Posted on 08/24/2007 8:40:01 AM PDT by HarleyD
Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who has been put on the “fast track” to sainthood, was so tormented by doubts about her faith that she felt “a hypocrite,” it has emerged from a book of her letters to friends and confessors. Shortly after beginning her work in the slums of Calcutta, she wrote: “Where is my faith? Even deep down there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. If there be a God — please forgive me.” In letters eight years later she was still expressing “such deep longing for God,” adding that she felt “repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal.” Her smile to the world from her familiar weather-beaten face was a “mask” or a “cloak,” she said. “What do I labor for? If there be no God, there can be no soul. If there be no soul then, Jesus, You also are not true.” Mother Teresa, who died in 1997 and was beatified in record time only six years later, felt abandoned by God from the very start of the work that made her a global figure, in her sandals and blue and white sari. The doubts persisted until her death.
(Excerpt) Read more at foxnews.com ...
I didn't come here to slag on Catholics - I came here to defend Mother Theresa and the notion of (OMG) possibly having human moments of angst and doubt. The irony is layered, here. Great thread.
Accepted. And I apologize too.
Not me. That is the part only a few know about. Before this happened I was in no way shape or form ready or mature enough mentally or spiritually to deal with any of it. I excepted Christ IIRC about age 13 and I had my foolishness and stupidity of youth and young adult life to give account for. I paid for those deeds here on earth but they are forgiven in heaven but not because I deserve it.
GOD has a tool he uses to temper those he calls his own. Some need no tempering some need quite a lot. It's called adversity. Seems the stubborn one I was considerable amounts has been required. But without the tempering and without GOD's strength none of it would have happened. At 27 I was not ready for that and helping to raise two teenagers.
I've never felt since what I did in that hospital room by that I mean hearing the Voice of GOD assuring me in such a peaceful way. I know it happened. There is no doubt in my mind that is what happened. But I still have some real low turns in my spiritual life where I feel alone and even empty. Some are due to my own disability that developed afterward. Without GOD's help I would not have the concentration I need to make this reply :>} Some days reciting the Lords Prayer it is impossible to keep my train of thought. But what the mind and body can not do the Spirit does for me. :>}
I'm a sinner unworthy of any of the good handed me in my life including my wife whom I consider the biggest blessing GOD has sent my way. But without GOD sending her to me in such a way it was an impossibility that we'd otherwise even ever meet each other {another story of intervention} that I hate to think of what my state would be. I would not have grown I know that much. GOD has seen us through this and only through His grace has this happened for us.
I post it so those who have doubt and fear can read it and see maybe the answers to why's and how comes that raise doubts. The teenagers are grown with children. Their future would have been foster care. My wifes future would have been a nursing home and likely long dead by now. I would likely either be a Pot Head, Drunk, or both living in conditions that GOD did not wish I live in but my own bad choices would have caused.
Then again I can fully understand someone who has been handed such things and not being able to deal with them and heading to the bottle. It happened to a man I knew growing up. He was the community drunk a former Deacon who lost his wife and he could not overcome his pain. I saw more acts of Christianity in that man than I did many Deacons in the community. He fed kids that were not his when their dad would not. Nobody knew it of the man but a few. The neighbor of the woman with nine kids another Deacon would not give them so much as a drop of water from his well but asked them every Sunday to church.
I'd rather be the drunk facing GOD than the man refusing those in need that he could help water.
Thanks and hHe has. At least as much as I'll see this side of heaven :>}
I am touched by your post and am glad that you came on this thread to offer it.
Me three. Your story was powerful. I notice when I pray to God, Jesus is the one that answers. He speaks in very short sentences, typically along the lines of "you dipstick, you know better than that". The words are nothing like the rare encounter with the Holy Spirit, however. All the best to you. Sharing that could not have been easy.
I don't like the mans politics but Kris Kristofferson wrote a song that means a lot to me. It's called "Why Me." The last two lines are
"Try me LORD if you think there's a way I can try to repay all I've taken from you."
"Maybe LORD I can show someone else what I've been through myself on my way back to you."
Answers come in many forms. Some obvious some are answers like mine was you have to say OK now what? BTW I had more questions after that happened than before as I was quite confused. Some come later and some are NO.
At one point about 12 years ago I felt a calling to be a minister. I fought it, talked to my preacher, and finally said yes. As soon as I did the calling left. I did not have that placed on my heart anymore. What GOD was looking for I don't know except this. A few weeks afterward came more turbulence in my life and I was spiritually ready when it came. It was a series of events from my daughters serious car wreck to the onset my disability. I'm not going to die from it but my sensory processing system is a wreck. Thus no concentration, bad sentence structure, spelling etc. It made me more dependent on my wife where before she was dependent on me. It also took a burden off me that likely would have led to a stroke by now which was trying to hold down a full time job and care for her.
The doctors told me I'll never work again. That happened 12 years ago. I have no bitterness for what happened even loosing my first wife whom I dearly loved also.
GOd had place ministry on my heart but he also knew my future and the fact my wife could not had taken the pressure of it. She had too much on her plate that had to be dealt with also to finally give her peace. It was events unrelated to the quadriplegia though.
You are a very special man. Few people understand real love and even fewer are capable of practicing it. The world would be a better place if people carried love in their heart and lived the Gospel as you do.
My favorite people are the ones who turned their lives around 180'; who have gone through the fires of being tested and come out better for it. God bless you :-)
You do have a ministry. It's just a little different than you expected.
In Catholic terms we call it our vocation in life.
The calling only left as CVA66's chosen vocation. You live your life with Him, and, indeed, thousands have seen the story of your burdens in life. Wonderful things happen, too. Indeed, "answers [do] come in many forms".
"My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" Oh. That wasn't Mother Theresa was it. Never mind.
How about "Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believe."
??? Is this the right reference?
“Brethren, what shall we do?”
Unless, of course, those around Peter don’t count as “believers”...
If God gives us faith, how can we but not accept it? Faith is simply that, faith. God doesn't come to us and ask us if we want faith. This seems like simple logic to me.
This is Protestant teaching. Well, at least it was at one time.
See post 193. My example was an attempt at subtlety. No better example than His Son.
Peter was witnessing to these people. It wasn't that these people had believed God and then lost their faith. They were becoming born again.
1Jn 2:19 They went out from us, but they were not really of us; for if they had been of us, they would have remained with us; but they went out, so that it would be shown that they all are not of us.
And that is an excellent example of why we walk by faith, not by sight. We don't rest in feelings. We rest in the promises of God.
I think every Saint goes through the same struggles. Look at C.S. Lewis. Leave her alone, for Christ’s sake.
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