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Eric Holder Takes $77 Million Job With JPMorgan Chase
the daily currant ^ | 9/26/14 | staff

Posted on 09/28/2014 1:09:28 PM PDT by Nachum

Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase.

Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.

For his efforts, Holder will earn an annual salary of $77 million plus bonuses for a job well done.

In a statement, Holder said taking a job at JPMorgan Chase was the logical next step in his career, given the revolving door between financial companies and the government officials who are supposed to regulate these companies.

“By joining JPMorgan Chase, I’m simply cutting out the middleman -- the U.S. Justice Department -- and going to work directly for the great Jamie Dimon,” he said. “Plus, when Jamie Dimon calls you, or one of his many secretaries calls you, you pick up the phone immediately. Seriously, that’s what we do here in Washington.”

(Excerpt) Read more at dailycurrant.com ...


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: allsatire; eric; holder; jpmorgan; moresatire; satire; thisissatire
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To: Nachum

He and Jon Corzine should be sharing the same 4x6 prison cell.


61 posted on 09/28/2014 2:00:29 PM PDT by Old Yeller (D.A.M.N. - Deport All Muslims Now! Starting in the White House.)
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To: lgjhn23; Chgogal
He isn’t worth a plugged nickel, let alone $77M.

You're thinking they're paying him for what he's going to do on his new job.  What's really happening is that they're paying him for not having done all those things he did not do on his previous job.  For JPM it's a bargain at ten times the price.

62 posted on 09/28/2014 2:00:39 PM PDT by expat_panama
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To: dfwgator
Further proof of the big Government-Banking Complex.

It’s called “Fascism.”

Oligarchy.

In a fascist state we, the serfs, stand a chance of moving higher, but not in an oligarchy, eventually we will all be slaves.

63 posted on 09/28/2014 2:00:54 PM PDT by The_Republic_Of_Maine (In an Oligarchy, the serfs don't count.)
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To: Nachum

“We understand you’re a soulless wh0re, Mr. Holder. Now, we’re just haggling on price...”

Why is EVIL rewarded? Why? Grrrrrrr!


64 posted on 09/28/2014 2:01:15 PM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set...)
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To: Oliviaforever

Oy! I fell for it.


65 posted on 09/28/2014 2:01:56 PM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (I don't have 'Hobbies.' I'm developing a robust Post-Apocalyptic skill set...)
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To: Diana in Wisconsin

No fair, at the time “Satire” was not listed in the keywords.


66 posted on 09/28/2014 2:03:03 PM PDT by dfwgator (The "Fire Muschamp" tagline is back!)
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To: GoldenPup

“The moderator should’t allow this kind of BS to waste everybody’s time. Next, they’ll be posting recipes and knitting instructions.”

Satire, when directed in a positive and productive manner to attack liberals and promote conservative ideals is very useful in making a valid point.

However, in order for satire to work, the reader must have the necessary skills to detect the satire and understand the point.


67 posted on 09/28/2014 2:04:44 PM PDT by Oliviaforever
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To: Parley Baer; Nachum

“I looked for the satire tag but did not see one.”

Read this from the story...SATIRE!

“We are extremely pleased to have Eric Holder, a dear friend and and tireless advocate for the interests of Wall Street, join our prestigious financial services firm where he belongs,” Dimon said in a press release. “Considering the awful s**t we did — and boy did we do a lot of sleazy, ugly, ethically insidious s**t — Mr. Holder always stood in our corner and defended us no matter what. Hell, I even got a 74 percent raise out of it!


68 posted on 09/28/2014 2:08:31 PM PDT by GGpaX4DumpedTea (I am a Tea Party descendant...steeped in the Constitutional Republic given to us by the Founders)
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To: Nachum

Wise guy eh. :)


69 posted on 09/28/2014 2:11:54 PM PDT by rockinqsranch ((Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will. They ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.))
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To: All

I only wish that Holder thought something like this was about to happen to him, and then was told-———”Fooled ya!”


70 posted on 09/28/2014 2:13:34 PM PDT by Exit148 (O)
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To: Nachum

Daily Currant’s a satire site.

But don’t give them (Eric and JPMorgan Chase) any ideas.


71 posted on 09/28/2014 2:13:59 PM PDT by RichInOC (...somebody was going to say it. Why not me?)
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To: Nachum

Beware the political industrial complex.


72 posted on 09/28/2014 2:17:45 PM PDT by Oldeconomybuyer (The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.)
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To: Nachum

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Daily_Currant

“The Daily Currant is an American satirical news blog that focuses on politics, technology, and entertainment.[1] A number of its satirical stories have been taken for true news reports by press.[2]

The Daily Currant is a competitor to The Onion. According to Quantcast, the site garners over 1.5 million page views a month.”


73 posted on 09/28/2014 2:19:35 PM PDT by dynachrome (Vertrou in God en die Mauser)
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To: Cringing Negativism Network

I’ll bet you when all is said and done, Holder lands a job that even makes this bit of satire look tame.


74 posted on 09/28/2014 2:20:07 PM PDT by rbg81
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To: csmusaret

I would have considered making a donation in that case./


75 posted on 09/28/2014 2:20:44 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: Nachum

PUKE!!!!!


76 posted on 09/28/2014 2:21:19 PM PDT by Ann Archy (Abortion......the Human Sacrifice to the god of Convenience.)
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To: Oliviaforever

This son-of-a-bitch is a sitting Attorney General and negotiates a $77 million dollar deal, in the afterglow of fining the banking industry billions of dollars. There is something bad wrong here. Please exude my language. This is an ethical violation of monumental proportions.


77 posted on 09/28/2014 2:36:47 PM PDT by Texas Songwriter
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To: Texas Songwriter

High Satire here!!!!!!!!


78 posted on 09/28/2014 2:37:37 PM PDT by Captain Peter Blood
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To: Nachum

What did Terry Macauliffe make off Global Crossings? A hundred million.. That was years ago. I guess the pay scale improved for some.


79 posted on 09/28/2014 2:38:06 PM PDT by NormsRevenge (Semper Fi - Revolution is a'brewin!!!)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

never mind


80 posted on 09/28/2014 2:40:18 PM PDT by Texas Songwriter
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