Snappy comebacks and one liners

strangecosmos

[damnlimey]

1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9) I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.

10)Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14) No, my powers can only be used for good.

15) How about never? Is never good for you?

16) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17) You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

18) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

19) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22) My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

23) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

28)I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

29)Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

30)My reality check bounced.

31)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

[damnlimey]

For all of us lacking in the witty repartee
and snappy come backs department ,some essential debating tools

[billhilly]

No thanks, but keep trying.

[Texaggie79]

In a pinch, the good old; "Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your mom" always works. George Castanza used the wife one.

[COBOL2Java]

Some good ones! But let us not forget the Godfather of the snappy comebacks and oneliners, Groucho Marx:

1. Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
2. I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
3. There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.
4. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
5. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
6. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
7. You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

[tacticalogic]

I've always liked

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't run a pissant's go-cart two laps around a Cheerio.

[SolitaryMan]

Thanks, I needed that. Now if I can just figure how to bookmark this article.......

[damnlimey]

OUCH
Thank you sir,may I have another?

[3catsanadog]

He: So then, what's your sign?

She: Dollar.

[TomGuy]

If I were as intelligent as you, I'd probably think the same thing...but I earned an advanced degree.

[KayEyeDoubleDee]

Here's a quarter, go call someone who cares.

[horsewhispersc]

and I came to this thread to get educated! ;-)

[Texaggie79]

That's sooooo old. Try here's a quarter and a dime....... Call cost more now days

[damnlimey]

"and I came to this thread to get educated! ;-)"

That'll teach you.

[College Repub]

50 cents now on the east coast!

[stlrocket]

Along these same lines - Pointed Bumer stickers.

BUMPER STICKERS WITH A REAL MESSAGE - (CAUTION- COULD BE GRAPHIC)

[HockeyPop]

You've got two brain cells: one is in a wheelchair and the other one is pushing.

[horsewhispersc]

LOLOL

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Here's one to use only if you can back it up;

"You'll never be half the man your mother was."

[KayEyeDoubleDee]

Are you currently accepting Your Mom insults, considering your opening with post#3? If so, I'm tempted to make a comparison with the cost of a phone call and a certain member of your family.

[billhilly]

OUCH Thank you sir,may I have another?...............And I thank you sir, for taking it in the manner that it was intended.