Posted on 06/10/2002 10:50:40 AM PDT by Redcloak
This is the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I've seen a number of people here asking for prayer from other believers. Scripture tells us that this is what we should do in times of crisis; pray one for another. I never thought that I'd be the one having to write a post like this. I need your prayers for myself and my family.
Thursday was the worst day of my entire life. My wife and I were expecting our son to be born next week via Caesarean section. It was scheduled for Wednesday the 12th. My wife went for a last checkup before the birth that afternoon. At that exam, the doctor could not locate a heartbeat. After a we got him out, we could see that he had gotten twisted and tangled in his umbilical cord. My son Forrest had died before he could be born.
I've seen countless news stories about people losing children. Despite having a daughter (She's 5) of my own, I could never imagine the pain that a parent would feel at such a time. I would tried to empathize by asking myself "what if" questions, but I'd find that my mind wouldn't want to go there. I'd shudder and slam that line of thought shut before I went to far and began to get an idea of what terrible things lie in that place. I suppose that the mind won't let you go there because subconsciously you know it's too awful to look at. Now I'm there in that horrible place. I never imagined one could feel such sorrow and pain.
However, in the midst of this great pain, I have had great joy as well. I know that my son is with the Lord right now. I know that he's experiencing joy and happiness far beyond what any of us can imagine. And I wouldn't begrudge him an instant of it. I know that God has a plan for each of our lives. We all have a role to play in His plan. Forrest completed his role and he's gone home. But still, the grief overwhelms me at times. I'll see something of his, a toy or a piece of clothing, and the tears return. I can't begin to describe how much I'll miss him.
There's something else I've learned in all of this pain. However much this hurts me, it hurts God worse. We cannot truly comprehend how much God loves us. And we do not realize how thoroughly he knows what we think and feel. He knows what's happening deep in our souls better than we do. God knows the true extent to which I am hurting. I know that the mind will play little tricks on itself to prevent some traumas from being felt full force and that these little tricks are dulling my pain. I'm not seeing all that there is to see of it. But God is aware of the pain's true magnitude and His love for us magnifies His pain.
I'm trying to keep focused on where Forrest is now; not how he was on Thursday. I need your prayers asking God to help me to keep in the right frame of mind; to not drift off into thoughts of the past. I'm also asking that you pray for my wife. As bad as my pain is, hers is worse. I also need God's guidance in how to help her. I keep remembering the look of panic she had in her eyes as the doctor searched in vain for a heartbeat and how awful I felt not being able to do anything about it for her. Lastly, I ask that you pray for my daughter. At times she talks about how her brother is with God. At other times, she talks how "the doctors are making Forrest better." I cannot tell is she is truly having trouble dealing with this or if it's simply a 5 year old's imagination at work. My wife and I both need God's help in guiding her through this.
My prayer for you is that your Heavenly Father lead you through this season of grief, and loss, and that you allow Him to comfort your hearts with the blessed assurance that Forrest will rejoice with you on that sweet day of no more parting.
Consider this my "card" to you.. your child was loved dearly. What a blessing you are to Brandon and your precious daughter..and I can see he was a precious angel in your life.
I'm sure this sparked the pain again,.. and yet you came and offered your love.
I'm positive your words touched many people tonight. Thank you...
We're all here for you. And indeed, prayers from all of us.
-Helen Steiner Rice
May God Bless you and give you and your family the strength you need to overcome such a loss,
Mike & Colleen
After reading your post, and seeing the kind of person you are and that your sweet wife must be, I find it no wonder it hit him so hard. We do care deeply for our patients. They become like family to us. I will indeed pray for your Doctor too. Done deal. He sounds like a wonderful Doctor!!
God Bless you.. your loss was such a short time ago!! I am truly so sorry.
Prayer for God's Protection
As you arise today, may the strength of God pilot you,
the power of God uphold you, the wisdom of God guide you.
May the eye of God look before you, the ear of God hear you,
the Word of God speak for you.
May the hand of God protect you, the way of God lie before you,
the shield of God defend you, the host of God save you.
May Christ shield you today.
Christ with you, Christ before you, Christ behind you,
Christ in you, Christ beneath you, Christ above you,
Christ on your right, Christ on your left,
Christ when you lay down, Christ when you sit,
Christ when you stand, Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of you,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of you,
Christ in every eye that sees you, Christ in every ear that hears you.
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