WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

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[SLB]

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"I cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply.

[linda_22003]

You actually have to go back to the eighteenth century for that one. It was the Earl of Sandwich who expressed the opinion that his rival would die "on the gallows or of the pox".

John Wilkes replied, "It depends on whether I embrace your lordship's principles, or your lordship's mistress."

[VOA]

Churchill...best-in-class in this contest!
(IMHO)

[ArGee]

He had to play an uneducated, self centered buffoon whose knowledge was short on content and long on delivery. Travolta took that acting job to heart, and so well that he continues to this day.

My wife knew David Hyde Pierce in High School. When she saw him on that short-lived sit-com before his Frasier role she said, "He's not acting. That's what he's like."

I suspect John's friends said the same about ol' Vinnie.

Shalom.

[lysie]

I love this thread. Great put down quotes.

[Ditter]

tee hee That is the Churchill quote I was going to post. I love it.

[vimto]

Yes - the version I heard was

"If you won't embrace my principles a pox be upon you sir!"

"the only way I'll get he pox is if I embrace your mistress"

Same thing.

[ArGee]

Of all the insults I have read on this post, that's the worse! I think I've seen her a couple of times in bars, dances, parties, etc.

Oh, I presumed he was talking about Helen Thomas.

Shalom.

[Carolinamom]

I used to wake up at 4am and start sneezing, sometimes for 5 hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. -James Thurber

[kassie]

Hahahaha - I love it.

[Loud Mime]

Ergo: a one-dimensional actor.

I abhor Dustin Hoffman's politics, but he's the best actor. He's played every part well. Tootsie was the best, an insult of Hollywood that lasted over an hour.

[savedbygrace]

In the late 60s or early 70s, I attended an Issac Hayes concert at DAR Constitution Hall and the warm-up act was a new and virtually unknown comic named Gabiel Kaplan.

We were rolling in the aisles with aching sides and tears in our eyes by the time he finished with us. One of the funniest acts I've ever seen in person.

[Jackknife]

Now, that's the funniest thing I've read all week!! Having watched modern floor coverage from Parliament, I can just see and hear this exchange happening!

Thanks for the laugh, but I now have to go clean up my keyboard from the spittake I just performed. ;-)

[Arrowhead]

My personal favorite:

On conceit...

Little-minded peoples' thoughts move in such small circles that five minutes conversation gives you an arc long enough to determine their whole curve.

An arc in the movement of a large intellect does not differ sensibly from a straight line.

Oliver Wendall Holmes

[Jackknife]

LMAO ....

[don-o]

... a gap-toothed and hoary ape, who now in his dotage spits and chatters from a dirtier perch of his own finding, and fouling; coryphaeus or choragus of his Bulgarian tribe of autocoprophagaus baboons.
Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837-1909) on Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-82)

[P.O.E.]

http://www.insult-o-matic.com/

[SandRat]

"Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the." - - - Mary McCarthy (about Lillian Hellman)"

That line applies to nearly every newspaper, entertainment fop, TV opinionator of today, and all but a few of the authors of books.

[don-o]

"He walked as if he had fouled his small clothes and looks as if he smelt it. " Christopher Smart (1722-71), British poet on Thomas Gray (1716-71), British poet

insults.net.

[lysie]

LOL

[Carolinamom]

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. -Jules Renard