Posted on 12/11/2003 7:55:35 AM PST by Mr. Silverback
A pair of magazine articles recently revealed some intriguing facts about marriage and singleness in America. U.S. NEWS AND WORLD REPORT notes that Americans are getting married later in life. And, according to reporter Michelle Conlin in BUSINESS WEEK, "The U.S. Census Bureau's newest numbers show that married-couple households . . . have slipped from nearly 80 percent in the 1950s to just 50.7 percent [of the population] today. That means that the U.S.'s 86 million single adults could soon define the new majority . . . What many once thought of as the fringe is becoming the new normal."
As a result, the way we view many things -- singleness, marriage, friendships, and institutions -- is changing dramatically. For instance, U.S. NEWS AND WORLD REPORT's article focused on the so-called "Tribal Culture," in which single friends form highly organized groups that serve as a kind of substitute family. One such group, in Denver, has 110 members. But that number pales in comparison to some of the groups that are forming online at websites like Friendster.com where literally thousands of people meet to form social networks.
The existence of these "tribes" and these statistics tell us something about ourselves, the way we're wired. We are social beings: We need family and community -- even in a culture that prizes autonomy above all things. But BUSINESS WEEK's reporter sees a quite different meaning in the trend she calls "the new normal." Conlin argues that benefits like insurance and Social Security, which have always gone to married couples, should also be extended to singles, cohabiting couples, and homosexuals living together. She writes, "Just because matrimony is good for society doesn't mean that outmoded social benefits are."
Now, first let me say that it's important for Christians, when examining this trend, to avoid pointing fingers or acting as if singles are somehow inferior to married people. Surrounded by a culture fearful of commitment and more interested in "hooking up" than dating, even those who are interested in getting married often have a hard time finding anyone who shares their interest. Also, as Paul teaches in the New Testament, not everyone is called to be married.
However, there's a genuine cause for concern when people cite widespread singleness as an excuse to promote policies that denigrate traditional families. The benefits we give to two-parent families should have nothing to do with how many families there are. It's a recognition of the great importance of a stable family structure to our society, in all kinds of areas -- the strength of the workforce, the emotional health of kids, and even the physical health of adults. These benefits are one way that we encourage standards that reflect the way we were designed to live -- standards like lifelong faithfulness to one person and a committed mother and father for every child. The more we insist on ignoring these standards, the weaker our culture becomes.
Marriage already has enough strikes against it in a culture that largely considers it just one more "lifestyle choice." We don't need to discourage it even more. "The new normal" so-called may change a lot of things, but it shouldn't change the way we look at a God-ordained, time-tested institution. Tribes may have their place in the chaos of postmodern culture, but they are no substitute for marriage and the family.
But the reality is that more married women work outside the home than ever before. My grandmother has worked in 50 years- she worked while she was married for the first four year, then when she and my grandfather started a family she stayed at home and has been a housewife ever since. This was in 1953- today that is nearly unheard of. Most women who stay at home with their children go back to work at some point. Alimony is harder to get now than it was in the past- women are expected to support themselves.
No, why would men develop a system of laws that penalizes them simply because they are men? Men may have passed these laws, but it was not at the behest of other men. It was through lobbying, NOW, feminist marches and journalistic license with various accusations and threats that these bills became law.
Because you'll eventually get older and more cynical until you become a cranky old man, and then you'll really have a hard time finding a partner for short term gratification.
You're a starry-eyed optimist. There, I said it. :-P
Now, I too would like to think there are nice conservative women out there, ready for a lifelong relationship in which divorce is not an option. In my experience, I have seen a lot of sickness out there in this society, most coming from a lack of respect. A lot of folks out there seem to lack basic respect for themselves, for others, for family, and for our heritage. All of this I think is a result of a society that caves under the pressure of socialism and political correctness. We have become afraid to stand up and proclaim what is right, and what is wrong. Until we make a stand, this problem can only get worse.
With that being said, I believe my chances of finding someone compatible are slim to none, and that the "perfect" woman is just a fantasy. I realize that marriage and relationships are hard work, sometimes causing problems in need of two dedicated people to work through them. But it seems like most people out there are quick to blame others for their own problems and do not want to take responsibility for anything.
You said that marriage is not just about sex or kids. The truth is that people are selfishly going into the union without any concept of the big picture.
If the laws and courts were not so biased against men and in favor of women, women wouldn't be the one's filing for divorce in 2/3 of the cases. I used to work for a few divorce lawyers. I've seen what happens, to whom it happens, and how often if happens. I've seen judges tell men that they are not going to get custody of their kids because they are men. But no one cares until it happens to them.
The birth rate in this country isn't dropping for no reason at all. Every year more men wake up to the fact that getting married and starting a family is to risky. I'm just glad I have a daughter, because she will never be subjected to the double standards and outright hostility that men are by the system.
Whoa there, partner.... you are missing some key contributors here. The Equal Rights Ammendment, National Organization of Women, the whole femin-nazi movement, thousands of op-ed works, personal attacks on anyone who argued against these bills both in the papers, and on TV. I am unaware of any men's movements endorsing and submitting bills that would cut their own throats.
There's precious little of it being used too.
And what's wrong with playing D&D?
But I think I can explain why people who still play D&D are not party people with this quote from a someone I knew in college: "We used to play D&D until we discovered beer." I'd also advise conservative women stay away from leftist gamers. They can get pretty darned strange.
This OPTION that is available only to women, is due to several other issues. In the 50's the American culture placed social pressures on men to support their wife at home, a man who had a working wife was less of a 'man' back then. Also, the tax shelters in the 50's allowed families to tax shelter nearly 65% of their income (deductions on interest, license costs, taxes already paid on - sales tax) plus an overall lower tax rate. People kept more of what they earned, so the wife's income wasn't as necessary as it is today.
Also, the quantity of luxury items made freely available today, and the desire to have them; has meant that couples both work to afford these things.
You get burned a few dozen times, and you start to realize that women are pigs for the most part. Nice looking pigs that you want to touch in an iterative process, but never, oh never live with.
That has to be one of the most distasteful, disrespectful comments I've ever heard.
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