MY SOUTH

Ever Vigilant ^ | Robert St. John

[sheltonmac]

Thirty years ago I visited my first cousin in Virginia. While hanging out with his friend, the discussion turned to popular movies of the day. When I offered my two-cents on the authenticity and social relevance of the movie Billy Jack, one of the boys asked, in all seriousness; "Do you guys have movie theaters down there?" To which I replied, "Yep. We wear shoes too."

Just three years ago, my wife and I were attending a food and wine seminar in Aspen, Colorado. We were seated with two couples from Las Vegas. One of the Glitter Gulch gals was amused and downright rude when I described our restaurant as a fine-dining restaurant. "Mississippi doesn't have fine-dining restaurants!" she demanded and nudged her companion. I fought back the strong desire to mention that she lived in the land that invented the 99-cent breakfast buffet.

I wanted badly to defend my state and my restaurant with a 15-minute soliloquy and public relations rant that would surely change her mind. It was at that precise moment that I was hit with a blinding jolt of enlightenment, and in a moment of complete and absolute clarity it dawned on me -- my South is the best-kept secret in the country. Why would I try to win this woman over? She might move down here.

I am always amused by Hollywood's interpretation of the South. We are still, on occasion, depicted as a collective group of sweaty, stupid, backwards-minded and racist rednecks. The South of movies and TV, the Hollywood South, is not my South.

This is my South:

- My South is full of honest, hard-working people.

- My South is colorblind. In my South, we don't put a premium on pigment. No one cares whether you are black, white, red, or green with orange polka dots.

- My South is the birthplace of blues and jazz, and rock n' roll. It has banjo pickers and fiddle players, but it also has B.B. King, Muddy Waters, the Allman Brothers, Emmylou Harris, and Elvis.

- My South is hot.

- My South smells of newly mowed grass.

- My South was the South of The Partridge Family, Hawaii 5-0, and kick the can.

- My South was creek swimming, cane-pole fishing, and bird hunting.

- In my South, football is king, and the Southeastern Conference is the kingdom.

- My South is home to the most beautiful women on the planet.

- In my South, soul food and country cooking are the same thing.

- My South is full of fig preserves, cornbread, butter beans, fried chicken, grits and catfish.

- In my South we eat foie gras, caviar, and truffles.

- In my South, our transistor radios introduced us to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones at the same time they were introduced to the rest of the country.

- In my South, grandmothers cook a big lunch every Sunday.

- In my South, family matters, deeply.

- My South is boiled shrimp, blackberry cobbler, peach ice cream, banana pudding, and oatmeal cream pies.

- In my South people put peanuts in bottles of Coca Cola and hot sauce on almost everything.

- In my South the tea is iced and almost as sweet as the women.

- My South has air-conditioning.

- My South is camellias, azaleas, wisteria, and hydrangeas.

- In my South, the only person that has to sit on the back of the bus is the last person that got on the bus.

- In my South, people still say "yes, ma'am," "no ma'am," "please," and "thank you."

- In my South, we all wear shoes....most of the time.

My South is the best-kept secret in the country. Please continue to keep the secret....it keeps the idiots away.

[VinnyTex]

When I see someone as clueless as you are on the subject of BBQ, I speak up about it. If you don't like it, well take a powder. Look lady, I compete in BBQ cookoffs all around the country.

Best North American Barbecue Contests

Our Picks: 10 ? 9 ? 8    7 ? 6 ? 5    4 ? 3 ? 2    1

Memphis in May World Championship Location: Memphis, Tennessee What?s Cool: The pork, the whole pork, and nothing but the pork ? with a side of soulful Memphis music The "Superbowl of Swine" draws 90,000 spectators and the winners of some 50 contests sanctioned by "Memphis In May," an organization that deems pork cooked solidly over wood (preferably) or charcoal the only true barbecue. The competition consists of three pork-only categories ? whole hog, shoulder, ribs ? plus a Patio Porkers division that pits backyard barbecuers against cook-off-quality chefs. Nearly 100,000 turn up for the competition, part of the month-long "Memphis In May" blowout that also features the Beale Street Music Festival, International Week and the Great Southern Food Festival. And because it?s Memphis, which claims to be birthplace of both rock 'n' roll and the blues, count on hearing plenty of world championship music. Address: Tom Lee Park When: Mid-May Contact: (901) 525-4611 Price: $6 Web: www.memphisinmay.org/Barbecue/index.html

Best North American Barbecue Contests

American Royal Barbecue Location: Kansas City, Missouri What?s Cool: Biggest and oldest barbecue contest In 1981 the Kansas City Barbecue Society founded the event that now kicks off the venerable (founded 1899) and huge American Royal Livestock, Horse Show & Rodeo. Over 600 judges choose the barbecue winners of both the Invitational contest, restricted to winners of other cook-offs worldwide, and the Open contest, which welcomes all who wish to participate. Another 400 judges choose the best barbecue sauce, side dishes and bone art. The world?s third-largest clogging contest, a barbecue equipment expo and live music are also on the menu. Address: American Royal Center When: October 6-7, 2000 Contact: (816) 221-7979 Price: $8 Web: http://www.americanroyal.com/bbq.htm

Jack Daniel?s World Championship

Location: Lynchburg, Tennessee
What?s Cool: The Holy Grail for serious slow cookers, but not a drop of Jack

Teams have to be good and lucky to get to Lynchburg, located 75 miles south of Nashville. First, they must win first place in a contest with over 50 contestants or in a governor-designated state championship. But since over 80 cookers a year clear that hurdle, they must also be lucky enough to win one of the 50 available spots in this contest through a lottery. A half dozen or so contestants sell their barbecue to spectators who can also tour the Jack Daniel distillery and play specially designed games, like Ladies Rolling Pin Toss, Bug Pitching and Butt Bowling (a "Boston Butt" is a cut of pork shoulder used as the ball). But they can?t buy a shot of the sponsor?s famed Tennessee whisky, beer or any other alcoholic beverage because tiny Lynchburg (population 361) is marooned in the middle of ?dry? Moore County.

Address: Wiseman Park
When: Fourth Saturday of October
Contact: (816) 221-7979
Price: Free

World?s Championship Bar-B-Que Contest

Location: Houston, Texas
What?s Cool: Texas-sized picnic in the shadow of Houston?s Astrodome

If bigger is better, this colossal Lone Star State contest has the winning numbers: nearly 350 contestants and 150,000 guests on a fragrant smoke-filled 45-acre plot. The contest has been a component of the world?s largest Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo since 1973. Every year prizes are awarded in three categories ? brisket, chicken, ribs ? plus an overall winner and additional awards for most unique barbecue pit, cleanest area, best recycling and best team skit. Price of admission includes entertainment by local and regional performers, Texas two-step dancing, and one chopped brisket sandwich with beans and slaw.

Address: Houston Astrodome Parking Lot
When: Mid-February
Contact: (713) 791-9000
Price: $5
Web: http://www.hlsr.com/skoaworld.html

[Dawgsquat]

Yazoo City, Mississippi bump! Bass fishing in the backyard, smoking pork ribs in the pit, leave ya doors unlocked, root fer Ole Miss (ain't that Manning kid great?), Hoddy Toddy dittos to all you Southerners!

[sweetliberty]

One thing I guarantee you'll never win a prize for is your disposition and attitude. Arrogance is unbecoming.

[stainlessbanner]

Well, except for the panhandle you can't really consider Florida the south.

EXCUSE ME? Do you know about the cattle ranchers of Florida and rich history? You must not have visited MY Florida. From the Everglades to Dixie County, from Crystal River to the St. John's, Payne's Prarie, and Ocala, Daytona to Olustee, Mt. Dora and Kissimmee - we are Southern, we are Proud.

[sweetliberty]

Didn't mean nothing personal by it. I've just never seen any evidence of the southern culture farthur south in Florida. I'm not saying it doesn't exist. I never lived there but I have been there several times. You are better able to define who you are than anyone else can tell you. Please accept my apology if I offended you.

[sweetliberty]

"Where I grew up (western Ky.), it was "co-cola".

Same in Virginia. Do you know where Fountain Run, Kentucky is?

[JudyB1938]

Arrogance is unbecoming? In a TEXICAN? ROFL

Sorry, but you have me laughing so hard. Aynt a Texican born or adopted who doesn't think he/she is the best thing since ice cream.

And don't NEVER get into an argument with an Arkie as to who makes the best biscuits and gravy.

Vinny ... this one is for you from this old Okie here ...

Music, please: To the tune of The Eyes of Texas are Upon You

The nose of Oklahoma smells you
All the live long day
The nose of Oklahoma smells you
Why don't you blow away

Always boasting of your greatness
Blowing off your mouth
The nose of Oklahoma smells you
Our neighbor to the south

(Just a funnin' ya, Vinny! Cuz I agree - the best BBQ is in Texas!)

[stainlessbanner]

You didn't offend, me, but I thought some folks would like to know there is more than the Magic Kingdom and Miami in South Florida : )

If you ever caught some fresh shrimp on the St. John's River and broiled it as that big beautiful Florida sun sinks under a treeline of giant cypress trees and majestic oaks, you know, that's my Florida!

Take Care.

[blam]

"Do you know about the cattle ranchers of Florida and rich history? "

It's hard to believe but Florida is the #1 cattle exporting state in the country. (Not beef, cattle.)

[KC_for_Freedom]

My favorite way to eat grits: Take a couple of over easy eggs, several strips of crumbled up bacon, butter, and a heap of grits. Mix it all together and salt and pepper to taste

I live in California and came to Alabama on business. I was taken out to breakfast and served eggs over easy and grits. (I think it was some kind of test, y'all don't do that to people from out of state do you?) But I had lived in Austin for four years and promptly salted and peppered my grits and ate them with the eggs. (I passed)

Now my son got a call from Auburn asking him on a scale of 1 to 10 how likely was it that he would enroll this Fall. He said 11. Since Mom and I are retiring at the same time, we will be relocating to the state of Alabama. I'm sure we will be welcome. See you soon.

[null and void]

I applaud your courage. Don't you feel a little unsafe when pigs are being butchered?

[sweetliberty]

I work with some folks from Yazoo City, Mississippi. Some real nice folks. The whole family relocated here.

[stainlessbanner]

Did not know that one. I just posted a link about the history of Florida's Cattlemen

We love our cattle ranchers and cowboys!

[blam]

"we will be relocating to the state of Alabama. I'm sure we will be welcome. See you soon."

Check my profile. Come on down, neighbor. I spent a number of years in your area. (San Jose) PS...My son went to school out west and lives in SOCAL now.

[SuziQ]

I like to mix my fried eggs and grits together!

Now I KNOW y'all are gonna give me a hard time, but I LOVE sugar on my grits! I guess it was a kids thing, like sugar on Cheerios. Actually, since we're in MA it's Maple Syrup on them now (one of the only culinary advantages to being here)! My Daddy usually had whatever meat was left over from the night before on his grits, pork chop, fried chicken, etc. But his favorite was a fried egg over them. He also love to crumble hot cornbread in cold milk, especially buttermilk if Mama had some.

We heard a story by the late Gamble Rogers who was a humorist from northern Florida. He used to tell about Southerners bleaching coffee grounds and serving them to the Northern tourists along the Interstate as grits. He said that it went a long way toward explaining why Yankees don't like grits!!

[stainlessbanner]

He used to tell about Southerners bleaching coffee grounds and serving them to the Northern tourists along the Interstate as grits

Now that IS funny!

[Dawgsquat]

They moved to Arkansas and became Yankees?

heh heh heh.....just kidding. I love the Ozarks. Arkansas is a beautiful place.

[SeeRushToldU_So]

That was beautiful,it made my eyes water. Everytime I have traveled outside of the South, people have no trouble telling where I am from.

I just attended a funeral 2 days ago in the deep of middle Georgia. The place hasn't changed much in the 37 years since I last visited there. As I was driving along those two lane roads back and forth, I just marveled at the beautiful houses that have been there for so long.

I want to thank you for the memories.

PS: I still open the door for strangers, and say yes mam, yes sir. I don't want my mama to whoop my @ss! I am over 45 also.

[blam]

"He said that it went a long way toward explaining why Yankees don't like grits!!"

Grits were first introduced to Europeans by the Indians when the Pilgrims landed. So... would it correct to say that grits are a northern food?

[VinnyTex]

Cuz I agree - the best BBQ is in Texas!

With out a doubt! :>) Loved your song by the way.

I've had great BBQ from Virginia to Florida. From Georgia to Louisiana. Have competed against teams in all those states and they know their BBQ. For sure. But what makes Texas different, is the depth of our Quing. We Q everything. Want pork. Ya got it. Goat, Turkey, Gator, and lamb.

But this old boy has got the records and heaven forbid, he's from Indiana