Posted on 06/10/2002 10:50:40 AM PDT by Redcloak
This is the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I've seen a number of people here asking for prayer from other believers. Scripture tells us that this is what we should do in times of crisis; pray one for another. I never thought that I'd be the one having to write a post like this. I need your prayers for myself and my family.
Thursday was the worst day of my entire life. My wife and I were expecting our son to be born next week via Caesarean section. It was scheduled for Wednesday the 12th. My wife went for a last checkup before the birth that afternoon. At that exam, the doctor could not locate a heartbeat. After a we got him out, we could see that he had gotten twisted and tangled in his umbilical cord. My son Forrest had died before he could be born.
I've seen countless news stories about people losing children. Despite having a daughter (She's 5) of my own, I could never imagine the pain that a parent would feel at such a time. I would tried to empathize by asking myself "what if" questions, but I'd find that my mind wouldn't want to go there. I'd shudder and slam that line of thought shut before I went to far and began to get an idea of what terrible things lie in that place. I suppose that the mind won't let you go there because subconsciously you know it's too awful to look at. Now I'm there in that horrible place. I never imagined one could feel such sorrow and pain.
However, in the midst of this great pain, I have had great joy as well. I know that my son is with the Lord right now. I know that he's experiencing joy and happiness far beyond what any of us can imagine. And I wouldn't begrudge him an instant of it. I know that God has a plan for each of our lives. We all have a role to play in His plan. Forrest completed his role and he's gone home. But still, the grief overwhelms me at times. I'll see something of his, a toy or a piece of clothing, and the tears return. I can't begin to describe how much I'll miss him.
There's something else I've learned in all of this pain. However much this hurts me, it hurts God worse. We cannot truly comprehend how much God loves us. And we do not realize how thoroughly he knows what we think and feel. He knows what's happening deep in our souls better than we do. God knows the true extent to which I am hurting. I know that the mind will play little tricks on itself to prevent some traumas from being felt full force and that these little tricks are dulling my pain. I'm not seeing all that there is to see of it. But God is aware of the pain's true magnitude and His love for us magnifies His pain.
I'm trying to keep focused on where Forrest is now; not how he was on Thursday. I need your prayers asking God to help me to keep in the right frame of mind; to not drift off into thoughts of the past. I'm also asking that you pray for my wife. As bad as my pain is, hers is worse. I also need God's guidance in how to help her. I keep remembering the look of panic she had in her eyes as the doctor searched in vain for a heartbeat and how awful I felt not being able to do anything about it for her. Lastly, I ask that you pray for my daughter. At times she talks about how her brother is with God. At other times, she talks how "the doctors are making Forrest better." I cannot tell is she is truly having trouble dealing with this or if it's simply a 5 year old's imagination at work. My wife and I both need God's help in guiding her through this.
Many prayers are going out for you and your wife now; let our love be the Love of God, to lift you in your grief.
We can only imagine what it is like to be in heaven with God.
May God grant you peace, strength and understanding during this sad time
Prayers for you and your family.
I am so sorry for you and your family.
I understand. I have been there. I remember the thoughts, and feelings....I remember the doctor not being able to find a heartbeat, as I and my 5yr old daughter awaited it anxiously!! The tears are flowing now, for your pain, and my memories. It has been 11 years.
I am at this moment sending up prayers heavenward on your behalf!! I remember someone giving me a book "When God Doesn't Make Sense"....trying to help me, but what I read gave me no comfort. The comfort came from letters and cards with notes in them from others who had been down the same road!!
For your daughter, she will understand....she is just trying to hold onto hope that Forrest will come back. Continue to gently hold her, and tell her that he is with Jesus now. That Jesus is holding and rocking him, and any other relatives that have gone on before. That helped my Jessica immensely.
For your wife, be there for her, and grieve with her! You both need that!! Do not immerse yourself in work, or activities away from home. Your wife needs you there, and you both need to see each other's pain and work through it together. Remember, though, that you are two individuals and will go through the stages of grief at a different pace.
People fear forgetting. People fear that in forgetting there is disloyalty. My father told me to get on with my life.... but, do you know what? Every year, the day I knew he was gone, the day Brandon was born, and his due date come as a reminder! I don't TRY to remember them, they just ARE!! I don't dwell on them, but there are always reminders, and often when you least expect it.
People do different things to deal with the grief and the memories.....some buy a set of clothes for their child, and donate it to a needy family, each year......others light a candle on the birthday, and bring flowers to the grave....find something meaningful to you, for you, your wife, and your daughter!
My advice to anyone else who is reading this.....if you know someone who has been through a loss like this, a miscarriage, or stillbirth....write it on your calendar, and yearly send them a card that you are remembering with them. Every year, the only ones to remember are my daughters and myself. Not even the rest of my family thinks of it!! It would mean so much to me to receive something and know that I was not remembering alone!
I am so sorry...
Rus
I understand the terrible loss you and especially your wife feel at this tragic time. I lost my "only" girl baby at 9 months in a "stillbirth". My thoughts and Prayers are with you both.
DL
Thinking of you all.
First, thank you for praying for us. And thank you for reminding me of something important that I omitted. I would like to ask that prayers be said for my wife's OB/Gyn. He's known my wife for over 20 years and this hit him hard as well.
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