Posted on 05/20/2016 7:34:08 AM PDT by C19fan
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d earn the ire of a character named Turd Flinging Monkey, the nom de plume of a popular online activist. A leader in the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) movement, which encourages men to avoid romantic relationships with women, Monkey did not take kindly to my new Prager University video talking up the benefits of marriage for men.
In the video, I noted, among other things, that married men work harder (about 400 more hours), smarter (they’re less likely to quit without having found another job), and more successfully (they make about $16,000 more per year) than their single peers. I described these as features, not bugs, of married life for men.
(Excerpt) Read more at thefederalist.com ...
I said nothing about not having children. Truth be told, I now wish I had had more.
However, I must admit I am somewhat picky about the type of woman I would find acceptable to have a child with.
Oh yes our journey has had ups and downs too and so many great adventures. I am also sad for those that have not experienced that.
I am the same way.
I understand. I had what I thought was a good marriage for 21 years and 2 wonderful children. Divorce is a terrible thing to go through, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. There will be dark days and lonely nights where you ask yourself all sorts of questions. How did it go so wrong? Is there anything I could have done differently to change the direction? How am I going to face our mutual friends and family? It’s no fun. Keep your chin up and be assured you are looking out for #1. Things get brighter, I promise you. I wish you well whatever you decide. Anytime you feel like venting or just need a reminder that someone wants you to go on, feel free to drop me a line.
Don’t push your eardrums. Take Sudafed or some other non-drowsy decongestant the night before diving and again when you get up. Makes ‘clearing’ that much easier.
Been reading this thread with interest. Caught my ex cheating after 27 years of marriage. Was crushed. But one of the problems was that we really had nothing in common any longer. There were no kids (her choice). Her interest ran on way, I got into skiing & Scuba. Different sets of friends and so forth. Looking back it was bound to happen.
Her ‘friend’ dropped her like a hot potato when I found out. Turns out he was married too.
Anyway, moved out of the area, got a divorce, met a great woman thru diving and have been enjoying life again. Keep a positive outlook. Work your plan. Things will workout for you.
“Divorce is a terrible thing to go through, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. There will be dark days and lonely nights where you ask yourself all sorts of questions. How did it go so wrong? Is there anything I could have done differently to change the direction? How am I going to face our mutual friends and family?”
When my situation blew-up I resolved not to “Look Back” and focus on the future as much as possible. Mutual-friends? I maintained very few — dropped the rest including all the women. It’s a ‘sisterhood’ anyway and when they get together to discuss a couple having a problem the discussion doesn’t end until the guy is assigned the blame. I am confident that despite my ex-wife’s admitted cheating they will all agree that it was somehow my fault.
Maintaining mutual friends also keeps the old relationship front and center. Not good. Now I had an advantage — no kids — so I always had the possibility of a clean break.
The reason I chuckled is because your experience isn't unique. I've heard stories very similar to yours before, with the exact same results.
Whatever else you do: don't be me. If you're with a woman who doesn't wrap her arms around you every once in awhile and tell you she loves you for what you think is no reason at all --- RUN AWAY.
My "saving grace" in all of this is that the only family I have left are a brother and sister (everyone else has passed on) who are both well aware of what's going on.
I could frankly give two sh*ts about her family at this point.
As for our two sons who are going on 18 and 20, I will be sitting them down once I'm out and telling them exactly why I left and letting them know who the family member is that damaged their mother so badly. They deserve the truth (two counselors have told me that.)
“...I’ve been the sole bread winner for 17 years.”
If she has no income the court will put alimony on you to the level which ‘sustains her existing lifestyle’. I don’t know about other states but in FL alimony is for life. And they don’t care when you no longer have income, you still have to pay. As one FReeper put it it is indeed slavery.
I’ve read this thread with a lot of sadness. What is apparent is that there are a lot of wounded folks out there.
Your advice about when to run away is spot on. The couples I know that have good marriages that have lasted 25-30 years are the ones where they continue to display affection— like kissing each other good bye and hello each day. And that is normally done whether others are present or not. It’s the small kindnesses that are so important.
I have to wonder, though, if some of the tragedies discussed on this thread could—and maybe should— have been avoided before marriage was even considered. Courtship, in the traditional sense, should serve as a screening process.
I think one of the biggest problems today is that too many people get too physically involved too early in the courtship process. Sex is a very powerful experience, but it can sometimes cloud one’s judgment.
Trust me when I tell you that there are still wonderful, kind women in this country. It’s up to you to find them.
We have never separated, never fought and rarely disagreed . He is the most important person in my life and I in his.
Yes, it seems like the only way to do it is to emigrate to her country, make clear that you are never going back to the US (to eliminate the ones who only want a green card), and make it clear that the cash flow stops when you die (to give her an incentive to keep you healthy). Then give her some cash flow towards her retirement.
If you treat it as you are hiring an employee to do your housework and warm your bed, then you will be unlikely to be disappointed. If there is some actual affection there, that's a bonus.
Enough do, that more and more men have the default assumption that she DOES roll that way, until she proves otherwise.
We are not necessarily simple beings. But, as you point out, our NEEDS tend to be relatively simple.
If we are fed, have sex regularly, have some relax time, and feel some degree of affection from the woman we work to provide for, then we are generally happy. In a pinch, we will even do our own cooking. (I'm the one who taught my wife how to cook after she moved in, and she's done splendidly since)
Meanwhile, in real life, how many women do you know who have married a man LESS intelligent or capable than herself? Women generally are uninterested in marrying down.
59 years, that is beautiful! Congratulations to you both, it warms my heart.
I happened onto this thread and feel like I landed in the middle of therapy session. It’s heart wrenching.
Like telling your future husband that you'd been sexually molested for almost five years by a family member, that would've been helpful.
So when a marriage starts on a LIE, sooner or later it's destined to come out, and that marriage is destined to fail.
Period.
Absolutely true! So do be careful, Baltimorepoet. Snorkeling can be just as fun....
There are so many beautiful places in the world to discover. There are also very interesting people out there as well. You meet the real interesting people going on the cheap. Too bad I like my luxury. ; )
Agree that there are some wonderful and kind women out there. One was a previous fiancee I had many years ago.
My last experience with romance however is what caused the decision to follow the MGTOW way. I was totally caught up with her, even got to know her children well and they seemed accepting of our relationship. Then I found out she was seeing someone else and showed her the proof. We fought, of course (verbally).
After that, I was on a long downward spiral. Quit working, rarely ate, slept a lot. Hugely depressed, I became a major alcoholic and have the liver damage to prove it. It took a long time to recover from that, but now I am no longer interested in marriage and I have found that constantly meeting new girls and spending time as I wish has brought about a contentment of sorts that I never would have expected.
I see who I want when I want with no expectations given either way, and now just have fun with women. Many smiles and good times, and I feel no need to press for more than that. Not such a bad lifestyle after all.
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