WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

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[SLB]

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"I cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply.

[Past Your Eyes]

Perhaps my all time favorite is this one that I heard one woman say of another whose daughter had just had an abortion:
"She's too stupid to be ashamed."
I have used that as my tag line in the past. Maybe it's time to go back to it. Sure, why not?

[Jack Deth]

"Old age and guile will alway beat youth, good intentions and a bad haircut."... P.J. O'Rourke.

"Giving politicians money is like give teenage boys whiskey and the keys to your car."... P.J. O'Rourke.

"Her acting abilities run the gamut from A to B."... Dorothy Parker commenting on Judy Garland's role of Dorothy on 'The Wizard Of Oz'.

"I'd rather have a German Divison in front of me, than a French Division behind me"... Gen. George S. Patton.

Jack.

[republicanwizard]

I thought it was Disraeli and Gladstone

[Old Professer]

John Travolta was a beautiful man-child with the body of a dancer; which he still carries today - wrapped up in a messy, fleshy blanket.

[Richard Kimball]

DIs have great insults. I've stolen a few and made a few:

For overweight people:

Boy, you could use your navel for a koozie.
Every time he farts, he applauds himself.
Why don't you get a tattoo that says "inflate to 40 psi" on your neck?
You could raise goldfish in that navel.

For people who show up with their clothes in dissarray

How many lives did you save when you threw yourself on that wrinkle bomb?
I want you to start getting up early enough to go home and change clothes before coming to class.

Random comments about supervisors:

The best thing he can do to bring order to the fire scene is leave.
His decisions aren't that bad until the lithium wears off.
If he was any stupider, we'd have to water him twice a week.

[JasonC]

Winston is in the house of commons. A monotonous speaker for the government is droning on in some dry recital of figures from his department. Winston begins to nod, and a snoring sound is heard. The speaker puts up with it a little while, then confront Winston loudly. "Honorable minister, must you sleep while I am speaking?!"

Winston blinks ostenatiously, glowers around the room in a long sweeping stare, and still looking off into space exclaims "No. It is completely voluntary."

[outofsalt]

I challenge you to watch The Graduate followed by Rainman. One dimmensional defined.

[GreenHornet]

"I never forget a face - but in your case, I'll make an exception." (Groucho Marx)

[qlangley]

Disraeli in the House:

"Half the cabinet are knaves and the other half are fools".

This was, of course, unparliamentary, so the Speaker instructed him to withdraw which he did.

"I withdraw without hesitation. Half the cabinet are not knaves and the other half are not fools."

[Old Professer]

Dustin's suffered his entire life from an unprepossessing countenance that lends itself so easily to gloom and monotony as to one day serve nicely as a neglected table lamp in a darkened gallery.

[don-o]

World Class!!!!

[tophat9000]

An arc in the movement of a large intellect does not differ sensibly from a straight line.

That would describe a mind thats visits any idea for the briefest of moment's and never revisit the same thought twice... the intellectual equivalent of a homeless wandering bum

[MAWG]

Never been impressed by Hoffman. Worst actor in America. Not once have I believed him when he was on screen. Nothing entertaining or attractive about the man at all.

[ovrtaxt]

Dang, that was sweet! PJ rox.

[fish hawk]

I once read a story about Sir Lawrence Olivier where a young method actor (someone we know but I can't think of the name now) was going out and getting drunk and acting up because he had a part in a play like that. Olivier told him: " dear boy, have you ever heard of ACTING?

[kabar]

I get a chuckle out of it everytime I read it. PJ just seems to able to capture the American spirit.

[MAWG]

" Can we say shit on FR? "

Only when describing the Clintons. Then it is not only appropriate but somehow inadequate at the same time.

[don-o]

LMAO.

[Fury]

I don't often post in Sundays, but I am among friends at FR, so...

Shakespeare was famous for his insults at the time of his plays:

"Thou crusty botch of nature!
- Troilus and Cressida 5.1.5

"Frailty, thy name is woman"
- Hamlet 1.2.146

"Your face is not worth sunburning"
- Henry V 5.2.150

and finally:

"Doth thy other mouth call me?"
- The Tempest 2.2.98

[MrEdd]

"Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the." - - - Mary McCarthy (about Lillian Hellman)"

"It depends on what the meaning of the words 'is' is." –Bill Clinton