Spanking: Discipline or violence

Wyoming Tribune-Eagle ^ | 23 Sep | Ilene Olson

[Maceman]

So far, we have managed to raise a great kid to the age of 4 years old without using corporal punishment even once.

I really don't think spanking is an effective technique for discipline. Not that I think it should be outlawed.

But personally, I just could not smacking or spanking my little daughter for any reason.

I know a lot of Freepers disagree with me. Flame away.

[Eagle Eye]

I really don't think spanking is an effective technique for discipline

It's not. It's for punishment, pure and simple, not discipline, and should not be used in anger.

Your experience and view might be different if you had several kids close in age. Mine aren't perfect, but other parents and coaches talk about how well behaved and polite my kids are when I'm not around.

For those who don't know the difference between spanking and beating then one shouldn't use corporal punishment at all.

[two23]

I raised 2 children to adulthood and never had to hit them. And they were never out of control, or rude in public (or at home). I think that a foundation of well established rules from the get-go, helps. When the kids pushed me to the limit I always found that getting down to eye level and firmly communicating my displeasure was usually enough for them. Kids grow used to idle threats and some may even be bold enough to risk being spanked if they can get the upper hand for even one minute.
I know parents who used spanking and I did not see that they had any advantage over controlling their kids than those of us who chose verbal communication.

[Nathan Jr.]

Jones said he thinks it is appropriate to give young children a light slap on the hand or the bottom when they are doing something that could harm them, such as playing with outlets or running into the street.

I believe this is the only time when spanking is warrented. In situations like this it is more important to send a strong message, something the child will NEVER forget. I remember very little of my early childhood, but I do remember how I got my butt spanked for pushing my little sister down a flight of stairs. Ain't done it since.

[newgeezer]

“Instead of saying, ‘You need to go to bed on time because Mom’s really tired and needs some rest, find a kid reason,” Rubeck said. “A kid isn’t going to care if Mom is tired. A kid reason would be, ‘If you go to bed early tonight, maybe you can earn a reward for the weekend, such as inviting a friend over.’”

Bribery. Yeah, that's brilliant, Doc. (By the way, you changed your example from "on time" to "early" in midstream.)

[WindMinstrel]

how do you differentiate punishment and discipline? I'm not sure I follow

[Eagle Eye]

Reasoning with toddlers. Yeah, right.

[Lee_Atwater]

Flame away.

I don't see any reason why anyone should "flame" you. I think each child needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis. It sounds as if you have a case where physical correction was not needed; that is a good thing.

[ArrogantBustard]

Bribery. Yeah, that's brilliant, Doc.
It's a brilliant way to raise a self-centred little sociopath. I've seen a few examples.

I think that a foundation of well established rules from the get-go, helps.
It's absolutely essential. "Yes" and "No" must mean exactly that. "Maybe" should be rare, and converted to "No" in response to any begging, pleading, or whining. Idle threats are disastrous; I've seen too many parents threaten their children with consequences they have no intention of inflicting; the kids learn pretty quickly that their parents' word is worthless. Discipline goes down the drain, and you've another household run by a 4 year old brat.

[Maceman]

It's not. It's for punishment, pure and simple, not discipline, and should not be used in anger.

I don't see the distinction between punishment and discipline when it comes to kids.

Ideally, we punish our kids to teach them internal discipline, and to teach them that there are negative consequences when they break family and social rules. In other words, we use punishment to instill in them the discipline necessary to learn self control, and to deal properly with parental, social and legal authority.

I just don't see how spanking contributes to that process at all.

[Hatteras]

Flaming probably is not necessary here but, 4 years old? Keep your chin up, you haven't even started your descent into the abyss yet.

[newgeezer]

It worked for us.

[Hatteras]

"...Ain't done it since."

Yeah, but I'm sure if she's anything like my sisters, you haven't quite gotten over the urge.

[Eagle Eye]

Punishment is after the fact, after they have transgressed.

Discipline is instruction and teaching, ideally BEFORE a transgression. They have to be taught right behavior, reproved when they violate those standards, and corrected to bring them back to right behavior, always in a teaching mode. Discipline is part of being a disciple. Children should be disciples of their parents.

IMO, corporal punishment, spanking should only be used in matters of defiance, not for simple disobedience.

Personally, I've not met many parents with multiple children who don't or haven't spanked. I've met many parents of spoiled children who didn't spank or didn't spank properly.

Spanking is an effective technique when used properly, but is ineffective, even destructive, when improperly used.

[5Madman2]

I've named my right hand "Ritalin". Neither one of my kids want Ritalin. That being said, there is a line between discipline and violence/beatings. Corporal punishment is used when attempts at reasoning fail. Violence/beatings are used when the parent is mad, therefore unreasonable him/herself, or when they are just animals themselves

[Eagle Eye]

Reasoning with toddlers? By definition they are unreasonable!

Sorry, there are times to be a dictator, not a negotiator. Promises and bribery teach children that there is an immediate payoff for 'good' behavior instead of doing 'right' simply because it is right. It also weakens the authority of the parent and teaches children that parents need to sell or explain everything they do or demand from their kids, and they don't.

[weikel]

Im 20 my dad beat the s*** outta me on rare occasions. For the most part he was right.

[BibChr]

Stupid Questions: Opportunity or Diversion?

Dan

[Maceman]

Flaming probably is not necessary here but, 4 years old? Keep your chin up, you haven't even started your descent into the abyss yet.

Maybe not. But I'm betting that as my daughter grows older, she will require more sophisticated modes of discipline than can be delivered by a smacking hand or a belt strap.