Dunkin' Donuts Opens New Sprinklin' Donuts For Presbyterians

The Babylon Bee ^ | May 6, 2022 | Staff

[HKMk23]

MOSCOW, ID — To accommodate people who prefer sprinkling donuts with coffee instead of fully immersing their donuts in coffee, Dunkin’ Donuts recently announced plans to open new branches of their popular donut shops in communities with a large number of practicing Presbyterians.

[HKMk23]

A bit of baptismal levity to kick off a new week, 'cuz -- remember -- if ya can't laugh at yourself, someone else will. LOL!

[dangus]

Huh. I’m Catholic, and I like my donuts with sprinkles...

[KarlInOhio]

Does sprinkling the donut dough count or do you have to wait until the donuts are fully baked?

[Tell It Right]

They are so not inclusive unless they have a pouring donuts too. LOL

[Red Badger]

I don’t dunk or sprinkle.

I eat it dry.................

[MurphsLaw]

You know Ezekiel would get a chuckle out of that...

[z3n]

Can't even remember the last time I had a donut. But at risk of starting a debate, let me just posit this one mathematical postulate

Krispy Kreme > Dunkin'

Also, this:

[RatRipper]

We stick-in-the-mud Presbyterians aren’t above a little humor.

[skeeter]

I’m a Presbyterian but believe only day old donuts should be sprinkled.

[Colt1851Navy]

As a Baptist transferring to the Presbyterians, they gave me credit for being previously dipped.

[one guy in new jersey]

Oh No They Di-int! LOL

__________

“At publishing time, Jade Wade and the executive team at Sprinklin’ Donuts had called an emergency meeting to reevaluate the entire plan after being informed that the Greek word “baptizo” literally means “to immerse.””

[armydoc]

Dateline Moscow, Idaho LOL. Any Douglas Wilson fans here?

[MayflowerMadam]

Total immersion in black coffee = Heavenly.

[Celerity]

“Total immersion in black coffee = Heavenly.”

Are you sure you’re not Opus Dei?

[seowulf]

Dunkin' Donuts Opens New Sprinklin' Donuts For Presbyterians

OK, but what do you do with heathen Krispy Kremes?

[Strident]

From a PCA’er

Two old boys were talking about Baptism practices.

Rafe asks Bubba “Do you believe in infant baptism?”

Bubba responds, ‘Do I BELIEVE in it? Of course! I SEEN it DONE!”

[DannyTN]

Southern Baptist, and we want Full Emersion.

Officer: Boudreaux, I see your eyes look a little red. Have you been drinking wine?

Boudreaux: Why no Officer. I see your eyes look a little glazed. Have you been eating donuts.

[RatRipper]

I am a life-long member of the Cumberland Presbyterian church, but attended a PCA church when I moved to another town for about a year in the mid- 1990s. My Dad was a Cumberland Presbyterian minister. Watch the movie True Grit and the CP church will be mentioned early in the movie. I think the girl was the daughter of a CP minister.

My Dad was raised Southern Baptist in SW Georgia and all his siblings remained Baptist. Probably 15+ years ago, I ran into a clip on the internet where a little boy was about to be immersed in the Baptist baptismal. He came running from off-camera at top speed and jumped into the baptismal with a big splash.

I sent one of my aunts a link to the clip with the note, “We Presbyterians don’t have this problem!”

We had a great laugh about that one!!!

[D Rider]

Heathen

[Persevero]

Finally, a doughnut I can eat