Skip to comments.A prayer request
Posted on 06/10/2002 10:50:40 AM PDT by Redcloak
This is the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I've seen a number of people here asking for prayer from other believers. Scripture tells us that this is what we should do in times of crisis; pray one for another. I never thought that I'd be the one having to write a post like this. I need your prayers for myself and my family.
Thursday was the worst day of my entire life. My wife and I were expecting our son to be born next week via Caesarean section. It was scheduled for Wednesday the 12th. My wife went for a last checkup before the birth that afternoon. At that exam, the doctor could not locate a heartbeat. After a we got him out, we could see that he had gotten twisted and tangled in his umbilical cord. My son Forrest had died before he could be born.
I've seen countless news stories about people losing children. Despite having a daughter (She's 5) of my own, I could never imagine the pain that a parent would feel at such a time. I would tried to empathize by asking myself "what if" questions, but I'd find that my mind wouldn't want to go there. I'd shudder and slam that line of thought shut before I went to far and began to get an idea of what terrible things lie in that place. I suppose that the mind won't let you go there because subconsciously you know it's too awful to look at. Now I'm there in that horrible place. I never imagined one could feel such sorrow and pain.
However, in the midst of this great pain, I have had great joy as well. I know that my son is with the Lord right now. I know that he's experiencing joy and happiness far beyond what any of us can imagine. And I wouldn't begrudge him an instant of it. I know that God has a plan for each of our lives. We all have a role to play in His plan. Forrest completed his role and he's gone home. But still, the grief overwhelms me at times. I'll see something of his, a toy or a piece of clothing, and the tears return. I can't begin to describe how much I'll miss him.
There's something else I've learned in all of this pain. However much this hurts me, it hurts God worse. We cannot truly comprehend how much God loves us. And we do not realize how thoroughly he knows what we think and feel. He knows what's happening deep in our souls better than we do. God knows the true extent to which I am hurting. I know that the mind will play little tricks on itself to prevent some traumas from being felt full force and that these little tricks are dulling my pain. I'm not seeing all that there is to see of it. But God is aware of the pain's true magnitude and His love for us magnifies His pain.
I'm trying to keep focused on where Forrest is now; not how he was on Thursday. I need your prayers asking God to help me to keep in the right frame of mind; to not drift off into thoughts of the past. I'm also asking that you pray for my wife. As bad as my pain is, hers is worse. I also need God's guidance in how to help her. I keep remembering the look of panic she had in her eyes as the doctor searched in vain for a heartbeat and how awful I felt not being able to do anything about it for her. Lastly, I ask that you pray for my daughter. At times she talks about how her brother is with God. At other times, she talks how "the doctors are making Forrest better." I cannot tell is she is truly having trouble dealing with this or if it's simply a 5 year old's imagination at work. My wife and I both need God's help in guiding her through this.
For your wife, the best thing you can do is be there. It will be the best thing for the both of you in the long run.
and a prayer for you and your family in your time of loss.
If needed, get a therapist or a counselor - to help you talk through all the hurt and pain you are experiencing.
Even as a Christian, such counseling and the ability to say how you are feeling to someone makes a great deal of difference. If you want help that is "free" find a church with a Stephen Ministry program and you might can get on with a Stephen Minister who will meet with you and talk things over once a week - at least.
Or maybe some Freeper will be that "listener" for you.
But your wife needs that support also.
You have just experienced such a tragedy that it boggles the mind.
The truth is that God is very near, especially near to the brokenhearted - so we know He is right there with you by His Holy Spirit - and you have already shown evidence of HIs presence with you.
He will carry you and your wife through this.
And there will come a day when you won't have the pain, sorrow, and hurt that you have right now. It will ease.
Getting from here to there is what is so tough - and it is no shame to say you need help to make it through this dark night.
Prayers going up for you both.
I also suggest checking out MEND, they have some good Christian resources.
You are deeply in the grieving process. I know there are not adequate words I can say to help you through this, but there are a couple sites I can send you to.
The first one is the one dealing with how to handle it with Siblings. It is very well done, (written by two Doctors who specialize in this field) and will answer your immediate questions in handling this with your daughter.
This next one is for you.. It will explain the grieving process, and give you links to visit to help you through this.
Lots of prayers going out for your family right now. If there is ever anything I can do.. please don't hesitate to ask.
May God comfort you and hold you in his arms during this most difficult time.
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