Posted on 09/11/2006 10:39:33 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”
Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”
But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”
One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.
It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
a needy, clingy wife who has no interests other than you
On the last thread, I got hung out to dry by some for suggesting there was nothing wrong with women making a living wage before marriage. Not everyone meets their mate at eighteen or twenty, and making a living is *responsible*, not materialistic and feminist.
The Kiss of Death
Agreed!
LOL. Obviously you haven't encountered the Islamic females imprisoned in black robes and veils.
Islamic men think they are deserving too. Did they or you do something to deserve so much? Many many men here and especially in Islamic countries think like you.
The best man is one who loves and sacifices for family. There is a real man...the kind wife and kids love and respect in truth.
Agreed, on all points. All I'm saying is that the principle should be a choice made together (like you did) through well reasoned logic taking everyone's needs into account.
Fair enough, my use of the 'soap' stereotype was probably over the top. It's certainly not good to generalize - perhaps I'm tainted by my personal excitement at my wife's career and the stimulation I get from talking about her job with her, and, probably by the fact that I'd find her staying at home far less exciting. I wouldn't be opposed to it should it make her happy - but, that's her choice, after all.
Rosie, in all fairness, 'you got hung out to dry' on the last thread by a jerk who was looking for some sacrificial woman to take his hostilities out on. You know what you are and why, and you have no need to be defensive about being self supporting.
The best work and home priorities, whether to work or not, how much, and for what reasons are things each of us decide ~with~ the person we meet, marry and live with. No one else matters.
I guess that's the bottom line.
It's just hard not to get riled up just a tad when you're accused of being something that goes against everything you are. ;-)
I know, but try to remember, if they're that off base in their judgment, their opinion of you doesn't matter a bit. :~)
There's always more housework to do. But my husband doesn't care that the house is not perfect and neither do I. Has it been tough? Sure, at times. But, then, there are always tough times in whatever life we choose for ourselves.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to whatever works for each couple.
Your punctuation tells me you have a few things to learn about men.
Too true
In truth, she'll have a way to support herself and the kids more than just waiting tables, should you turn out to be a philanderer or get killed in a car wreck.
Career doesn't have to mean she's not also family-oriented. The reality is that many families depend on that second income to make ends meet.
Been there!
That's what life insurance is for.
That would hardly pay the bills for any real length of time. A 30 year old father being killed would result in upwards of 30 + years of employment income being needed by the wife. Add in 2.5 kids....you do the math.
What's the difficulty in the wife having a skill or education that allows her to make a decent income for her time spent working? Either with the spouse present or without.
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