Posted on 12/04/2001 7:13:41 AM PST by toenail
In her book to be released in 2002, my friend Dr. Theresa Burke writes,
"There is no social norm for dealing with an abortion. There are no Hallmark cards for friends who have had an abortion, declaring either sympathy or congratulations. We don't send flowers. We don't have any ceremonies, either joyous or mournful. We have no social customs or rules of etiquette governing acknowledgment of an abortion. Instead, we all try to ignore it."
The book, "Forbidden Grief," with which Dr. David Reardon also collaborated, demonstrates that grief after abortion is neither expected nor permitted in our society. Drawing from their vast experience of post-abortion counseling, the authors illustrate some of the ways that this "disenfranchised grief" eats away at the personality, and results in harmful and bizarre behavior.
As a graduate student, Theresa Burke led a weekly support group for women with eating disorders. The meeting exploded out of control one night when, unexpectedly, the topic of abortion arose. Six of the eight participants had had abortions. This led Theresa to begin exploring the connections. One woman explained, "I am never hungry when I binge. I eat because I am full. Full of anger, hurt, sadness, and loneliness. I throw up because that is the way I empty myself of those feelings."
Every thought and emotion we have is connected to other thoughts, emotions, and memories. Connections to the negative memories associated with abortion are often overlooked, even by professional therapists.
Forbidden Grief reveals many of the connections. For example, those who undergo a trauma often re-enact that trauma, in a subconscious effort to articulate, understand, and master it. One client became obsessed with pregnancy after her abortion. She explains, "I used to go to the maternity section in department storesI usually had a towel stuffed in my pantyhose to make it look like I was pregnantbut as soon as I'd get in my car I would cry my head offI'd rip the towel out of my belly to dry my tears. I'd tell myself, you're not pregnant this is just a stupid towel."
Another rode horseback regularly without padded pants, until she bled profusely, hence re-enacting the abortion.
One way or another, we ritualize our grief.
We also sometimes try to trivialize it when we know it's too much to bear. Dr. Burke describes a dorm party in which the students, many post-abortive, played "Baby Soccer." The broken heads of dolls were kicked around the room gleefully, their eyes gouged out with darts, their cheeks burned with cigarette butts.
Other post-abortive individuals increase their risk-taking behavior, hoping they will get caught or hurt. After all, they know they are guilty, and may seek an experience to confirm that.
When society trivializes abortion, people suffering from it will, cry out by their actions, "I'm not OK! I'm in tremendous pain! Can anyone help me?" We need to tell them we know that pain, and that it makes sense to grieve. Only then can healing begin.
Implying that a cesarean is high (deathly) risk is not true. I had two and lived. Yes its more risky than natural child birth. Every birth is risky.
Ive thought of this many times, but sometimes I dont like pre-natal technology. It serves an excellent purpose and serves us well, MOST of the time. I loved having my sonograms and would have been devastated if I had found out something was wrong with my little one. But what about the time before all this technology when life was simpler (and harder). Women didnt know if their baby was healthy or not until it was born, thus no opportunity to kill it. No Im not backward, and I think prenatal care is such a blessing .my point is, let God take the child. Let God be the ultimate judge of life and death. We cant justify it, because the baby is sick. To me personally, abortion boils down to ONE THING ..a complete and utter lack of faith in God to take care of the situation in HIS TIME.
And the very saddest part about stories like this is, couples miss out on so many blessings a sick child can give. God, in his infinite wisdom had a plan for this baby. We are all going to die. Sick babies just die faster. Why take it? We dont understand God or his plans. We only have a basic, limited understanding of the Supreme Being. His Glory is so magnificent, we dont even have a clue until we meet him someday. Its best not to interfere with his plans, IMHO.
Another thing that is sad, although I do not question the severity of this case, is many times I think the unborn babies poor health can be over exaggerated. I have a friend down the street who home schools a very beautiful 11 year old girl with fluid on the brain. And I went to church with a women who was so incredibly sick during her pregnancy that the doctors begged her to abort. Her boy is 20 something now.
I do have to honestly admit something here before I go. I really struggle with the abortion issue in the case of the health of the mother. Especially if she has other children at home. And yet, I know a necessary abortion for the health of the mother is very rare, if honestly needed at all. I do struggle with it though.
I have wonderful Catholic friends in real life and also on another internet site. I've learned so much about the faith this past year. They have been educating me. I never realized I had so much in common with Catholics. I do have tremendous respect for their activisim when it comes to pro-life issues. Our crisis pregnancy center in our town is run by Catholics. Oh...and I can't sign off without mentioning how much I love Catholic Charities. I trust them. I'm not Catholic, but I wish more people would donate to them, rather than the Red Cross or the United Way.
And just one more little bitty thing. I don't like the term Crisis Pregnancy. In my thoughts, there is no such thing. Babies are from God and God is not a God of crisis. He wants that baby to be here, whether the mother is unwed or she has 10 kids she can't feed. In this line of thinking, Jesus Christ was a crisis pregnancy. Can you imagine being 14 or 15 years old, and a virgin and having to tell your parents and your husband to be, you are pregnant by the Holy Spirit? If it were me, I would definately consider that a crisis. There is no such thing as a crisis pregnancy. I dislike that term. (Actually there are several "crisis pregnancies" in the Bible).
Anyway, it's late and I talk too much when I'm tired. Good night!
Should read Forbidden Moral Thought Before Abortion
Does it make sense to sanction serial killing of a random sampling of perhaps Chicago, just because on rare occasions a bad guy will get offed and thus the crimes of that individual will be cancelled before they occur? What about the other thousands of serially killed individual human beings that were not criminals; why must they be serially killed just to get at that one baddy?
The leftists societal engineers need the blood rites, to subdue women's voices, that's why they argue for this heinous serial killing method using the most obvious exception as if it were the rule. Sick, very sick! serial killing of 99.99% of the preborn offed with partial birth infanticide, protected just so the exception can be done with full legality. [Here's a hint to those fools who want to argue this #119 case any further: the medical profession could have done the woman's procedure, even if the law passed by the Congress and vetoed by the bloody x42 were in effect against partial birth abortions! And the damn lying leftists know that full and well, but will exploit this woman's case with lies just to keep their serial killing rites of feminist passage protected. And it pisses me off no end that the American people don't appear to give a damn that the feminists and serial killer worshippers continue to lie to the public!] [/rant]
MY rant: We were so effective in personalizing and challenging the "Chads" and we haven't yet worked together to end this holocaust. When "Chads" become more important than "American unborn children" I get p______, too. grrrrrr
No, dear friend, not a rant at all. It's so true what you've said...ALL of what you've said. Now, HOW do we get the message to the public??? Something for all to ponder. Prayer is definitely something we need to be doing more of. Prayer for lots of things, eh?
I'm tired, can ya tell? :-)
---a reference to the Holocaust by Franz Stangl, Nazi commandant of extermination camps in Sobibor (March, 1942 -September, 1942) and Treblinka (September, 1942 - August, 1943).
Interviewed by Gitta Sereny in 1970, Stangl's comments later appeared in the book Into That Darkness: An Examination of Conscience (1983).
I'm in favor of a post-Roe Human Life Amendment. En route to that, there will need to be incremental measures put into place by law. A ban on partial-birth abortion, parental consent for minors, defunding Planned Parenthood, keeping the proposed "clinics" out of public schools...and V4F.
V4F is, in tandem with science and sympathy in favor of the prenatal baby. V4F offers a visible protagonist (the father), who is closely connected to the situation at hand.
It obliterates the "every child a wanted child" argument. Under V4F, every child is wanted, and supported, by the father.
It blows the myth of abortion being a "woman's issue". So long as pro-lifers are silent on V4F, abortion will be considered by the public-at-large a "woman's issue". As such, on some level, people will say, "Well, so long as abortions aren't forced..."
Many, many women subscribe to the NIMBY principle, saying that they would not personally have an abortion, but wouldn't stop others...V4F exposes the gyncentricity of this position.
I would pose to pro-lifers the following: the pro-life movement has failed in the courts and legislatures for 30 years. They have failed to endorse or even acknowledge the V4F position for 30 years. Society has paid the price for this twinned set of failures, and they are twinned. Abortion will never end, and a Human Life Amendment will never come about, until V4F is endorsed by the pro-life movement. It takes two to make a baby, but so long as pro-lifers are silent about one of those two, the father, it will appear that only one person was involved in conception, and that therefor the product of conception is the province of one person only. Keeping fathers/V4F out of the picture undermines the personhood of the prenatal baby for these reasons. It is not baby's rights vs. father's rights. It is that after 30 years of colossal failure by the pro-life movement's no-father approach, the baby's personhood needs to be endorsed by a visible, immediately involved protagonist: the father.
Pro-lifers refuse to engage this issue. All manner of red herrings are thrown out: well, the father was probably some irresponsible jerk, or somehow V4F would lead to C4M (when actually they are opposites), etc. etc.
Pro-lifers refuse to wake-up and endorse this issue.
And this is why we fail.
Well, what do they expect? It's just a blob of tissue after all. They think it would be like grieving over a hangnail for pete's sake.
I had a good long argument with some narrow-minded bitter guy on FR last year who said just that. "It's a women's issue, they asked for it, they should fix it." (paraphrase)
I agree with you, it's people unwilling to see how it's *everyone's* issue, that are a huge roadblock on the way to solving the abortion "dilemma."
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