The risks of cohabitation

Minneapolis Star Tribune ^ | 7/17/02 | Katherine Kersten

[rhema]

Everyone knows that American family structure is changing. In recent decades, large increases in divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing have dramatically altered the social landscape. But a related social change has received little attention. That's the extraordinary rise in cohabitation, in which an unmarried man and woman share a household as sexual partners.

[freeeee]

Each partner is free to leave the moment he or she no longer feels happy or fulfilled.

And this differs from marriage exactly how?

A 50% divorce rate means those who marry are just as likely to "leave the moment he or she no longer feels happy or fulfilled" as they are to stay together.

Committment, my arse.

[discostu]

I think they're missing why people co-hab. It's the same reason both members of so many married couples work. Under today's taxation it takes two incomes most of the time to pay the bills, especially when you're young and not well established in your career. Since you need that second income you need to live with somebody, whether that somebody is spouse lover or roommate is a matter of semantics.

[gcruse]

Postmodern Blues

We used to call it shacking up,
Cohabitate aplomb.
And 'unwed mother' did the job
For what we now call 'mom.'
But what can one expect to find
When lit'rature is 'text,'
And paragons of right & wrong
Take our kids for sex.
 

[Skwidd]

How else are we to know whether or not she (or he, even) is a raving, insecure loon? Co-habitation saved me once. Besides, you don't buy a car without taking it for a test-drive.

[Sangamon Kid]

For despite recent developments, marriage remains the most stable of all family forms.

There is only one form of "family"; the one created through marriage. Everything else is bogus.

[mountaineer]

How else are we to know whether or not she (or he, even) is a raving, insecure loon?

Most people could figure that out after a year or so (or even much less) of dating.

[Sangamon Kid]

Besides, you don't buy a car without taking it for a test-drive.

Prepare now for incoming missles.

[ppaul]

There is only one form of "family"; the one created through marriage. Everything else is bogus.

The Truth.

[Aric2000]

I do NOT understand what the huge deal is, I lived with my wife for 2 1/2 years before we got married, and thank goodness I did. It showed me that I was indeed making the right decision.

We have now been married 9 years, been together almost 12 and have 2 beautiful children and another on the way. Living together first helped us figure out exactly how compatible we were and allowed us to go into marriage without any doubts that we were doing the right thing.

Marriage without living together first is a BIG mistake as far as I am concerned, but just because it worked for me does not necassarily make it right for others.

[Skwidd]

Most people could figure that out after a year or so (or even much less) of dating.

True, but some people are really, really good at hiding it.

[scalia_#1]

I do NOT understand what the huge deal is . . . .

You're never going to win the argument against people who know better than you do how to live your life. Prepare to be told that "you are an exception, not the rule so clearly demonstrated by this 'study.'" If you and your wife divorce, then "don't say we didn't warn you."

This is the kind of soft social science that we conservatives usually lambast, except when it suits our purposes, of course.

[Sangamon Kid]

I feel sorry for some of you, because you have no concept whatsoever of the deep and abiding joy and security that comes when a man or woman makes a life-long commitment to their loved one without having to shack up with, or test-drive (what a stupid metaphor) the latest model.

I have a beautiful 20 year daughter who believed me when I told her that God was preparing a man for her, and that she was to remain holy and dedicated to this man long before she would ever meet and marry him. Abstinence of the heart and mind, not just the body. My daughter is in love with a man that she does not know yet, because she trusts that God is preparing a young man who will be a perfect mate for her.

Sound hokey? Eat your hearts out. All you who live according to the desires of your crotch will never understand this mystery, because any thing less than this falls short of how God intended for marriage to be.

[FateAmenableToChange]

A 50% divorce rate means those who marry are just as likely to "leave the moment he or she no longer feels happy or fulfilled" as they are to stay together.

The 50% divorce rate is a misleading statistic. Most of that number comes from "repeat offenders" who marry and divorce more than twice. If you break out the multiple sequential marriages, the rate for single divorces is much lower.

[TightSqueeze]

Today, young people increasingly think of cohabitation as a "no strings attached" way to assess the compatibility of a potential mate.

Boy am I glad I didn't step in this it reeks, such BS. What about the senior population, those who for whatever reason have become single late in life. I would imagine this group would make up quite a large part of a valid survey of cohabiting adults. This article is your typical ass-wipe nannyfied we-know-what-is-best for-you trash. Marriage is really only necessary for those who wish to raise children within societies norms, for all others it is a trap.

[Aric2000]

The only reason that my wife and I decided to get married was because we decided that we wanted to have children, if we had decided not to have children, we would NEVER have gotten married. No reason to, no reason at all. Marriage is for the security of children, nothing more, other then that, it is not necessary.

[Lamont Cranston]

I have a beautiful 20 year daughter who believed me when I told her that God was preparing a man for her

I once went to church that was full of disgruntled, never-married 60 year old women who had grown up believing the same thing...

[freeeee]

If you break out the multiple sequential marriages, the rate for single divorces is much lower.

Ok. I can agree with that.

Do you know the 'much lower' number for 'single marriage' divorces? How does this figure compare with co-habitation?

[Rogle]

This might sound bad but I am about to the point to where I would advise my son, when the time is right, to just shack up with a girl instead of marring. My rational is: we now have no fault divorce, a 50% divorce rate, courts that are anti male, a legal system that goes out of the way to destroy the bonds between children and father, a legal system that thinks justice has been served when they have destroyed the financial well being of the father, and a society which looks on men as a check writer.

[freeeee]

Oh, and I almost forgot, if we're going to exlude multiple marriage people from the statistics, we must also exclude multiple co-habiters as well, if our comparison is going to be meaningful.

So simply put, the question would be:

What percentage of first time marriages succeed compared to first time co-habitations?