christ and the Apostles used. Both Jesus and the Apostles taught from the "deuterocanonical books". AFTER the rise of Christianity, (and partly driven by that rise), the Jews decided to actually define their Canon. The criteria of selection were specifically chosen to minimize those texts that supported Christianity. So Luther chose a NON-CHRISTIAN canon over the original Christian one.
Why? Is Spirit not God?
So we ought not to judge others, as it says, especially with arbitrary rules and schedules
No, of course not. We should obey the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.
I belong to his church in the right meaning of the word.
The Church of Darwin?
Please deliniate the comment in post 168:
“You earn it once with your life as you free yourself from sin.”
with you assertion now:
“I never said I saved or will save myself.”
“Like I said, start your own denomination. I am Catholic, I read what’s written.”
I’m attending a very well know and solid Baptist church, the pastor of which makes me look like a liberal Arminian. Thanks. “I read what’s written”?? What’s up with that?
I free myself form sin thanks to the boundless grace of Christ and not out of my own power.
Catohlics read and obey the Gospel. Every word of it. You mangle and lie about it.
Wasn't accurate? By who's definition and judgment and for what motivation? Been lead around by the nose all you life?
He knows that people are ALL fallible. If people are fallible and imperfect and subject to corruption, so will their institutions be, especially when they wield supreme executive power. That is where the rcc has remained since 393; a corrupt, greedy and power hungry political institution, lacking in the feeding of Christ's people and unable to guide them. The evidence is in the way the people conduct themselves.
Mary and saint worship...when Christ is our one and only mediator with the Father. What the heck are you guys thinking going to others when you can go directly to the main Man!? Why do you need a priest to confess....when we're charged to confess to one another!? You guys waste so much of your time on other heretical ‘holy’ acts instead of doing the one thing you were created to do....Bring glory to Christ in praise and worship in EVERYTHING you do.
The rcc has a very dark past. You need to open your eyes and see who you're blindly following into hell.
Let's see. Could it be the folks who compiled the Bible, and had preserved it intact since that time?? That would be the Catholic Church.
So, the folks who made up the Catholic Church in the first two centuries were able to look into the future and forsee the Protestant Reformation, and so included Maccabees just to stave off Protestant arguments??? You "do" realize just how stupid that notion is, don't you.
And as to the "..the Lord desiring a King over Israel...", Christ is acknowledged throughout Scripture as the royal heir to the kingly House of David.
"Mary and saint worship...when Christ is our one and only mediator with the Father. What the heck are you guys thinking going to others when you can go directly to the main Man!? Why do you need a priest to confess....when we're charged to confess to one another!? You guys waste so much of your time on other heretical ‘holy’ acts instead of doing the one thing you were created to do....Bring glory to Christ in praise and worship in EVERYTHING you do."
And you finish up with the standard Protestant lies about what the Catholic Church believes. I really don't believe that you were ever a Catholic, because you certainly didn't learn much about the Church while you were supposedly there.
"You need to open your eyes and see who you're blindly following into hell."
If you knew how much time and study I spent researching everything about the Catholic Church before becoming one... I can guarantee that my entry therein was anything BUT "blind".
Huh? Maccabees was written by and for and to Jews, who already had a hierarchical system.
Mostly it's about trusting in God in the face of adversity and trouble. I don't believe you've actually read it.
As far as the New Testament goes, the VERY early Christians had begun using what today is considered the New Testament. Then in 393 a group got together and canonized it. They also ADDED books into the Tanakh...the Hebrew Bible. Books the Jews NEVER considered scripture. Took Luther to undo that mistake. You have to ask yourself:
1.) At what point between approx 100 AD and 400 AD did the group that later became the rcc hijack Christianity onto a road that led to corruption, greed, heresy, debauchery, murder, intimidation, power hunger, and brain washing (the effects of the last can still be seen as evidenced on this thread)?
2.) Why did the rcc organization decide to overrule the Jews on their own Bible and inject uninspired works into it for us to digest?
REFERENCE:
“The term Hebrew Bible is a generic reference to books of the Bible, originally written in Hebrew and Aramaic, and of uncontroversial canonicity. The term closely corresponds to contents of the Jewish Tanakh and the Protestant Old Testament, but does not include the deuterocanonical portions of the Roman Catholic and Eastern Christian Old Testament.”
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebrew_Bible
“The writings attributed to the apostles circulated amongst the earliest Christian communities. The Pauline epistles were circulating in collected form by the end of the first century AD. Justin Martyr, in the early second century, mentions the “memoirs of the apostles,” which Christians called “gospels” and which were regarded as on par with the Old Testament.
A four gospel canon (the Tetramorph) was in place by the time of Irenaeus, c. 160, who refers to it directly.[14] By the early 200’s, Origen may have been using the same 27 books as in the modern New Testament, though there were still disputes over the canonicity of Hebrews, James, II Peter, II and III John, and Revelation (see also Antilegomena).[15]
Likewise by 200 the Muratorian fragment shows that there existed a set of Christian writings somewhat similar to what is now the New Testament, which included the four gospels and argued against objections to them.[16] Thus, while there was a good measure of debate in the Early Church over the New Testament canon, the major writings were accepted by almost all Christians by the middle of the second century.”
No, the rcc mafia at the time already recognized that this religion thing was profitable for obtaining wealth and political influence and Maccabees was included in an attempt to establish a theological foundation for this power base.
“And as to the “..the Lord desiring a King over Israel...”, Christ is acknowledged throughout Scripture as the royal heir to the kingly House of David.”
So you deny that the Lord was less than impressed with the Israelites desire to have a King instead of relying only upon the Lord for their protection?? Not good theology...pretty basic stuff. Depend on the Lord, not yourselves....sound familiar?
“And you finish up with the standard Protestant lies about what the Catholic Church believes. I really don't believe that you were ever a Catholic, because you certainly didn't learn much about the Church while you were supposedly there.”
Believe what you want. I've lived through the garbage. Praying is an act of worship. Why in the world would you waste even ONE second of prayer and praise time tying to interact with a dead created thing rather than lavishing it onto the Living God???!!!! Even I, at the ripe old age of 10 figured that one out, even mired in the heresy of the rcc. Proof that the Lord will protect His sheep, they know His voice, and not one will be plucked from His hand by anything. Thank you Lord!
Ok....your point? Christ was less than impressed with their ‘system’. Why would He want the Christians to adopt the same.
And the Apocryphal books were NEVER part of the Hebrew Bible.
Totally wrong. Christ and his Apostles used the Septuagint, which was in Greek. Almost a century later, the Jews got together and decided to re-define their canon by eliminating the books that supported Christianity, which canon became the Hebrew Canon. The RCC added nothing to the Old Testament that wasn't already in the earlier canon.
The RCC then proceeded to define the New Testament canon.
Are you making this stuff up?
1.) At what point between approx 100 AD and 400 AD did the group that later became the rcc hijack Christianity onto a road that led to corruption, greed, heresy, debauchery, murder, intimidation, power hunger, and brain washing (the effects of the last can still be seen as evidenced on this thread)?
The premise of your question is deeply flawed and laughably ignorant of history. The Catholic Church was founded by Christ, circa 32AD.
2.) Why did the rcc organization decide to overrule the Jews on their own Bible and inject uninspired works into it for us to digest?
The Bible was translated from the Septuagint before the explicitly anti-Christian actions known as Jamnia, when six books were deleted. The Bible proceeded from the Hebrew and Greek (with a touch of Aramaic) to all Greek to the Vulgate.
Praying to God is an act of worship. The verb "pray" means to request.
Good grief. I get tired of explaining "basic Bible" to Protestants. Yes, the Lord had originally inteneded for Israel not to have a king. However, once they decided that they wanted one---he provided a whole bunch, including David. The Lord also made a covenant with David that his KINGLY LINE would rule forever, which covenant was fulfilled by Christ, who was David's succesor King.
"Praying is an act of worship. Why in the world would you waste even ONE second of prayer and praise time tying to interact with a dead created thing rather than lavishing it onto the Living God???!!!! Even I, at the ripe old age of 10 figured that one out, even mired in the heresy of the rcc."
This kind of statement proves to me that you were never in the Catholic church. If you did, you would know that the Church does NOT teach "praying to dead created things". Firstly because the saints are not dead--they are in Heaven with Christ, and secondly, because the respectful admiration of Mary and the Saints is not prayer (even though some badly cathecized Catholics may use the term). Look up the words "latria" and "dulia". If you had been in the Catholic church, you would know these basic facts.
My error. Jamnia deleted seven books.
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