Replies

Reasoning with toddlers? By definition they are unreasonable!

Sorry, there are times to be a dictator, not a negotiator. Promises and bribery teach children that there is an immediate payoff for 'good' behavior instead of doing 'right' simply because it is right. It also weakens the authority of the parent and teaches children that parents need to sell or explain everything they do or demand from their kids, and they don't.

Oh. Your previous reply indicated to me (falsely, it seems) that you disagreed with me, and considered bribery to be the preferred alternative to reasoning.

Toddlers can be reasoned with, on their own level. Ours understood the simple choice between obedience and disobedience.

I agree with you.

I spank my 3-year-old only as a last resort, when non-physical punishment is ineffective. An effective spanking can be done with almost no actual physical contact, and certainly without causing much if any pain. It is true there are many people who don't understand the difference between spanking and beating, and my heart goes out to children who have to live with brutal, sadistic adults.
In my daughter's case, the occasional tantrum just cannot be stopped with "reasoning" or "timeouts." I envy those parents who say they have been able to discipline their children without spanking, but I submit they are just plain lucky. Children are different, and they respond differently to the same modes of discipline.
I am a strong believer in establishing in a child a sense of fear and respect of her parents, as well as love. In my daughter's case, she has learned that I mean business when I tell her not to do something and she disobeys, and with time, she has become overall a wonderful well-behaved, polite child (so far). I feared my own father as I grew up, and he rarely spanked me, but I knew when he did, I had really transgressed. I cannot thank him enough now for instilling in me a sense of fear and respect of him as my parent. Many parents don't understand this, but as parents, it is our duty to command the obedience of our children. It can be done in a very loving manner, not despite an occasional spanking, but because we choose to discipline with a spanking when necessary.
When I pick up my daughter at school, and she runs to my arms with a huge smile, it is impossible for me to believe I am somehow warping her mind or inflicting psychological conditioning that it is OK to hit people, except when it is done very gently and carefully, and only when necessary, in the first few years of life.