Another Mugging on Capitol Hill (Democratic Party, R.I.P.)

The Hill ^ | November 26, 2003 | Albert Eisele

[quidnunc]

The Democratic Party, one of the twin pillars of the American political system and a major force in Congress for much of the 20th century, died last weekend while working on Capitol Hill. It was 175 years old. The cause of death was injuries suffered from an apparent mugging while trying to rescue the New Deal, the New Frontier and the Great Society.

Capitol Police Chief Terrance Gainer said the victim’s body was found Monday in the excavation for the Capitol Visitor Center, shortly after Congress cleared the way for overhauling Medicare, the Great Society program created in 1965 that was considered the party’s most important legacy.

The time of death was uncertain, but it probably occurred between early Saturday morning and Monday afternoon, Gainer said.

Even though the body bore signs of a violent struggle, Gainer did not rule out the possibility of suicide, citing reports that the victim had been severely depressed since November 2000.

Gainer said he is investigating several leads, including a tip that three top House Republicans — Speaker Denny “Hardball” Hastert (Ill.), Majority Leader Tom “The Sledgehammer” DeLay (Texas) and Ways and Means Chairman Bill “Take No Prisoners” Thomas (Calif.) — were seen making threatening gestures toward the victim in recent days.

He also said two surviving Senate Democrats, John “Huey Long Didn’t Go Far Enough” Breaux (La.) and Max “Let’s Make a Deal, Any Deal” Baucus (Mont.), were considered possible suspects because of their involvement in efforts to help Republicans overhaul Medicare.

“There are a lot of potential suspects who wished the victim ill will,” Gainer said. He indicated that he intends to interrogate AARP Chief Executive William Novelli, Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie and conservative radio talk-show host Rush Limbaugh.

Hastert, while denying that he or his colleagues had anything to do with the victim’s demise, said he has no regrets that Congress will now become a unicameral body, like that in Nebraska.

-snip-

[quidnunc]

This is why the Medicare prescription-drug benefit package is money well-spent.

[goldstategop]

LOL! The Democrats really died from an acute case of "terminal depression."

[southernnorthcarolina]

Only problem is, we taxpayers will be the pallbearers.

I'm not sure I can lift that much.

[Cicero]

Suicide, while in an unsound state of mind.

[South40]

Not soon enough.

[Salvation]

**the victim had been severely depressed since November 2000.**

LOL!

[pierrem15]

I agree:

a) the dems are furious because one of their campaign pillars has collapsed, and they can't scare the old folks about those nasty pubbies taking away SS and Medicare;

b)the privatization camel is poking it's nose into the tent;

c)the costs will come "fron loaded" and force the Congress to address the issue or take the voter heat from the increases in the payroll tax.

The dems are on their knees on the tatami mat with an open kimono and Bush has just handed them the shoto.

[APFel]

"Hastert, while denying that he or his colleagues had anything to do with the victim’s demise, said he has no regrets that Congress will now become a unicameral body, like that in Nebraska."

Unicameral means that either the house or the senate has been eliminated in the legislative process. I doubt that either would be abolished if/when the Dems drop dead.

I have a hunch that the real Hastert would know this (at least I hope he does).

APf

[Defender2]

demoCommiecRAT party(not capitolised on purpose), Rest in Pieces!!!!:-)

[Pubbie]

Hastert, while denying that he or his colleagues had anything to do with the victim’s demise, said he has no regrets that Congress will now become a unicameral body, like that in Nebraska.

“As the last Speaker from my home state, Uncle Joe Cannon said, when you’re in charge, you can do anything you want, even keeping the vote open as long as you have to, as we did to pass the Medicare bill.”

The former high school wrestling coach added, “If you’ve got your opponent in a hammerlock, you don’t let him up until he asks for mercy.”

Nevertheless, Hastert said he welcomes former Democrats into the GOP caucus, “as long as they don’t ask to be included in any conference committees. Come to think of it, we won’t have to bother with any conference committees.”

DeLay was less conciliatory. “The Democrat Party was like those pests I used to exterminate, not that I had anything to do with its death,” he said, adding, “Now that I don’t have to worry about redistricting in Texas, I can concentrate on raising money for my charitable events at next year’s Republican National Convention.”

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.) offered his condolences to the victim’s family and friends. “I know what it’s like to lose a patient on the operating table,” the heart-lung surgeon said. “But I could see that the deceased was in increasingly poor health in recent years, and I think it’s entirely possible death was due to natural causes.”

Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) said he was sorry to see his party expire. But he expressed confidence that it would reconstitute itself in a few years, “as soon as Ted Kennedy and Zell Miller figure out what we stand for.”

[tgslTakoma]

Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) said he was sorry to see his party expire. But he expressed confidence that it would reconstitute itself in a few years, “as soon as Ted Kennedy and Zell Miller figure out what we stand for.”

LOL!

[JoeFromCA]

I haven't had time to analyze the new Medicare bill, but anything that makes LifeGuard Teddy apoplectic has to be a good thing.

[Savage Beast]

What's really funny is that as the Democrats did their best to portray the brilliant President George Bush as a bungling fool, he was dancing circles around them and outwitting them at every turn, all the while revealing to history, all the world, and most importantly the American people what disreputable, mendacious, meretricious, bungling fools the Democrats are.

[Bubba_Leroy]

I still wish that Teddie had been successful with his filibuster. That would have been the best of both worlds. A multi-billion dollar income redistribution scheme would have been stopped and the democRATs would have gotten the blame for keeping seniors from getting prescription drug coverage.

[July 4th]

Economy: will be completely taken off the table by the middle of 2004.

Medicare: taken off the table. Plus AARP will supposedly be running $25m in ads supporting candidates who supported the bill.

Domestic terrorism: assuming no more homeland attacks, taken off of the table.

What's left? Iraq. And I have the full belief that the situation there will be completely under control in a matter of months, not years. After all, it's already a ton better than the media portrays.

The only thing I can think of as a growing issue is trade, but those arguments won't fly in a good economy, and it ignores the fact that while some have been hurt, many have been helped.

Bottom line: The Democrats have nothing left to run on for the general election. They can use abortion and gay rights in the primaries - they need to pander to the base. But if someone uses that stuff in the general election, they might as well give Walter Mondale a call and reminisce about 1984.

The game in elections is to capture the middle. The Rove strategy doesn't just capture it for a single election. It makes it part of the party. This moderates the Republicans, but utterly decimates the Democrats.

[The UnVeiled Lady]

Only problem is, we taxpayers will be the pallbearers. I'm not sure I can lift that much.

This is the saddest part of it, something I didn't expect from the Republicans....very bad!

[jonascord]

The deceased was found to have been shot, stabbed, strangled, poisoned, thrown from a seventh story window and struck by lightning. The coroner's verdict was, "death by the visitation of God..."

[Fledermaus]

The Dems don't want to have anything to do with gay rights since they are backing away from gay marriage already.

[Timesink]

Domestic terrorism: assuming no more homeland attacks, taken off of the table.

More than once, I've wondered if perhaps Al Qaeda isn't intentionally holding off on domestic terrorism until the next time a RAT is running the White House (and maybe one branch of Congress along with it). Perhaps they realize that if they bide their time until the next time a Dem is in charge - a day that will, sadly, come eventually - they'll be far more likely to get away with it.

[Democratshavenobrains]

The victim was a known associate of various hate groups such as the International Communist Party, the Nation of Islam, and the ACLU. His last recorded words were "Its the JOOOOOOOS fault!!"