Posted on 10/17/2005 7:21:28 AM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget
I accept. I will report as time goes on.
Some people remember my invasion of Canada. Expect daily dispatches.
....now, back to my regularly scheduled stuff.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1503916/posts
Pay before you pump. If its good enough for Wawa its good enough for Mugabe.
Read the article where the UN cheered Mugabe for his speech calling Bush and Blair evil. If that one dosnt gag you nothing will
We need to move the UN to some other country. Or better yet , If we and the Brits and Japan stop paying the bills the UN will die.
Buffalo, NY -- After reading that Zimbabwe couldn't pay for a single planeload of jet fuel, I realized that this country was so ripe for the pickings that I -- Lazamataz -- could easily take it over and become Supremo Leader and Head Big Pickle of an entire nation.
Well, yesterday I began assembling my troops. I couldn't find too many volunteers: I have three drunken Mounties, seven illegal immigrants (who are all named Pablo, coincidently) and a stuttering homeless man named Stu. I've agreed to keep Stu and the Mounties in beer, and the illegal immigrants only want 5 dollars a day and one of those Mexican calling cards that they will all share.
I'll report on my progress tomorrow. Wish me G-dspeed and GOOD LUCK.
"company's terrible track record of failing to pay for refueling and landing"
Call Bono and Sir Bob.
Thanks for the update. Keep up the good work.
One question - sweet or dill pickle?
May the good Lord hold you in His hand. You are truly doing His work, O potential honcho!
Stevie Wonder has a line in I think it's Jammin'/Master Blaster that reads "Peace has come to Zimbabwe", I think it was written when Mugabe or at least black rule was restored. Makes me laugh when I hear it.
Sweet. I am a Sweet Kosher Pickle.
Still in Buffalo, NY -- I've realized that agreeing to pay for beer was a huge strategic mistake. I cannot keep the Mounties sober enough long for them to pack their gear, and I've simply given up on trying to wake Stu up. He snores and hasn't showered in 4 days.
The illegal immigrants have gotten into the beer as well. Pablo #5 kept hollering "Mas cervesa!" and all of them are singing some Mexican drinking song. The management of the hotel is complaining.
I'm running out of money and options. This invasion of Zimbabwe has taken a huge hit already. Looks like Mugabe might win after all.
Written in sadness, your friend, Laz
*Still* in Buffalo, NY -- Well, I finally got most of my soldiers sobered up. I can't sober Stu the homeless man up, because, frankly, have you ever seen a stuttering man with the shakes? It ain't pretty.
The Mounties have formed something closely resembling a line, and although their uniforms are disheveled and dirty, I think they'll do. The illegal immigrants (who I've dubbed the Pablo Platoon) are eager to start carrying lumber to the work site. It took quite a lot of pidgen-Spanish to let them know that there is no lumber and we're not building a house.
I've started to purchase weaponry for this expidition. So far, I have a single-shot .22 rifle, a pump shotgun, and 2 BB-pistols. Not bad, considering my funds are down to $22.73.
Mobilization for the Zimbabwean war is underway!
Your friend, Laz
My recent employment history includes light delivery and caring for large quantities of dogs. I don't see where you have a K-9 unit, so I would like to be a Diplomatic Courier.
I don't have to money to get to Buffalo, so I probably would need to do my Diplomatic Couriering in the Houston metro area. I have several good ballpoint pens, a zippered bank bag and paper clips.
References available upon request.
Yer hired. I can only afford $5.32 a week, however, I might bump it a little because you'll be bringing a vast arsenal to this effort. :o)
When you decide on a name for your soon to be acquired country, please advise. I will make the appropriate changes on the bank bag Diplomatic Pouch.
It will be named Hutchi Kutchi.
Because, then, when I am violently overthrown, newspapers across the world will proclaim:
...mind if I take a leave of absence....!?
I'll report for duty later....(I hope!)
You are sick. Demented. Nuts. A bloomin' genius!
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