Buffalo, NY -- After reading that Zimbabwe couldn't pay for a single planeload of jet fuel, I realized that this country was so ripe for the pickings that I -- Lazamataz -- could easily take it over and become Supremo Leader and Head Big Pickle of an entire nation.
Well, yesterday I began assembling my troops. I couldn't find too many volunteers: I have three drunken Mounties, seven illegal immigrants (who are all named Pablo, coincidently) and a stuttering homeless man named Stu. I've agreed to keep Stu and the Mounties in beer, and the illegal immigrants only want 5 dollars a day and one of those Mexican calling cards that they will all share.
I'll report on my progress tomorrow. Wish me G-dspeed and GOOD LUCK.
Thanks for the update. Keep up the good work.
One question - sweet or dill pickle?
May the good Lord hold you in His hand. You are truly doing His work, O potential honcho!
Still in Buffalo, NY -- I've realized that agreeing to pay for beer was a huge strategic mistake. I cannot keep the Mounties sober enough long for them to pack their gear, and I've simply given up on trying to wake Stu up. He snores and hasn't showered in 4 days.
The illegal immigrants have gotten into the beer as well. Pablo #5 kept hollering "Mas cervesa!" and all of them are singing some Mexican drinking song. The management of the hotel is complaining.
I'm running out of money and options. This invasion of Zimbabwe has taken a huge hit already. Looks like Mugabe might win after all.
Written in sadness, your friend, Laz