Posted on 02/23/2005 2:53:15 AM PST by JohnHuang2
Have you heard of "cutting"? If you're a parent, you'd better read up. "Cutting" refers to self-mutilation – using knives, razor blades or even safety pins to deliberately harm one's own body – and it's spreading to a school near you.
Actresses Angelina Jolie and Christina Ricci did it. So did Courtney Love and the late Princess Diana. On the Internet, there are scores of websites (with titles such as "Blood Red," "Razor Blade Kisses" and "The Cutting World") featuring "famous self-injurers," photos of teenagers' self-inflicted wounds and descriptions of their techniques. The destructive practice has been depicted in films targeting young girls and teens (such as "Thirteen"). There is even a new genre of music – "emo" – associated with promoting the cutting culture.
In Britain, health-care researchers estimate that one in 10 teenagers engages in addictive self injury. According to psychiatrist Gary Litovitz, medical director of Dominion Hospital in Falls Church, Va., the growing trend here in America has alarmed school guidance counselors around the country.
It's not just delinquents and social misfits who are doing it. A concerned parent sent me the following letter recently:
I just found out this week that my 14-year-old daughter is a "cutter." She has a 4.0 average, 8th grade, goes to a good school, and is well-liked by all who know her. She is popular, has two homes (mine and her dad's) with supportive, loving families in each. Her own friends cut, too: four of them that I know of now between the ages of 11 and 14 ... [a]s do her two cousins, ages 11 and 15.
My daughter cuts herself with a safety pin. I found this out on her own personal website, which I discovered she had been hiding on a hidden account she used at another relative's home. She had links to webrings about cutting, suicide and broken hearts as well as images and poetry. Her friends all feature cutting-suicide links, icons and song lyrics as well.
The counselor at her school told me this: At her middle school, "70 percent of the kids here cut or know someone who does. It's cool, a trend, and acceptable. Boys do it as well, but are more public about it ... you're not even the first parent this week: you're the third, and just today a girl received stitches in the hospital for cutting herself so bad."
While many public schools deny the problem exists, public health advocacy groups are warning medical professionals of the cutting craze – and have even declared March 1 "Self Injury Awareness Day."
This madness would not be as popular as it is among young people if not for the glamorizing endorsement of nitwit celebrities such as twentysomething actress Christina Ricci. Several of the websites I researched highlighted the same quotes from Ricci describing her experiences with self-injury:
In an Us magazine interview, for example, Ricci blabbed about various scars on her hands and arms: "I wanted to see if I can handle pain. It's sort of an experiment to see if I can handle pain." In another interview, she described putting cigarettes out on her arm and answered questions about whether it hurt: "No. You get this endorphin rush. You can actually faint from pain. It takes a second, a little sting, and then it's like you really don't feel anything. It's calming, actually."
And in Rolling Stone, Ricci prattled about scratching her forearms with her nails and soda-can tops: "It's like having a drink. But it's quicker. You know how your brain shuts down from pain? The pain would be so bad, it would force my body to slow down, and I wouldn't be as anxious. It made me calm."
It may be all fun and games for a Hollywood starlet like Ricci, but her mindless stunts have inspired countless young girls to carve themselves into a bloody stupor. Hollyweird strikes again.
You are quite correct. The enemy is brilliant in taking the truth and twisting it for ugly and evil means. I was ensnared in exactly that for years and it took 1 Cor 7:4 and taking all thoughts and and confessing them all to my wife to snuff it out. The enemy is far more subtle than we think and the results of many things more devastating to the human race than we contemplate.
At first glance, my initial thoughts at reading this article would've been pretty close to many of your own comments. "broken home", "divorce", "medication", "never asked her what she wanted", etc ad nauseum.
Guess what? I'm the parent who wrote the letter to Michelle Malkin. Those quotes are from my very long letter to her asking her to expose this "trend" and open parents' eyes to it. I was of the "not my daughter: she's smarter than that!" crowd.
That letter came from feeling I was at the end of my rope and the school was going to cover its ass. Which it is doing. They won't even alert parents to the epidemic in some kind of vague newsletter. No assemblies at the school. It worked at my school: discussing eating disorders: many kids came forward after to talk and out themselves and ask for help.
We discovered our daughter was cutting this way: the internet. My husband found out she had a hidden email account from work. Noone saw her arms and legs, noone detected it before that. When he gave me the email address, I got in it and found her web site. NOONE DISCOVERED SHE WAS CUTTING BY SEEING THE CUTS ON HER ARMS! Yes I bear blame for that. We all thought she wore long sleeve shirts because she was embarrassed that she is developing so quickly. Plus - it's another fashion thing.
I called her dad and told him what I found on her website and email. His reaction? "Oh, it's just to show off - to look cool." I told him to look at her arms. He laughed at me - until he did. Two hours later she was in the car with my husband. She is out of school all this week at least until we can find out why she is doing this.
I bear plenty of blame and guilt for what she is doing to herself. Feel free to flame me for being a bad parent. I have always tried to do right by her. I don't give her everything she wants - I can't. Discipline is limited because she has never needed it. Imagine that! A teen who doesn't talk back? I was so touched by it all.
I won't go into the details of every little thing I have tried to do and done for her, but suffice it to say I can cover these points many of you have made:
It is a broken home in the traditional sense, yes. Her dad and I do not live together, nor have we ever. Since she was born we have lived apart. I am married - for the past 7 years and we have a little one here too. Her dad remarried as well - also around 7 years ago - they have 2 more little ones.
She is a survivor of abortion: as in I was counseled to abort her because I would be a single mom. I didn't. I CHOSE to keep her.
She has never been on medication of any kind for depression, anxiety, etc. Nor been counseled for any of the above.
She has been asked often what she wants - about everything in life. Living, school, etc. All of it.
She was taught it was okay to lie to me by her dad. "Don't tell your mom I'm letting you do this thing she is morally against." No wonder she lied to all of us about this.
I probably didn't cover all of the comments directed at "me", the mom - there were many. But there is more going on here than just a broken home.
She is being validated by her friends who cut. By the music they all listen to. Check out "The Used: Cut Up Angels". They copy the lyrics again and again to each other on their own "blogs". They feel they are not alone when they tell their friends they cut - and they all are doing it. The most popular girl in school? Well she has all the boys, the razors, the suspensions... She's COOL! That boy she liked? He went for the girl who cuts herself.
I get: "Well I don't do it deep." "I started it just to see what it was like." "I'm not addicted". I get from her private writings: "My cuts are muy mallo (sp?), up to 55 now. I guess I'll catch up to (popular girl's name here who is "dating" the guy she likes.).
I bear a lot of the blame - and guilt for this. Does she cut herself because she feels helpless to help me get better myself? (I have MS). Is it the cancer I had before this that hurt her?
But I refuse to act like she can be fixed in therapy - with drugs - and she can just go back to that school and be all right. It takes more than that. I don't know what we're going to do. We're talking a lot.. and a little. Letting her know even if she doesn't like it - we're going to do what's BEST for her as best we can.
Maybe she doesn't feel she's popular enough. Appears she is craving more attention by being a "cutter". Mom better look a little deeper.
Yes, exactly. As I said, Jeremy Enigk is a devout Christian.
----
http://www.subpop.com/bands/sdre/sdrenet.html#story
To Seth and other readers.
I'm sorry that you are disturbed about the rumor of us breaking up. It is amazing how fast these things travel. Now to begin with, I don't know where you got the idea that I am displeased with the new album. The album is not even finished yet, so how could I dislike it? In January I begin my vocals. Already I love the music alone. When I finish my vocals and the final mix is done, then a decision can be made of whether I like it or not. If I did not like the new album, that would be no reason for me to quit the band. When I look back at our last album Diary, I look at it as a diary of our emotions at the time it all went down. The same will be with the next album. It may not make me freak out in joy, it may not be to the best of our abilities, but it is who we were then. Yes sir I have given my life to Christ. For along time I dwelt on a lot of pain in my life. Pain that I had tried to get rid of in many different ways. I watched myself slowly shrivel up into a hopeless, bitter and lonely person. Well one thing led to another and I could not take it anymore so I took a shot on calling upon God. He answered me. My pain was gone. I was full of joy. I had hope again. All the hope that was squeezed out of me was replaced ten times. I had tried this in many different ways. None of them succeeded in saving me from hurt. Well , I was so full of joy that I wanted all of my friends to feel the way I did. So I told all of them, and of course they couldn't understand, since it was something that I had been going through myself. And also it is such a far thing to grasp, that it is easier to just blow it off. To give your life to Christ means to deny yourself, to completely live for him. Doing this will change your comfort zone that you had been trying to get since you can remember. You then are a new person desiring a whole different way then before. Most people definitely don't want their comfort changed, so they stay away from the idea of Jesus. The funny thing is, when you sincerely call upon him, though you let yourself go, He fills you with a joy and peace that far surpasses any joy, peace or comfort that you could possibly feel from earthly pleasures. Now, how this applies to the band breaking up. Well now that this has happened to me, Naturally I want to sing about it. I want it to be what sunny day real estate is about, so that others out there will hear. But there are mixed feelings about what we could do about me wanting to sing about Christ. One of the members doesn't mind me singing about Christ, another is very uncomfortable with the idea of singing about Jesus, and one didn't mind but now all of the sudden does. Well I understand where they are coming from because I was there. Jesus isn't anything that I want to compromise with for he is far more important then this music, financial security or popularity could ever be. So the idea of breaking up has been talked about. I have different intentions now. I want to take the band on a different path then they. It is no longer the financial freedom that once controlled me, but it is to expose people to truth for their sake and especially Jesus' sake. But who knows what is going to happen in the future. Every time I make a plan it gets changed. The future is the future. I hope that we come to a decision about the band that everyone is happy with.
Well my friend, you asked a couple questions and I gave you the whole story. Why give you the quick dumb version when you can get the story where it is. I'm going to say that there is more than what you see. I think most people believe that. Most people believe in some sort of God. Some create their own to their own comfort. Creating a mirror image of themselves, only calling it God. I must say that the true God is the one who is in the Bible, Jesus Christ. He is the only one whoever claimed to be God and on top of it all he rose from the dead. He has showed himself to me so clearly that I couldn't possibly believe otherwise. I would be a fool to say that he hasn't worked miracles in my life. When I didn't believe, there were no miracles. When I believed, the miracles still have not stopped. Call me crazy, for I'd rather be crazy and see what I've seen, then to ever go back to where I was. Now dear Seth, there is another reason that I write this letter. In it I hope you will let others who are interested read this letter to know where sunny day real estate and I stand, to clear up any confusion that is flying around. And especially to let you know of the intense change that Christ has put me through. I'm sure that you by now can see why. Maybe not through these words, but in the sincerity that I write this letter. I also intend for others to read this who are outside of your circle, Seth. These people would be, everyone in the band, and to all the people at Sub Pop. If my word is anything, this is the most sincere I have been in my life. Jesus Christ is Lord. There is a supreme truth to this world, and may your hearts search for it. Believe what you will. There is nothing more that I could do or say to show you. Believe me I have tried with many. Thanks for hearing me out.
With love,
-Jeremy Enigk
mark to respond later...
You know you have my thoughts and prayers. I admire you so much for doing this. You are a wonderful mother. And you are proving it by telling your story. I'm here if you need me.
And you're the reason I got the courage to "out myself" when a lot of the comments were against me. Thank you... Again.
Don't waste a second on guilt. That's nailed to the cross and you have no use for it. If you discover you have made mistakes, keep in mind that Adam rebelled, and his Father was perfect. Fix what you can, apologize where it is due. But you have only one accuser.
And he is not worth your time.
Shalom.
I haven't read the entire thread yet. I'm going to do it now.
I don't think that it's always "severe mental damage" but I can personally attest that it definitely messes you up. The real test is whether or not staying together "for the kids" causes even worse trauma (given abusive situations, for example).
But I don't think any child comes through their parent's divorce unscathed, even if we turn out okay in the end. It's a good thing that some states mandate counseling for the kids and the parents when a divorce is taking place...wish that that had been the case when my parents split up.
Would you like to show me where I directed anything at "you, the mom"?!
I'm sorry that it's your daughter. I hope she gets the help she needs.
"She is popular, has two homes (mine and her dad's)"
kind of sums it all up.
My apologies, I should have been more clear: In my haste to not appear defensive because I feel responsible (for not finding out sooner mostly...) i didn't say:
"comments directed at me - for or against."
Looking over the thread again, I think the reason I added you to the list of pings (aside from knowing your name haha)... it may have been because it appeared you seconded a comment about 'broken homes.' although all you did was quote that statement.
It does get better,prayers for you daughter.
You have FR-mail.
Regards,
You're right about not just giving medicine. Cutting may be gaining popularity because of the media but most cutters still need help. Serious research on cutting reveals that it is mostly white, middle-class, intelligent females who cut. They frequently cut because of a feeling of being out of control. They also have an insane amount of perfectionism. These two factors combined produce extreme mental anguish. I'm not saying this is all cutters but by far, it is the most common portrayal of a cutter. I know the facts on it because I was a cutter. And there is hope. I know that the statistics say that cutting can never be cured but it can. First and foremost, Jesus Christ. He's the best way to end cutting. Secondly, the cutter needs to be told that it is ok not to be perfect, that everyone else's lives aren't hanging on them. I'm sorry about your daughter and I'll pray for her (if you don't mind) but there is hope.
Thanks for sharing your painful story. It's an eye-opener for me. How horrible.
But I refuse to act like she can be fixed in therapy - with drugs - and she can just go back to that school and be all right. It takes more than that. I don't know what we're going to do. We're talking a lot.. and a little. Letting her know even if she doesn't like it - we're going to do what's BEST for her as best we can.
I hope prayer is included in your plan. It's the most important thing.
Practically, you should consider moving her to a different school or, preferably, a religious private school.
I sure don't have any quick answer, or really even a suggestion, but I would ask if she is comfortable enough about doing that, why the long sleeves?
maybe hiding all her long sleeves shirts would drive the point home
either way, I wish you both the best at trying to find an end to that, I don't think Jesus likes all his new clean bodies to be mutilated
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