[IronJack]

I also club baby seals, smear feces on the Alaskan Natural Wildlife Reserve, and smoke big, stinky cigars. I sold Tiny Tim's crutch for matchsticks and tied Nell across the railroad tracks after I foreclosed on her daddy's farm.

I beat my children, my wife, and my dog, especially when my gun-totin' buddies and I are drunk on Old Milwaukee beer. I hain't got but one tooth, and I use it to punch holes in cans in the A&P so's I can poison 'em.

I urinate on old folks, sic the dogs on the homeless, and steal change out of the blind beggar's cup.

Then I go to the country club for lunch.

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

I drive two SUV's at once!