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As Nation Reopens, Churches Having To Remind People To Put On Pants
The Babylon Bee ^ | April 29, 2020 | staff

Posted on 04/29/2020 11:27:58 PM PDT by Norski

U.S.—Some churches across the nation have begun reopening, but pastors are running into a problem as many parishioners are forgetting to put on pants.

Having grown accustomed to attending church on their couch in their underwear, Christians are having trouble adjusting to the old way of doing church, where you have to put on clothes. "We'd just gotten used to rolling out of bed, plopping down on the couch, and turning on the service 10 minutes late," said churchgoer Peter Wiley. "Now, they expect me to adjust back to wearing clothes and brushing my teeth and stuff? No way."

"Remember, you have to come in your Sunday best -- or at least, put on some pants," said a visibly exasperated Pastor Gavin Stanley of Texas. "We had a small prayer meeting last night, and while most people put on nice dress shirts, most forgot their pants entirely. It was horrifying."

Parishioners are also forgetting to comb their hair and take a shower. But pastors' biggest concern right now is the pants. "Baby steps," said Pastor Gavin. "If we can get their pants on, we'll consider that a win."

"Plus, the churchgoers kept pulling out remotes and trying to mute me," he added.


TOPICS: Current Events; Humor; Moral Issues; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: humor
Reminder: This is the Babylon Bee.
1 posted on 04/29/2020 11:27:58 PM PDT by Norski
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To: Norski
” "Plus, the churchgoers kept pulling out remotes and trying to mute me," he added.”

OK. That was funny right there... ;-)

2 posted on 04/29/2020 11:33:44 PM PDT by EasySt (Say not this is the truth, but so it seems to me to be, as I see this thing I think I see #KAG)
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To: EasySt

I thought it meant put on courage.


3 posted on 04/29/2020 11:37:09 PM PDT by CondoleezzaProtege
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To: Norski

Mostly in Florida.


4 posted on 04/29/2020 11:47:25 PM PDT by Defiant (I hope the Russians trick me into voting for Trump again in 2020.)
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To: CondoleezzaProtege
” I thought it meant put on courage.”

That’s just Big Boy Pants.

They’ll settle for any pants at all, though...

And the fast forward on the remotes won’t work either!

5 posted on 04/29/2020 11:48:53 PM PDT by EasySt (Say not this is the truth, but so it seems to me to be, as I see this thing I think I see #KAG)
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To: Norski

HAHAHA! I can almost never get hubby to come to church with me (in fairness he works really late on Saturday night), but he’s been going every week since our church started doing FB live services. On Easter Sunday I insisted he put on pants!


6 posted on 04/30/2020 1:46:11 AM PDT by jocon307 (Dem party delenda est!)
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To: Norski

Seriously, I always thought news people overdress. Especially the women that wear dresses made for going to a nightclub. And why can't the men dress more casual. But I was thinking of a polo shirt and slacks, not a coat and boxers briefs (Reporter Will Reeve claims he's wearing exercise shorts. Well, maybe.).

7 posted on 04/30/2020 1:57:59 AM PDT by Daaave ("You Nexus huh? I design your eyes.")
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To: Norski

A podcast I was listening to yesterday afternoon predicted that people will continue wearing pajamas or filthy rags for every occasion, if we ever get out of lockdown.

I yelled, “No!!!” and my kids thought I’d done something disastrous with the casserole.


8 posted on 04/30/2020 3:03:11 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Make an animal friend today!)
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To: Daaave

>> Especially the women that wear dresses made for going to a nightclub.

I fail to see the problem here!


9 posted on 04/30/2020 3:40:14 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: Norski

Or a “Sunday best” dress. Look like a lady — don’t wear pants.


10 posted on 04/30/2020 8:08:58 AM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Norski

This is a joke article, but seriously, what states have re-opened churches besides GA, FL, SD (never closed), WY? The church of God is still prohibited from meeting here in Red-State-with-a-Blue-State-Governor Alabama.


11 posted on 04/30/2020 9:08:53 AM PDT by backwoods-engineer (Politics is the continuation of war by other means. --Clausewitz)
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To: Salvation

I will so tell the ladies.


12 posted on 04/30/2020 4:28:28 PM PDT by Norski
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To: backwoods-engineer

Perhaps a survey is in order.


13 posted on 04/30/2020 4:29:37 PM PDT by Norski
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