Iraq Homecoming Tips

Freepmail | Feb. 9, 2004 | FRiend in the USAF

[Ragtime Cowgirl]

  Iraq Homecoming Tips

I'm an NCO in the USAF (deployed to Iraq) and wanted to pass on a few hints for those family members who's soldiers, airmen, marines, seamen will be rotating out of the AOR as the major rotation has started. This time of transition will not be picture perfect or easy for most, as everyone over here changes a bit, as they have to. If you could pass these homecoming tips on, I'd appreciate it.

First of all, don't push your loved one for information. If they want to talk about it, they will, if not, they won't. Some things are hard to talk about and some things are not to be talked about. You can ask questions, but don't push. If they say they don't want to talk about it, leave it at that. They have probably seen some things they'll never forget that they probably rather wish they could. There are also things they are not allowed to talk about.

Next, expect him or her to have changed. Necessity forces it... they will not be exactly as they were when they left. They've had a rough time and the most recent part of their lives have been filled with more than they could probably describe.

Watch their intake of beer, wine, etc... Most have not drank anything in several months (if not over a year) and their tolerance is not what they think it is, it's ALOT lower. Many will try to keep up with everyone else or think they can still "handle it". It doesn't work that way.

Don't be surprised if they are quieter than normal. Don't worry about it unless it's excessive. Alot of people can't explain it but it's been a long time since they've been around anyone but other military members. They're not used to being touched and not used to being very close to someone. Don't be afraid to show them you love them, but make sure you don't over do it.

Finally, don't overwhelm them with everything at once... You should know if they are getting overloaded. These guys are coming back from a completely different world into what is normal for you. There are so many things taken for granted, that they've had to deal without. There are no shopping malls, there are no 25 isle department stores, there are no convenience shops, there are major choices... Many things will seem brand new to them as they've not seen it in so long. Give them time to adjust to the "Culture Shock".

Finally, don't forget to tell them that you love them and you're happy that they are home. Those words can mean so much to them. Many expect grand welcomings and many have no idea what to expect. Some expect everything to be just as they left it and things won't be. Things have changed in the time that you've been gone.

Homecoming is the event they've waited all this time for. It is seldom what they expect. Give them time and give them room when they need it. On the same note, there will be times when they want lots of attention, be sure to share it with them.  

 

 

[Ragtime Cowgirl]

I'm an NCO in the USAF (deployed to Iraq) and wanted to pass on a few hints for those family members who's soldiers, airmen, marines, seamen will be rotating out of the AOR as the major rotation has started. This time of transition will not be picture perfect or easy for most, as everyone over here changes a bit, as they have to. If you could pass these homecoming tips on, I'd appreciate it.

 

 

 

 

Sleeping Soldiers

 

Let sleeping soldiers lie,
men who, while they snore and sigh,
dream about you
safe and warm
behind their armor and guns.

Let sleeping soldiers lie,
men who, as they say goodbye,
will always pack their gear and go
to where the danger runs.

Training hard, and laughing harder,
partaking of life's full larder,
a soldiers' lot is all for those
who think the cost is cheap.

Eager hearts, whose boldness longing,
with their fellowship belonging,
shoulder arms to hold your freedom
for such, never weep!

For gladly marching, to dreadful daring,
any price or burden bearing,
keeping such as you in safety,
loved ones wait to welcome home,

Heroes' triumph, victory gallant,
accolades for virtuous talent,
our best reward, to see you smiling,
stronger love than song or poem.

~ an original poem by JSR  "Old Sarge"

(c) 02/08/2004

FR Canteen

 

 

[Fenris6]

Another bit of advice for military wives - I saw this often in the Marine Corps. Many of you met your partner in a small twon or in suburbia. While he's been away, you've taken on alot of responsibility for bills, kids, etc. that he may not fully appreciate. I use the term "appreciate" in the sense that many of you have become much more "independent". He's not going to immediately recognize that you are fully capable of handling jobs you once left to him (like tuning up the car or fixing the plumbing).

Go easy on him for a few months. Don't go crazy when he expects the relationship to exist on standards and rules that became outdated 6 months ago.

[Ragtime Cowgirl]

Thanks, Fenris6.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Related:

8 Returning soldiers warned about stress ~ Stars and Stripes | 2/07/04 | Rick Scavetta

[ohioWfan]

Finally, don't forget to tell them that you love them and you're happy that they are home.

OH........THAT'S not going to be hard!

THANKS, Ragtime!

[McGavin999]

They will come home to so much love that I'm sure it's going to stun them. That will help a lot. I wish all the families much joy and understanding.

[Old Sarge]

Fenris, Rags, thanks to both of you for the posts, and for the thread.

We've had issues like this pop up several times, when Guardsmen came back from The Sandbox after a year.

The Family Readiness Groups have been rocks of support for the folks back here, but things usually fall into one of two categories:

- The spouses/families find hidden confidence and strength while the soldier's been gone, and that creates tension; or

- The families collapse in the absence of the troop, and picking up the pieces makes more damage.

I'd add this tidbit, too: not only watch the returning soldier, but the families as well. They're trying to bring a loved one back into the fold, and it'll either be better or worse - but it'll never be the same.

[Alamo-Girl]

Bump!

[DonQ]

It is of utmost importance to show that you are unconditionally glad they're home (if they weren't wounded, be "especially" glad for that; if they were wounded then "especially" glad that they suffered a [minor] setback so you could have them back alive) ... without any talk of heroics or such.

A great many soldiers, through no act of their own, were far from the fighting and might feel ashamed or even guilty that they didn't endure the same risks or accomplish the same victories that frontliners did. Perhaps a few of them made a decision to avoid confronting the enemy and now feel particular regret or shame over that decision. Do not pick at that emotional scab by asking or suggesting that they spin yarns of their courage in combat, etc. Let them make the first move about telling whatever stories they want to tell.

[robowombat]

The part about not being spooked if the returning GI seems to be quiet and withdrawn certainly hits home. I was in no sense a combat arms hero but when I return from RVN in July 69 I had lost about 50 Lbs from having almost continuose upper resapiratory tract infections for six/seven months. I also was so happy to be in a calm materially pleasant environment that I sat for hours reading or just unwinding without speaking to anyone. The upshot was my parents put the weight loss and the 'withdran personality' together with the scare propaganda they had absorbed from the lamestream media about Viet-Nam GI's being drugged out crazies that they were seriously freightened of me and tried to get me to visit their physician for 'a checkup'. I probed a bit and found out why. I was a bit ungracious about turning this opportunity down and they suspected that I was a secret druggie for some time. One other fine memory of how sour returning from that conflict could be. I hope similar attitudes are not being generated by the lying media once more.

[ALOHA RONNIE]

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For the FREEDOM of Others...

..We Were Soldiers Once and Young.


http://www.lzxray.com/guyer_collection.htm
(Photos)

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[SAMWolf]

Good advice Bump.

[Ragtime Cowgirl]

Special ping for you, Sarge. Just wanted to post the link before getting back to you.

Thank you for sharing your awesome poem, and for your continued service on the homefront in the Guard ~ training our troops up right. Y

[Britton J Wingfield]

ping.

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Welcome Home Brother

[taxcontrol]

When I travel on business, I try to look for a uniformed military member at the airports. I approach them, shake their hands and thank them for their service.

I would ask others to do the same if possible.

[StarCMC]

Thanks for this RC -- expecting to welcome home my brother in a couple of months so I copied all this info and emailed to my entire family. HUGS!!!

[Jammz]

Don't expect too many military members to be in uniform anymore, especially overseas. Due to the constant threats, our military guys are big targets, so they blend in as best they can.

[blackie]

Welcome home ~ Bump!