Posted on 11/27/2016 1:22:24 AM PST by UMCRevMom@aol.com
When the honeymoon is over, couples start getting real with each other. The key to a good marriage is compromise. Whether it’s about who does what chores around the house or who’s picking dinner, a healthy give-and-take ratio is what makes a long-lasting marriage possible. Of course, venting on Twitter from time to time doesn't hurt either.
Whether you’ve been married for ten years or ten days, every couple can relate to these 15 tweets. Check out our list of some of the funniest jokes about marriage as told by the Internet - then clean out the dishwasher. Seriously, there’s a bowl-and-cup Mount Everest in the sink.
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Farmer: Our rooster is so virile he can have sex with a chicken six times a day.
Mrs. Coolidge: Tell Mr. Coolidge.
Farmer (turning to silent Cal): Our rooster is so virile he can have sex with a chicken six times a day.
Calvin: With the same chicken?
Farmer: No...
Calvin: Tell Mrs. Coolidge.
Me: Honey can you come in here for a second. It’s important.
Her: Ok (walks in) What is it?
me: Can you plug my cell phone into the wall (the one three feet away from me)
ROTFLMAO!!!!
“Don’t you die on me!”
“Want me to me make dinner”
“No, I know still tired from doing it in 2003”
LOL!!!
1. NEVER do the same chore two days in a row. If you do, that chore becomes yours in perpetuity.
2. Chores. When your wife gives you a chore, take some time to check it out. Take a day researching it on the internet. Order something - Anything. Take two days ‘waiting’ on the part(s). Take a day gathering the tools together and ‘schedule’ the repair. By this time maybe she’ll have forgotten about it.
3. My daughter likes to ‘flinch’ whenever her husband is with her out in public like he’s going to beat her. They both laugh but then he gets a funny look on his face like he’s been had.
4. Wife in hospital just after having baby holding it. Nurse comes in to do checks and says “is this the father?” Wife says, “That’s my husband, but I’m not sure about the father part.”
5. Never tell a woman that she farts in bed, sometimes loud enough to rouse her from sleep. Also, never tell a woman one boob is lower/higher than the other.
Hubby: (at the dinner table) We’ve been married a whole year, and you haven’t burned anything yet.
Me: Would you like me to start?
Hubby: (at the dinner table) We’ve been married a whole year, and you haven’t burned anything yet.
Me: Would you like me to start?
Sorry for the double post!
Back when I was still ‘playing’ husband/harry home owner, SHE kept griping about the 10 bucks or so a week I was paying a kid to mow the lawn - which really needed mowing twice a quarter (in season)BUT he was handy when it came to cleaning gutters, raking leaves etc etc etc
I finally gave in and bought a lawnmower and set out to mow the lawn...first pass I took out some plants and such and she blew a gasket so my job was to make sure there was gas for the mower as she assumed the duty.
Always figure screw something up and they will NEVER ask you again AND they get a charge out of being able to say you can’t ‘do anything right’..
She used to tell me I was so miserable no one would show up at my funeral and I just told her it wouldn’t bother ME a bit but it might embarrass her -IF she decided to show up but I would show up at hers just to make sure the ‘right person’ was in the box.
We did last 40 some years but admittedly only conversation from me the last 15 or so was a grunt now and then...<: <: <:
:0)
Funny stuff. My wife and I had the most remarkable banter for 22 years... lost her to leukemia. I love this post, reminds me of our days together. Good times. Thanks.
#organicpanic
I’m glad I never married
“2. Chores. When your wife gives you a chore, take some time to check it out. Take a day researching it on the internet. Order something - Anything. Take two days ‘waiting’ on the part(s). Take a day gathering the tools together and ‘schedule’ the repair. By this time maybe she’ll have forgotten about it”
Wife: Oh that’s okay, Honey, I’ll just call The Guy.
Said chore gets done quick one way or the other. Peace and love
I’d tell her “That’s fine by me if you’re paying.”
Wife: Men don’t know real pain because they get don’t pregnant and give birth.
Me: Are you kidding? Men have to do something much more painful!
Wife: What’s that?
Me: They have to live with a pregnant woman for nine months.
Oh, I’m talking about in a marriage
Works every time
Wife: There’s a rest stop ahead.
me: Yup sure enough there is. (as I drive on by)
wife: You were supposed to stop at the rest stop. I need to use the bathroom.
me: You didn’t tell me that. All you said was there’s a rest stop coming up and I agreed with that observation.
wife: After being married for 35 years you’d think you’d know what I mean.
me: What, like read your mind?
wife: yes
still happens all the time.
Wife: that way
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