Posted on 08/28/2006 4:09:24 AM PDT by RobFromGa
Dear Rob,
"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.
I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].
Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .
I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.
The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.
You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.
If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.
God Bless You and have a great week,
Prayers along, Rob. It's a hard road............FRegards
Dear Freeper, may GOD be with you on your forward journey into a new life change that will be much better for you and your loved ones. You will be in my prayers daily.
An easier, softer way at that.
10+yrs ODAT here
To our anonymous FRiend -
There's a lot of care and help available for you on this thread. People get and stay sober in many ways. But you can bet that we're saving you a "cyber-chair" at one of our unofficial, non-denominational, mixed-bag, cyber-meetings. (That was written with a smile, in case you're wondering.)
Hope you'll let us know who you are. I know without knowing you that you are worth saving.
We only wish you well,
RFF
I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.
I struggled with that issue too, praying for release and knowing I wanted a drink and knowing that it was very likely that I would get one soon. I was the typical hypocrite and I knew it, more importantly, God knew it too.
I discussed this problem with a very old man in A.A.( 85 year sold and in A.A. for 40 years) He told me the simplist thing that turned out to be the most profound advice I've ever had, He told me to "act as if", act as if I meant that prayer for mercy and deliverence, he told me that God knows I'm a phony and I know I'm a phony but He listens anyway and to ask God to make me mean that prayer, and believe it or not, it worked.
This was after many years in my alcoholic haze and many years of "quitting" only to start again. I know what abject failure feels like, depression that reaches the depths of the soul and causes a sickness that feeds on itself. It's a killer of the soul and a killer of men and women.
There are well meaning folks who will tell you to just "buck up" and use your will power but the news is that you don't have any will power and it's good news too when you accept that fact. Turn it over to God whether you mean it right now or not, you will mean it soon enough and God does have the will power to handle it, I promise you. That's not the end of recovery, that's the begining. Continue to pray and turn your problems over to God, again whether you mean it or not, the Lord will hear your prayer and he knows your heart.
It was a little over 25 years ago when I made this amazing discovery and I am not problem free and I am still recovering, not from alcohol, I haven't had a drink of it in more than 25 years but I am recovering still from that alcoholic mind set. Negativism, anger and depression still rear their ugly heads in my life. Turn it over daily, hourly if neccessary. Humble yourself before God and ask others to pray for you too. May God bless you richly, he has me. You are in my prayers.
I have three plus years of sobriety and they have been a great three years, and I have no desire to drink again (at this time). But there are always people out there who are in pain and agony right now, and they need to hear the messages of hope. Thanks for sharing your story.
You're giving advice when you should be asking questions!
ok, so are you RipVanWinkle lol
thanks for sharing
It's hearing (reading) that kind of humble self-honesty that helped me get sober many moons ago (20yrs odat). It seems to take the load off when someone talks open and honestly and then makes it easier for me to be honest with myself. Thanks for passing it along.
I apologize, I misunderstood the original article and addressed my reply to you personally.
Just when I think I'm begining to think straight after 25 years without booze I find myself approaching senility. (At least it doesn't make me puke).......yet.
Merciful Lord, we lift unto you our friend and all of Free Republic's supporting community in thankfulness for your endless mercy and Grace through the blood of your Son and Our Savior, Jesus Christ our Lord.
As a community (of sorts unimagined in scripture!), we unite to You beyond geographical and cultural boundaries in a common prayer for our Recovering Friend, wishing upon him/her the bountiful blessings you have brought to many of us under similar and adverse circumstances.
In the name of Christ the Lord, Amen.
J-
Please relay this directly to him or her.
Over the weekend I lost another friend to alcohol. He was supposed to be coming back to Connecticut to visit in a couple of weeks, but instead, his brother is getting on plane to California to make arrangements, and to clean out his apartment.
The last time I he came to visit, which was several years ago, my friend asked me about AA and problem drinking. I offered to take him to a meeting just to find out more, I told him about my experience, I gave him one of my Big Books. Very quickly though, he retreated into the "I'll stop myself", "I'm not that bad", "How about this weather" line. So I figured fine, he'll either change, or he'll drink his life into the ground like I did, and then I'll be there to help him pick up the pieces.
Over the years we had talked regularly. Usually he sounded fine, sometimes loopy, but we never made that open connection like in the first inquiry. Right up until the day he died he was a seemingly functional, responsible, if slightly troubled human being. Now he's dead, and I'm going to help scatter his ashes.
How I wish I could have one more chance to see him. Please don't make the people who love you have to say that about you.
Merry Christmas, Rob. Hope you are doing well. Are you going to start a recovery thread for Christmas? Thanks.
+
If you want on (or off) this Catholic and Pro-Life ping list, let me know!
Please add me. Thanks!
Oh, boy, have I been there a thousand times, as have been so many Christians....or "Christians". The Lord tends to remind you what a total fake you are, which is healthy I guess. Let your friend know he is not alone.
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