Posted on 12/18/2001 6:23:36 AM PST by SAMWolf
I am a huge advocate of parents getting into their children's schools on a regular basis. As a stay-at-home mom, I am able to assist in my daughters' classrooms each week. Whether helping with art projects, reading or spelling, it keeps me connected and allows me direct insight into my girls' day-to-day lives. It also affords me the opportunity to connect with other children. And connect I do. The hugs and openness with which I am greeted are huge indicators that I have broken through that Grown-up/Child barrier.
It could be that when I go into the school, I don't dress like an authority figure. You won't find me wearing Chinos, skirts, loafers, untouchable hair or any other spiffy adult attire. Instead, look for the person clad in sweatpants or jeans, a comfy sweater and a baseball cap . . . always a baseball cap. I come prepared to hug, get dirty on the playground and sweep the floor with my butt during reading circle. I also come with enough hugs to go around, twice. As a result, I have been granted access into the Inner Sanctum of the Schoolyard.
Last week while working on an art project with a rotating group of kids we talked about music, movies, swear words, parents, the holidays. As talk turned to what they hoped would be under their tree for Christmas or part of their Hannukah 7 Day Gift Haul, I decided to take advantage of my "non-threatening" status and pose the question: "Name one thing you would like your Mom or Dad to give you this season that would not cost a penny." You could have heard that penny hit the floor as silence enveloped them, and their young minds went to work. As they each took turns answering, I was moved to tears by their candor, their honesty and in some cases the heartbreaking realities revealed in their words.
It is my holiday gift to you all that I share what your kids REALLY want this year. And no, a Play Station 2 is nowhere on the lists of their hearts.
Listen To Me Please: At the top of their lists is for we parents to stop being so busy all the time and just listen to them talk. I know I have been guilty of this one. God knows, we really are not interested in hearing about the latest unpronounceable character in their Harry Potter books, but we need to stop, look them in the eye, and listen. If we don't, they will simply stop trying. And we all know that the teenage days will come when they won't want to discuss anything with us, be it Harry Potter or their newly hairy pits.
Teach Me To Cook: I was surprised by this request, but when I pressed for an explanation, it quickly became clear. We are raising a generation of Microwave Kids. They know how to use every button on the magic box, but have no idea how to simmer, bake or boil. Granted, there is great messiness in allowing your youngsters to cook with you, but take it from me, some of my happiest memories are in the kitchen with my Mom, dusted with flour and smudged with love.
Please Stop Smoking: One child spoke this wish and it was quickly echoed by many others. They have seen enough commercials to be truly concerned about your health and their own, but it goes a bit further than that. One young girl pulled me aside and whispered her reason in my ear, "The other kids say I always smell bad." I hugged her close and bent to kiss her head and she was right. Her hair did not smell of Johnson & Johnson's, but of Benson & Hedges. Not her choice and certainly not fair.
Stop Being So Busy All The Time: If guilt were a color, I would have been painted with it when I heard this one. How many of us use the phrase, "Just a minute . . ." or "Hold on . . ." too much? Personally, there have been too many times I have looked up after "just a minute" to find my child has given up waiting and is gone.
Read To Me: We tend to think that once a child can read, our job is done. Actually, these children expressed a desire to have Mom or Dad read a chapter book TO them each night. And while they would really enjoy the reading, it leads to a deeper desire . . . the other request that made me choke back a tear . . .
Hug Me More: I experience these children each week when I enter the classrooms. They cling to me tighter than a wet pair of Levi's. They are the ones that are not getting enough hugs and snuggling and attention at home. For them, I hug them not once, not twice, but as much and as long as they need. So while you are running around doing that last minute shopping, add some of these items to your own child's list. Rich or poor, they are all things that cost not a dime and we all have in endless supply. We just have to stop and open our arms and hearts a little wider.
Well, I've been in this lady's sneakers before. We finally took the plunge to homeschooling this year, but when my kids were in school, that was my 'job' going in to volunteer for various and sundry things. And I did it a lot because it was tough getting parents in to the school. Some parents just didn't want to, some worked and couldn't, and some had very little ones and couldn't get sitters.
But this lady is correct in saying WE ALL need to be more cognizant of our kids. They grow up SO fast, and are gone before you know it. Sir SuziQ regrets he didn't spend more time with our older boys before they got away to college. That's one of the reasons we decided to homeschool; to have more time with the two younger ones. And it has been nice being with them and being the ones who teach them what they need to know to take their places in the world. And it gives us lots more time to do the things like cooking and reading together!
It's OK or you to stop being busy cooking...spend a little time with the kids teaching them how to smoke! (Hint: Start 'em off with "unfilters" so they understand your serious about their request.)
BTW: I've seen a lot of adults who would love to connect with kids, but can't. Kids know, usually at first sight, whether an adult is "approachable." It's basically about size, attention, and trust. Lots of adults don't allow themselves to open up to kids. In fact, many adults scare kids to death.
Note the lady's techniques:
1. When she works with kids, she sits on the floor. This keeps her head at the kids' level, and makes her one of them.
2. She touches them, and lets them touch her.
Some things she doesn't mention, but I bet she does:
3. She isn't nicey-nice: she corrects speech and action, requires "please and thank you", and basically sets limits for proper behavior. Kids crave that.
4. She looks kids in the eye, tries to figure out what they're saying, and talks to them like they're human.
5. She learns and remembers kids' names, and greets them wherever she sees them.
6. She doesn't force herself on a shy kid -- eventually the child will come to her.
Finally -- and I suppose this is not a "technique" -- she loves little kids.
Prepare to face the wrath of the Parenting Taliban, Ward. They're already assembling, and you've stepped into their midst....
It is natural for kids to think first of toys and games. To the article's point, asking these children about nonmaterial possessions gets at the matter of what they need more than what they'd want at first thought. I suspect every person on this thread would trade any toy they got as a kid for the nonmaterial items listed above, now that they can view the world through an adult's eyes. We understand what's most important, now.
I decided to take advantage of my "non-threatening" status and pose the question: "Name one thing you would like your Mom or Dad to give you this season that would not cost a penny."
Then it says:
It is my holiday gift to you all that I share what your kids REALLY want this year. And no, a Play Station 2 is nowhere on the lists of their hearts.
How can you take this person seriously? Her sentiments are good and practically every homeschooling parent and many non-homeschooling parents already know them, but the story is obviously fabricated. It reeks of liberal feelgoodisms.
Do you disagree with the author's sentiments?
If you asked my eldest what he wants most for Christmas right now, I am 100% sure he'd say "An X-Wing Star Fighter!"
I take her seriously because she is exactly correct.
Her sentiments are good and practically every homeschooling parent and many non-homeschooling parents already know them,
I don't agree. In my experience, many parents do not know them -- especially with other peoples' children. IMHO, it is almost as important to treat other people's children this way, as it is to treat your own children.
but the story is obviously fabricated.
It is not at all obvious to me that her story is fabricated: I have known people who have done what she describes.
It reeks of liberal feelgoodisms.
To me, it reeks simply of doing as Jesus might: And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." (Mark 10:13-15)
Wow, did this hit close to home. Three weekends ago, while I was taking my customary Saturday morning nap (I work four jobs during the week), my six-year old woke me up and asked if we could do something special together that day (he calls them "adventure days"). I smiled and asked him what brought on his desire to spend the day.
He said, "Daddy, I never get to see you because you're working all the time. Let's go!"
Talk about something burning its way to your heart. Time with me was all he wanted -- and time with me is what he shall have.
Thanks for the post.
BINGO!
Having similarly hated other articles, I guess I can see your point....
Er.... Any particular reason?
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