I understand. I have been there. I remember the thoughts, and feelings....I remember the doctor not being able to find a heartbeat, as I and my 5yr old daughter awaited it anxiously!! The tears are flowing now, for your pain, and my memories. It has been 11 years.
I am at this moment sending up prayers heavenward on your behalf!! I remember someone giving me a book "When God Doesn't Make Sense"....trying to help me, but what I read gave me no comfort. The comfort came from letters and cards with notes in them from others who had been down the same road!!
For your daughter, she will understand....she is just trying to hold onto hope that Forrest will come back. Continue to gently hold her, and tell her that he is with Jesus now. That Jesus is holding and rocking him, and any other relatives that have gone on before. That helped my Jessica immensely.
For your wife, be there for her, and grieve with her! You both need that!! Do not immerse yourself in work, or activities away from home. Your wife needs you there, and you both need to see each other's pain and work through it together. Remember, though, that you are two individuals and will go through the stages of grief at a different pace.
People fear forgetting. People fear that in forgetting there is disloyalty. My father told me to get on with my life.... but, do you know what? Every year, the day I knew he was gone, the day Brandon was born, and his due date come as a reminder! I don't TRY to remember them, they just ARE!! I don't dwell on them, but there are always reminders, and often when you least expect it.
People do different things to deal with the grief and the memories.....some buy a set of clothes for their child, and donate it to a needy family, each year......others light a candle on the birthday, and bring flowers to the grave....find something meaningful to you, for you, your wife, and your daughter!
My advice to anyone else who is reading this.....if you know someone who has been through a loss like this, a miscarriage, or stillbirth....write it on your calendar, and yearly send them a card that you are remembering with them. Every year, the only ones to remember are my daughters and myself. Not even the rest of my family thinks of it!! It would mean so much to me to receive something and know that I was not remembering alone!
Consider this my "card" to you.. your child was loved dearly. What a blessing you are to Brandon and your precious daughter..and I can see he was a precious angel in your life.
I'm sure this sparked the pain again,.. and yet you came and offered your love.
I'm positive your words touched many people tonight. Thank you...