What Do Women Really Want? (Long Read)

The Public Interest, ^ | Winter 2005 | By Neil Gilbert

[tbird5]

With journalists as well as social scientists continually on the lookout for new trends, the public is regularly treated to the discovery of social "revolutions." One of the latest concerns women and work. In October 2003, Lisa Belkin detected an "opt-out revolution" in her New York Times Magazine article about accomplished women leaving high-powered jobs to stay home with their kids. Six months later, reports on the revolution were still going strong. For example, the March 22, 2004 cover of Time showed a young child clinging to his mother's leg alongside the headline, "The Case for Staying Home: Why More Young Moms Are Opting Out of the Rat Race." But the evidence on this score is thin. Both the New York Times and Time stories are based mainly on evocative anecdotes. Princeton college graduates with law degrees from Harvard staying home to change diapers may be absorbing as a human-interest story. But as the saying goes, the plural of anecdote is not data.

The limited empirical evidence offered in support of the opt-out revolution draws upon facts such as these: 22 percent of mothers with graduate degrees are at home with their children, one in three women with an MBA does not work full time, and 26 percent of women approaching the most senior levels of management do not want to be promoted. However, with information of this sort one needs a ouija board to detect a social trend, let alone a revolution. The fact that 57 percent of mothers from the Stanford University class of 1981 stayed home with their young children for at least a year gives no indication of whether the percentage of Stanford graduates remaining at home with their children has increased, decreased, or remained the same over time.

[Polybius]

A husband who doesn't yell everytime his wife spends money.

Amen, sista.

Could we at least put an upper dollar limit on that?

[Gabz]

Gabz, I think you're my long-lost sister, lol. Mine sends me out to buy stuff for myself and gets mad when I come back with stuff for him or the kids instead, with maybe one book or something. LOL

LOL!!! is right.

He did a major roll the eyes on me this afternoon when he came home from work not because of HOW much I spent grocery shopping but BECAUSE I spent it grocery shopping. He's jumping on me because I am using the money he gave me for me (Christmas shopping, etc) for household stuff.

[Mo1]

It's easier to change out of that when the baby has spit up on you for the umpteenth time, LOL.

*L* ... For years I lived in T-shirts for the same reason ..

It was an exciting day when I could wear normal cloths again

[exnavychick]

Well, I have to say that it's nice to have a husband nagging me to spend money on myself rather than complaining when I do.

I don't take advantage, therefore he doesn't complain. Except when it's a book, lol. He'd rather have me buy myself clothes, because he's sick of seeing me in jeans and tee shirts! :)

[rdf]

Thanks for posting a thoughtful article.

Too bad no one wants to comment on the content. Maybe they'll get around to it later.

Cheers,

Richard F.

[Gabz]

Those shoes are UGLY!!!!!!!!

I'm cheap - if I can't get a pair of shoes for under $20, I don't buy them. Boots are a different story. Which is why I have Idon'tknowhowmanypairs of shoes and only 3 pairs of boots.

Of course I still have shoes that I bought when I was in high school - and I graduated 26 years ago. Heck, I'm still wearing jeans I bought back then.

I told you I was cheap.

[exnavychick]

I know! I am looking forward to that day, too. But since I'm going to have another baby this summer, it's going to be some time until I can even look at clothes that don't have an elastic waist, let alone something cute.

A good trade-off, though. :)

[Prophet in the wilderness]

I still don't know about that answer you gave me. What if ? I put my career, my job, my car, my boat ( if I had one ) my football games , before my wife ? how would she feel ? that is a lame excuse to use because of " life gets to hectic " .
I am sure a lot of women would resent their husbands and DO RESENT ! their husbands because their husbands put their football games before their wives, their careers, their jobs, their children, their friends.
I am sorry, regardless if I was married or not, putting other things before your spouse because of life getting to hectic, is not a good reason to not put your spouse first.
When we put those other things first, there is something wrong there.
Just what are those things that need to be juggle in life ?
You mean ? people can't stop seeing their friends or families , for example, instead of seeing your family and friends 2 or 3 times week, see them maybe once a week, to " MAKE TIME " for your spouse.
You mean ? people can't sacrifice a beer at the pub or bar and spend that time with your spouse ?
Yes, there are times when people need time on their own, but, I am talking about priorities, SO ? I guess this culture is telling us, according to what you told me, is ? to tell your spouse or " LOVED ONE " HONEY ? your not as important as my job, or career, or my family or friends, so ? I am going to spend more time with them, than you, I hope you don't mind, please don't feel like a 2nd fiddle because we are just " TO BUSY " to spend time together.
Is it any wonder ? their is so much divorce in this world ?

[Gabz]

Really, whats one of the meanest?

I'd getted banned from FR if I quoted some of the other things I've been called on other message boards.

[Giant Conservative]

What does he get in return?

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

What does he get in return?

What do you think? LOL ; )

[hope]

Yeppers...and it's not just for the looks and money either.

[Prophet in the wilderness]

Will, I have see that before, and it's sad, I have seen men and woman put a religion or church before their familys, and its " WRONG "
The priorities I was talking about was ?
GOD first ( not a religion, or church, I man or a woman is " WRONG " for putting a religion or church before his or her spouse or family ) then, his or her spouse, then, children, then, the next items come a distant 3rd place.
Like I said,,,, GOD EXPECTS, a man or woman, to put their spouse FIRST here on earth, GOD comes first place in any persons live, regardless if they are married or not.
I am sorry to hear that story, IMHO ? he is WRONG, and GOD will hold him accountable for it.
That is a sticky issue, whether Born again Christians should remain married to a unbeliever, but, I feel they should remain married to a unbeliever, because to do other wise, would be adultery. But, mame, he is wrong, for putting ( RELIGION and the Church ) before his wife and family. What I was talking about , about putting GOD first, is your PERSONAL relationship with GOD. Please ? I hope you understand what I meant, and try to separate the issues that I describe here. Mama ? GOD will hold him accountable, he is wrong fir leaving her in the first place, she didn't do anything wrong, he is the one who is wrong.

[Gabz]

Your sisters are the ones that are nuts.

I will never have to shovel snow again in my lifetime. The day before the blizzard hit the east coast in Feruary 2003, hubby left for the week for a training class down in Atlanta. I shovelled 33 inches of snow out of the driveway and off the sidewalk and dislocated my shoulder and collarbone in the process. Someone will be PAID before I even consider doing something like that again.


But, now we live in the middle of nowhere, 100 miles south of where we were then so I'm not too concerned. Particularly because I no longer have the stupid city ordinances of how fast you must clear the sidewalks.

Of course I'm saying this as more than an inch of snow has already accumulated outside. and it is still coming down and the temperature keeps dropping.

[Prophet in the wilderness]

My brother told me about a man at his workplace.
He works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, he don't even get to spend any of the money he made, and all his wife does is yell and holler at him.
Ladies ? is this right ? what do you think about that ? do you think it's right for this woman to treat this man this way ? I sure hope your in agreement here with me on this, because NO HUMAN either it be a man or woman should be treated this way.
I meet this man in person, he seems to be to nice of a guy to be treated this way, it sounds to me, the woman is the one who wears the pants in this family.

[Gabz]

They make you look like you have oversized feet and will go out of style as fast as bell bottom pants will.

I've always preferred them because I have canal boat size feet and they make my feet not look so large.

[Mo1]

Is it any wonder ? their is so much divorce in this world ?

The reason why there are so many divorces is because people don't work on keeping their marriage together.

Marriage is a partnership .. a 50/50 union where both sides contribute to make it one

I tried the whole "I am women hear me roar" stuff .. I tried to juggle a job, a marriage and children and found that old saying "if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy" was true

My husband and I talked about it and decided the best thing to do was for me to stay home, raise the kids and when the time came ... I'd go back out in the work force.

He works very hard to support his family and I don't complain when he takes his trips with this buddies to see the NASCAR races or goes on his hunting trips, which ALWAYS happen on my birthday

I don't complain when I'm home with small children and having to shoveling 3 ft of snow when he's either on a trip or has to be at work

And he doesn't complain if I happen to buy something

Since I take care of the bills and the accounting of our finances, I am fully aware of what money comes in and what doesn't ... which is fine with my husband because he hates dealing with that stuff

When my mother was sick and dying in the hospital last year .. he didn't complain that I wasn't home taking care of him and the kids .. he understood that my mother needed me and that I needed to be with her

Just as I understand when he has to take time to care for things for his parents

I guess my point is .. Life is a juggle .. you never know what life will throw at you and you do the best you can .. and sometimes you don't always come first .. sometimes you have to think of others and take a back seat.

[FreedomCalls]

I graduated 26 years ago. Heck, I'm still wearing jeans I bought back then.

If they still fit, more power to you! I doubt if more than 10% of women can still fit into jeans they bought 26 years ago.

[Prophet in the wilderness]

It's ok,, my mom had to handle all boys, she was the only female in the family.
Yes, my dad was a democrat, but, him and I still respected each other, and I guess he knew I loved him.
I still remember one day, I was walking into his TV room in his house,,, and, as soon as I walked in the doorway, I saw his face light up when he saw me.
I would help him at his job, I got to be with him at his job sometimes, and help him with job duties.
I would also drive him into work for him, and I know he appreciated that very much.
I remember one night, this was about 2 years before he died, we were coming home from his work, he had a long day at work, and I drove him home, and while we were riding along, he was looking out the window at the stars at night, and he told me, all the years he drive down 95 , he never notice the stars at night.
I actually heard GOD speak to me on the night my dad died, I don't care what people say, I know,, I know I heard GOD speak to me.

[Mo1]

Particularly because I no longer have the stupid city ordinances of how fast you must clear the sidewalks.

I hate those laws .. and living in a townhouse is even worse .. The only place to put the stuff is on the 2x4 front lawn ..

One year the snow was so high it was weeks before we could see out the front window again *L*