Posted on 09/22/2005 5:48:16 PM PDT by wagglebee
We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.
Adultery is one of the most terrible "facts of life" in contemporary America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV many of which are just soft-core pornography you might get the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be right.
How many people have affairs? That's hard to say because not everybody will answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners basically agrees.
Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.
Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery.
While 90 percent admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50 percent say that President Bill Clinton's morals are "about the same as the average married man." While 35 percent think that adultery should be a crime, 61 percent think it shouldn't.
Having an affair simply doesn't carry the social stigma that it once did.
According to Playboy magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow through on those libidinous impulses.
Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.
But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet pornography.
Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are related to pornography.
According to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, "approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet." And while 76 percent of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing adultery, only 41 percent of men do.
Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people, and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.
What's more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.
Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.
There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a marriage really is.
Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a temporary social contract between two people.
True marriage is a solemn covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.
The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.
It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor's spouse.
If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are married.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0670886106/qid=1127452619/sr=1-5/ref=sr_1_5/002-4240206-9281623?v=glance&s=books
Bronx or Brooklyn for school?
True but if you have lots of interactions, how will you guarantee that at least one of them won't mean lust of fornication?
BTW I haven't worked for sixty years but I have had 26 years of full time work history employment.
I'm right, your wrong.
Manhattan. I was born, raised, and lived in downtown nyc (Prince/W Broadway). I graduated from Regis High School.
And Augustine RULES! He gives hope for all natural lowlifes (like me) to strive to be better than what they are! ;-)
Because I love my husband.
END OF THREAD.
Jesuits on Prince and B'way?
Where you grew up doesn't exist anymore.
...A person can spend that added energy and deal with it & maybe it will work or maybe not, or they can cut their loss and cultivate a new relationship with a new person and not have to spend that extra energy
Thanks.
I don't know that I would assign precise numbers to the relationship maintenance effort, but your description of energy expenditure does provide an interesting perspective.
St Augustine should have studied his scriptures more..... 2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)
I saw those same ratios for cheating spouses in the 60s. Also liked the line about more women entering the workforce. Has the author been asleep since 1955?
I'm curious now on this whole "lust" thing. Is there something going on in the heads of other guys that may not be going on in my head?
Figure I'm walking down the street Park Avenue and 55th (for example) and I see a good looking chick in tight pants. My thought: "Hey, nice butt!" And then I'm crossing the street and she's forgotten. What I mean to say, is that it doesn't send me into salivating out of control fit.
Maybe I'm missing something here with the whole lust thing.
You sound Muslim.
He also stole fruit. He's probably in hell now because he didn't lead a perfect life.
The fuzzy pic of the napkins I picked up from Google (no, you haven't had too much wine...yet!) is from garlicgal.com
"Is there something going on in the heads of other guys that may not be going on in my head?"
Or woman for that matter. I was basically told I wasn't normal because I love my husband and because of that love for him I don't lust which means I'm abnormal. Huh? Is there something I ain't gettin' either?
Finelli's (sp?) and M'Lady's are still down there. But the old Italian guys on lawn chairs smoking White Owl cigars are gone.
Well, not everybody reacts in exactly the same way. Plus, there was no real opportunity if this was just a chance momentary encounter on a street. Plus people's reaction ability changes with age and other factors.
The numbers are just for illustrative purposes to quantify it for purposes of the explanation. It's just shorthand for saying 'the normal, expected mental, emotional, physical, etc energy to sustain a relationship.'
It normal times and in normal relationships, if '5' is average, it fluctuates between a 4 and a 6 I would guess. When a couple has a serious fight or a bumpy time, it jumps to a 6+ or 7, for example, but that's not sustained in most cases and drops back down to normal levels.
Basically, for most people, working out the relationship after a sexual betrayal bumps the energy commitment higher along the scale and for a longer and more sustained time. In my book, it's just not worth it when you can get a new relationship with another person and avoid that added stress.
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