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~Saying good bye~
CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

Posted on 09/23/2003 6:48:59 PM PDT by carlo3b

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard
Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections
Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...
"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli
Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..
"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad



TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Free Republic; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: coping; grief; grieving; surviving
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To: Salvation
How wonderful it is, that you have found something like this to do. I can see that the work you do with the mission is very rewarding.. Giving back is a two way street... Thanks for your concern..
161 posted on 09/24/2003 9:37:29 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: MissAmericanPie
Prayers for you and your husband. I have walked your road before. FReep mail me if you want to talk.
162 posted on 09/24/2003 9:39:15 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Salvation
Thank you...it's good to remember that cancer can be defeated.
163 posted on 09/24/2003 9:45:13 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: carlo3b; All; MissAmericanPie; Freedom'sWorthIt
Another FR thread:

Who Here Has Lost a Spouse - How Did You Get Through This Experience?

164 posted on 09/24/2003 9:49:00 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: carlo3b
Sometimes life takes a terrible turn and you need a friend..

Or, a pan of fudge . . .

165 posted on 09/24/2003 9:49:15 PM PDT by Petruchio (<===Looks Sexy in a flightsuit . . . Looks Silly in a french maid outfit)
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To: potlatch
Thankfully, we both survived!!

Yes!! But I've got a terrible headache now!! LOL

Ouch!

166 posted on 09/24/2003 9:53:06 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: Petruchio
Or, a pan of fudge . .

Geeeze... Eni mini myni moe ..FRiend vs Fudge.. tough! .LOL . . It's good to see you my FRiend, screw the fudge, I'll take my FRiend Mr. Magoo any day!

167 posted on 09/24/2003 10:32:53 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Salvation
That is a wonderful thread.. but so sad.. Thank you my dear girl..
168 posted on 09/24/2003 10:34:22 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
And then there are the times we need to tell others they are friends, NOW!

A KEEPER

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my Father died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any
'more.'

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return.

So...while we have it...it's best we love it.....
and care for it .....and fix it when it's broken.....and heal it when it's sick.

This is true.....for marriage.....and old cars.....
And children with bad report cards.....and dogs with bad hips.....and aging parents.....and grandparents.

We! keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep.

Like a best friend that moved away -- or -- a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special.....and so, we keep them close!

You're a Keeper!
169 posted on 09/25/2003 10:02:41 AM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: WVNan
...my 22 year old son who died from bone cancer.

Oh hon! I can, yet cannot, imagine such grief, if that makes sense....
170 posted on 09/25/2003 10:06:48 AM PDT by Fawnn (God's in His Heaven (always true). All's right with the world (prayers needed for the last part))
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To: MissAmericanPie
Yesterday my husband was told his cancer has returned....

Prayers lifted for you and your husband. (I lost my husband to cancer in 1989.)

I don't know you so I hope my thoughts and prayers are received in the spirit in which they're intended. I'll say a special prayer asking God to provide you with the strength or whatever else you'll need to help you as you share your comforting love with your husband in the time you have left together. "Letting go and letting God" isn't always easy. (I don't believe that's because of any lack of faith. It's because we're only human, and He understands that.)

For some reason, "This Little Light of Mine" keeps going through my head as I write this....
171 posted on 09/25/2003 10:27:56 AM PDT by Fawnn (God's in His Heaven (always true). All's right with the world (prayers needed for the last part))
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To: Salvation
Have I Told You Lately . . .  
 
Have I told you lately that I love you . . .
How is it that we can go through life taking for granted all of those wonderful people that make life worth living, without ever telling them?

How could we be so distracted that we overlook the importance of the
devotion, caring, and warmth that our loved ones provide?

What would you do if tomorrow they were simply gone, vanished . . . forever . . .? How would you feel? What was the last thing you said to them? What would you say to bring them back? What would you do differently?

What if I told you that it isn't too late to say what you really feel to all of the special people that make such a difference in your world . . .

. . . and to all of those special souls that are waiting for us . . .

Tell them . . . tell them now . . .

Have I told you.. how much I love you . . .

Well, just in case . . . I'm telling you now . . . I love you . . . sealed with a kiss.


172 posted on 09/25/2003 10:29:24 AM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Yaelle
If anyone wants to send up a little prayer for the best redheaded boy in the world, please do.

It is my honor to do so!
173 posted on 09/25/2003 10:34:21 AM PDT by Fawnn (God's in His Heaven (always true). All's right with the world (prayers needed for the last part))
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To: hope
...please say a prayer for Josh and his family tonight.

I'm late coming to this thread, but prayers lifted now....
174 posted on 09/25/2003 10:36:16 AM PDT by Fawnn (God's in His Heaven (always true). All's right with the world (prayers needed for the last part))
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To: carlo3b
If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all its hiding places....

I seem to keep bumping into you -- but always late. Here's what I hope is accepted as my {{{better-late-than-never hug}}}.
175 posted on 09/25/2003 10:47:09 AM PDT by Fawnn (God's in His Heaven (always true). All's right with the world (prayers needed for the last part))
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To: Fawnn
I seem to keep bumping into you -- but always late. Here's what I hope is accepted as my {{{better-late-than-never hug}}}.

My dear girl, it's never too late.. {{{HUG}}}.. :o)

176 posted on 09/25/2003 12:03:12 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
You're still not getting my Bud light!

;^)

177 posted on 09/25/2003 12:04:51 PM PDT by DrNo
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To: DrNo
You're still not getting my Bud light!

JUST DAMN!.... *<):{

178 posted on 09/25/2003 12:44:55 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Fawnn
Thank you so much, Fawnn! Today is the funeral and your prayers are nevr too late.
179 posted on 09/25/2003 1:12:52 PM PDT by hope (Psalm 147:5 Great is our LORD, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure.)
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To: MissAmericanPie
MissAmericanPie,Prayer bump.
180 posted on 09/25/2003 9:11:22 PM PDT by fatima (4th ID prayers,Please don't ping me,not stable,ping at your own risk.)
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