Posted on 09/29/2001 6:47:22 AM PDT by Cagey
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
Not necessarily, for as we all know all white middle aged conservative businessmen or pastors are homocidal manics or are cheating on their wives. The is especailly true if they live in a small southern town and are christian. Of course it goes without saying that they are also the head of the local KKK.
Handguns have high explosive rounds, causing cars hit by bullets to explode.
"Evil looking" handguns are louder than ordinary handguns.
Silencers work on revolvers.
Explosions a mile away can be heard the same instant you see it (and just as loud as if you were next to it)
Audiences can be fooled that a totally hot babe is actually homely merely by pulling the woman's hair back and slapping on some ugly glasses.
All problems on the Starship Enterprise can be solved simply by "recalibrating" something. Also, on Star Trek, major scientific advances (by their standards) are accomplished merely by considering the problem/solution quagmire for a few minutes or so.
All alien races on Star Trek are perfectly identical to human beings in every respect, except their foreheads are f**ked up somehow.
The "new guy" in high school always falls, immediately ("unintentionally" of course), for the girlfriend of the campus bully, town bully, psycho wack job, etc. Also, the bully's dad is always the town sheriff, who is corrupt.
If the setting is not a high school, same principle applies. See "Roadhouse" where Patrick Swayze falls for the one girl in town that the evil rich guy (Ben Gazzara) has the hots for.
Nobody in a television show ever watches TV, even though America is a nation of couch potatoes.
Evil rich guys, mobsters, etc. never transfer the fork from their left hand to their right hand after cutting a piece of steak or food, even though they're playing an American character.
Since the law was passed in 1985 in Hollywood, all police captains, chiefs, etc. must be African-American.
Full-scale shootouts can occur in a major city. When the smoke clears, the survivors get in their cars and drive off. No cops ever show up.
When one car is about to smash into another car, on a flat and straight street, the moving car flies over the stationary car, even though there is no ramp visible.
Cars can speed down city sidewalks, loaded with pedestrians, and yet not a single person gets hit by the speeding car.
All computers make beeping noises that correspond with every keystroke seen on the monitor, even though if real computers actually did this, 99% of us would go bonkers after 5 minutes of that crap.
Computers in movies, "present day" movies, do things that are technologically impossible, thus fooling the few remaining Americans left who haven't bought a computer yet, used a computer, that computers can really do that stuff.
Leading male sex symbols, when boarding a plane, always just happen to get seated next to a hot babe, not some fat slob housewife from Sheboygan.
Things we have been taught by FR:
All posts have been posted somewhere before and there is a group of people that know exactly how many times these posts have been posted and their only purpose in life is to bump the repeated posts to the top by reminding everyone that posts have been posted before instead of letting the moderators take care of it. :^)
And conversely; When a Russian or German agent, posing as an American, is found out, he will suddenly develop a Russian or German accent.
Or how about:
No matter how old and wrinkled a man is, his wife/girlfriend will always be a 20 something super model.
A pair of glasses will disguise your identity from anyone, a la Clark Kent.
Thanks, Cagey. This is fun!
In any cheap teenage horror flick, the guy with the chainsaw will be behind the THIRD door that is opened.
All guns, semiautomatic or otherwise, have an unlimited supply of bullets.
Don't thank me, I just posted it. You'll find that FReepers are some of the most witty people you'll ever get to know. The responses here are incredible.
Liberals have no sense of humour.
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