Posted on 04/18/2013 4:43:35 PM PDT by markomalley
Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new ”Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga graduate who just celebrated his 15th anniversary of priesthood told reporters that the idea came to him as he sat listening to the deacon read the epistle. “I looked out and saw all these college kids reading texts messages on their phones,” Conti said. ”That’s when I knew the Church needed to catch up or risk being left behind, so to speak. So I figured, heck, if they’re already on their phones, might just be easier to text them the prompts and they can just text back the responses.” Conti went on to say that people can think of the new approach to the Mass as a “Novus Ordo Low Mass,” in that it’s quiet throughout the Mass, but that the text messages are in the vernacular rather than Latin. 20-year-old Ganzaga junior Jane Douglas told Eye of the Tiber that the Text-Message-Only Mass has made her enjoy going to Mass again. “It’s sorta awesome now. Last Sunday I was texting my boyfriend and I got this text that was all like ‘Th Lord b W u,’ and I was all texting back like, ‘n w ur spirit ; ),’ and then went back to my boyfriend and decided we’d just go pick up my roommate Sarah and then go to the bonfire. I guess it’s just kinda cool to know you don’t have to leave your social life just cause your at church.” Conti says that if it weren’t for the distribution of the Eucharist, he would be happy to have the Mass go completely virtual. “I like to call it ‘e-fellowship.’”
Maybe the reason no one goes to Mass is that they aren’t Catholic anymore...
There is no reception of the sacraments via remote texts.
What a dualistic society we’ve become.
Is this satire???
Don't let that be a concern. Someone will develop an app to download a virtual Eucharist by the end of the week. (Somehow, that really wouldn't surprise me.)
My thoughts exactly. Imagine that, church interfering with her social life was such a drag. Where is the factory that cranks out people like this? (Don’t answer, I know where it is.)
It’s a bandwidth issue.
check the keywords and the topics.
lol...realistic enough to be very effective....nice.
I dunno, if I could find a quiet NO Mass I might go...j/k
satire
Satire.I got this one in my email a couple days ago...
Do Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?
It’s so easy to fool ole folks!!!
Judgement, Purgatory, Hell, Heaven: all face to face - no text, and not virtual
You know, this is a pretty brilliant idea. No, I’m serious. Now I need the app the enables me to send the MOVE YOUR REAR text to those folks who stand in the door of the train and block my exit.
Hard to tell reality from satire. Both absurd.
This priest needs some help in the area of relativism.
He is going down the drain, wouldn’t you say?
The Mass is a coming together. Not a staying apart.
Just another heretic with a “new” idea that doesn’t understand the basics of his religion.
https://www.magnificat.net/english/iphoneweb.asp
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