Posted on 02/18/2003 8:21:11 AM PST by Big Guy and Rusty 99
An Oppressor of One
I am an oppressor of one.
I am a Conservative.
I force inner city people to smoke crack and join gangs. I force people to join welfare and then, I blame them for it. I force people not to work, just for the fun of it. I force people on food stamps. I force people into poverty because; I enjoy the spoils of human misery. After all, I am a Conservative.
I force people to pay their own way. I force people to work night to morn for a paycheck. I force some to sing for their supper. I force people to pay their bills. I force people to obey the laws. I force people to act according to the behavior they’d expect towards themselves. I force people under the atrocity of obeying the law. Are you even surprised? I am a Conservative.
I am a member of the freemasons. I am a member of the Elks. I am the member of every liberal conspiracy theory out there. I am a worker at Area 51. I am the creator of the chip inside your heads. I am a member of the Kennedy assassination conspiracy, even though it happened nine years before my birth. I am also in certain elite circles as Rusty Shackelford. I am the one who made Oswald a patsy; I am the man on the grassy knoll. I am Earl Warren’s string puller. I am the one who promised Ford a high government job in exchange for keeping his humdrum dumb mouth shut. I am about to let you in on my little secret; we had Aristotle hypnotize Jackie into doing the deed. I am pulling your leg or am I? I am the owner of the state. I am the owner of the church. I am the one who picked the winners of “Star Search.” Don’t look shocked. I am a Conservative
I am the soul of the soulless corporate machine. I am in despising of all individuality. I am in finding all art perverse. I am unable to see the beauty of a bullwhip up a man’s rectum or a crucifix in a jar of urine. I am thinking art should strive for a higher form. I am thinking true art does not appeal to the prurient interest. I am thinking that true art does not include the obscene. I am not the least bit interested in being forced to appreciate third world culture. I am a stalwart devil for western culture. I am evil. I am a Conservative.
I think the music of today is overrated. I think there should be more love songs, instead of lust songs. I think the people who write songs about revolution will be the first ones with their backs against the wall. I think millionaires shouldn’t write songs that say they are the common man. I think the lyrics of today are shameful. I think music should not talk about the assassination of the police. I think most rap appeals to the lowest common denominator. I think shock for shock value’s sake is a bad aesthetic. I think most pop culture is an anesthesia of apathy. I am the bastard. I am a Conservative.
I think people should be held accountable for their own actions. I believe in personal responsibility. I think what happened to your ancestors over four hundred years ago has no bearing today. I think you set your own path. I think you act in life; you are not acted upon by life. I think, not feel. I must be a Hitler. I am a Conservative.
I believe in the quality of a man’s character, not the color of their skin. I believe all men are created equal but not all men act that way. I believe that the color of a man’s does not qualify someone for a job. I believe affirmative action is more racist than a stack of Klansmen. I believe liberals are afraid of minorities, so they bribe them with programs so they won’t get what’s coming to them. I believe that there will be no revolution, televised or not. I believe in America. I believe white liberal guilt has brought America only ill gain. I must be named Schillinger; I must be a leader of the Aryan brotherhood. I am a Conservative.
I believe in God. I believe in right and wrong. I believe the just are rewarded; the unjust are punished. I believe criminals belong in prison. I believe the reason for the crime does not excuse the crime. I believe killers should be killed. I believe the innocent should be protected. I believe the rights of victims of crime outweigh those of the criminals. I believe some men are rabid animals and should be put down like rabid animals. I believe am the worst man alive because, I believe. I am a Conservative.
I know that sometimes wars are just. I know the tyrannical heart cannot be quenched by mere talk. I know some men are alcoholics, drunk with power. I know that if evil men are not stopped, I am just as responsible for their actions. I know not to talk to dictators, just as I know not to talk to wolverines. I know peace is the product of strength. I know strength is the muscle of vigilance. I know I would die to defend the freedom of those who bite the hand that feeds them. I know I must be a warmonger. I am a Conservative, say no more.
I know that abortion is murder. I know the murder of innocents is wrong. I know the sexual revolution is a herpes scar on society. I know free love has enslaved many of us. I know that the human body should be respected, not to be thrown on the trash heap of sexual conquest. I know most baby boomers were a collective atomic bomb dropped on the moral fabric of our nation. I know we are living in the fallout. I know America should be better than this, but angels of ultimate freedom have blinded it. I know God must not be very happy with us. I know what happened the last time that happened. I know it’s going to rain and there’s nothing we can do about it. I know the wheat will rise above the chaff. I know that most of life is actually black and white. I know I am scum sealed in a sheath of human skin. I am a Conservative.
I taught Palm Beach county voters how to vote wrong. I taught people the Republicans how to riot. I taught the Democrat canvas board in Florida how to lose ballot boxes. I taught Algore how to be snippy. I taught Jeb Bush how to steal an election, his brother already won four times. I taught losers that if they feel like winners, they must have won. I taught people that self-esteem is more important than the truth. I am a malignant tumor on the face of society. I am a Conservative.
I taught gangs how to do drive by shootings and how to score crack. I taught them how to hold the pipe. I taught crips and bluds how to make their streets rusty with each other’s dried blood on a whim. I taught liquor storeowners the way to South Central and then, I taught people that they had to drink. I taught evil the rules of the road. I taught the obese how to stuff their faces with junk food and how to turn their bodies into a refuse heap. I taught Raliegh how to harvest tobacco for cigarettes. I taught perfume makes how to test their products on animals. I taught the world how to make SUV’s. If it’s evil or bad for you, you know I’m behind it somehow. I am a Conservative.
I am the sum of all evil.
I am a Conservative.
You didn't just teach them. You put the pipe in their hand and MADE them smoke it.
You need to decide whether you are writing an over-the-top spoof of the way conservatives are described by liberals, or if you are really writing some sort of conservative manifesto. It's either satire or it's not. I don't think you can say "I believe in God" and "I taught them to hold the pipe" in the same tract. It makes it look like you're really admititting to hooking people on crack if you mix that kind of thing in with beliefs that conservatives really do own. My 2¢.
I beat my children, my wife, and my dog, especially when my gun-totin' buddies and I are drunk on Old Milwaukee beer. I hain't got but one tooth, and I use it to punch holes in cans in the A&P so's I can poison 'em.
I urinate on old folks, sic the dogs on the homeless, and steal change out of the blind beggar's cup.
Then I go to the country club for lunch.
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