Snappy comebacks and one liners

1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9) I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.

10)Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14) No, my powers can only be used for good.

15) How about never? Is never good for you?

16) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17) You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

18) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

19) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22) My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

23) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

28)I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

29)Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

30)My reality check bounced.

31)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
He always finds himself lost in thought......it's unfamiliar territory.
He doesn't know the meaning of fear......but then again, he doesn't know the meaning of MOST words.
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works!
I'm impressed.........I've never met such a small mind in such a big head before.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
You're a habit I'd like to kick---with both feet.
I'd like to give you a going-away present...first, do your part.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement right away.
Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
. . I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
You are not even beneath my contempt.
I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
I would ask you how old you are, but I reckon you can't count that high.
I would have like to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid..
I'm blonde. What's your excuse?
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
She has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but it looks like this guy just gargled.
Some folks are so dumb, they have to be watered twice a week.
That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
Whom am I calling 'stupid'? Good question. I don't know. What is your name?
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
Your verbosity is exceeded only by your total stupidity.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
Breathe the other way, please. Your opinions are bleaching my hair
You have got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food again on the way down.
I hear you changed your mind at last! What did you do with the diaper?
You grow on people....so does cancer.
If shit was music, you'd be an orchestra.
You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
He is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know.
You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I'd love to hang you.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
There are only two things I dislike about her - her faces.
Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?
I can tell that you are lying - your lips are moving.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person. She's the first in her family born without tail.
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder - it would be an apocalypse!
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Ordinarily people live and learn, but you, you just live.
You are not as bad as people say - you are much, much worse.
Her origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under her family tree.
I know you always have your ear to the ground. How's life in the gutter?
Talk is cheap. but that's OK - so are you.
You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
He's better at sex than anyone. Now all he needs is a partner.
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
You're the best at all you do- and all you do is make people hate you.
She has more faces than Mount Rushmore.
People would follow him anywhere.....but only out of morbid curiosity.
His personality's split so many ways, he goes for group therapy on his own.
If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be truth!
If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

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