Toddlers can be reasoned with, on their own level. Ours understood the simple choice between obedience and disobedience.
I have two children who are now adults and have families of their own. I spanked (didn't beat) and used discipline such as grounding, taking away tv shows etc. My kids were really well mannered and grew into responsible nice adults. I know they weren't "scarred" by being spanked.My daughter has two children who are really NICE kids, respectful of their elders and everyone comments on how well mannered they are. She has spanked and employed same tecniques she grew up with.
My stepson on the other hand has two children who although I love them dearly, are the type of kids no one wants to be around. They were never disciplined and I often thought the parents were afraid of them. They rule the roost. Over this past weekend they visited and the 7 yr.old boy SCREAMED at his mother,"GET MY PANTS FOR ME, GET MY PANTS, in a totally eerie voice. I said, say please and he glared at me with a smirk on his face. This is what they have gotten for never doing ANYTHING in reference to discipline. Moral of the story is this, spanking doesn't thwart children, but lack of any discipline surely does. I don't even want this kid around. Isn't that a sad state of affairs?
As a general rule, I don't believe in negotiating behavior issues or obedience issues with children, let alone toddlers.
I do, however, encourage the maximum use of teaching and reteaching so that kids know what is expected, so that they know what their boundaries are, and so that they know that there will be some consequences to misbehavior.
I believe in rewarding good behavior, but not in offering a reward for obedience.
'Go to be nicely and you get a cookie' wouldn't be heard in my household. They are expected to go to bed nicely with or without a cookie. I may surprise them with a cookie, but never bribe them with it.
Do I pay for high grades? You bet. That isn't bribery, it is goal setting and acheivement.