Posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:11 PM PDT by VA Voter
Q. What is a cesarean section?
A. A womb with a view.
"What you so upset about, Brah. Dem woods was fully of Koa trees, yea?", asked his friend. "Uhhh yea, dey were!", he answered.
"No big thing Brah." said his friend. Y"ou never hear about Koa trees in motion?"
I had to imbibe a little “Force Ale” before I could get that one. Way to go.
Two peanuts are walking in the park, and one of them is assaulted.
-PJ
This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others. I knew my friend had no daughters or young relatives, so I figured he must like the dolls himself.
“Bill,” I said going up to him, “I didn’t know you were a collector!”
“I’m not,” he replied.
“Oh,” I said, “You’re buying a gift, then.”
“No, not at all,” my friend responded.
“If you don’t mind my asking then Bill,” I said, “Why are you standing in this line?”
“Oh that,” he answered. “It’s like this,” my friend stated, . . .”I’ve never been able to resist a barbie queue!”
Did you hear about the guy who gave narcotics to seagulls?
He left no tern unstoned.
-
-
-
To show the possums it could be done.
That's like the oldie:
Billy knew Sally.
Sally dropped her fan!
Then Billy Rose...
and Sally Rand!
My friend’s favorites:
How Long is a Chinese name?
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
He wasn’t very fuzzy was he?
I was afraid hope that pun might set off a chain reaction.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam”!
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.
That's like:
Q: How much is a Grecian Urn?
A: I don't know, I'll ask him.
-PJ
My grandpa was a collector of rare birds. Then he lost his job and had to trade his birds for food. That was when his butcher took a tern for the wurst.
I have a REALLY REALLY REALLY bad joke about Jews. Seeing as I’m a Jew, should I relate it? (I think it’s funny as Hell but I’ll probably get kicked off if I tell it!)
-PJ
I was with a girlfriend once in the 1970s, buying a six-pack. The charge was $3.69 (or something like that), and I had $3.59. I turned to her and said, “If you’ve got the dime, we’ve got the beer.”
-PJ
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.