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~Saying good bye~
CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

Posted on 09/23/2003 6:48:59 PM PDT by carlo3b

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard
Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections
Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...
"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli
Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..
"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad



TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Free Republic; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: coping; grief; grieving; surviving
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To: MissAmericanPie
Miss A.P., I am so sorry to hear your sad news about your husband. Weeks or months, I hope you and he will be able to make the most of every moment together.

Thanks to all for your words of consolation to me regarding my sister. She is 62 years old, just married off her youngest son, a grandmother of six, always full of life and vigor. Today I am feeling a little more optimistic. She is a fierce fighter, and if anyone can beat the odds, she can.

Thanks for all the FReeper prayers. They are most powerful. Strength in numbers. Faith in fullest measure.

Let's keep this beautiful hopeful thread at the top.

141 posted on 09/24/2003 3:52:58 PM PDT by Palladin (Proud to be a FReeper!)
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To: Pan_Yans Wife

Haven' t figured out how to enlarge this one !

142 posted on 09/24/2003 4:34:41 PM PDT by f.Christian (evolution vs intelligent design ... science3000 ... designeduniverse.com --- * architecture * !)
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To: carlo3b
Well, you'll get a little help, plus some prayers!!
143 posted on 09/24/2003 8:23:16 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: potlatch
Thank you so much, can't have enough prayers... and I love your tag.. (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!) now that is funny!! Hahahaha
144 posted on 09/24/2003 8:50:01 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Palladin; Yaelle; MissAmericanPie; hope; carlo3b
Continued prayers and a bump
145 posted on 09/24/2003 8:51:13 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: carlo3b
BUMP!!
146 posted on 09/24/2003 8:51:45 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: carlo3b
BUMP!!
147 posted on 09/24/2003 8:51:59 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: Palladin; Yaelle; MissAmericanPie; hope; carlo3b
Continued prayers and a bump
148 posted on 09/24/2003 8:52:26 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: carlo3b
Sorry about that, my computer paused too long, LOL!
149 posted on 09/24/2003 8:53:51 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: potlatch
I think we were both trying to post at the same time and we bumped into each other...LOL
150 posted on 09/24/2003 9:13:27 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: jellybean
LOL, I noticed that!!
151 posted on 09/24/2003 9:14:48 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: potlatch
Well, it was nice bumping into you ;)
152 posted on 09/24/2003 9:17:38 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: jellybean
You know, looking at the times being the same on our first posts, I wonder if that's why my reply just sat there after I pushed 'post'??

LOL, I was writing this when you pinged again! We really did 'bump' into each other in cyber-space!!!
153 posted on 09/24/2003 9:20:06 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: Palladin
Your dear sister is in my prayers. I believe in positive thinking, in sharing our fears and over coming them. I know you will be there for her when she needs to unburden her heart. I am here if you need to ask questions about how my darling and I have decided to scale this mountain and face the multitude of issues.
154 posted on 09/24/2003 9:24:10 PM PDT by MissAmericanPie
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To: potlatch
That was my thought exactly! We may have bumped each other off!! LOL

Sounds sinister...

155 posted on 09/24/2003 9:26:37 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: carlo3b
A fantastic resource for anyone going through a loss of any kind:

Beginning Experience

You can read part of my story by clicking on my name.
Salvation

156 posted on 09/24/2003 9:27:19 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: jellybean
Sounds sinister...

Thankfully, we both survived!!

157 posted on 09/24/2003 9:28:47 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: Elliott Jackalope
Going through the phases of grief takes time.

Also prayer will help with the instance you mention.

Also check out the source above or click on my name and click on the link to Beginning Experience there.
158 posted on 09/24/2003 9:31:51 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: carlo3b
My Daddy passed 7 years ago and I still have a hard time believing it. What he's missing with my kids - not to mention what they're missing - makes my heart ache. I can't count how many times I've said to myself, " I'll call Daddy, he'll know what to do " .... and then I remember. Death only hurts the ones left behind.
159 posted on 09/24/2003 9:37:13 PM PDT by Rainmist
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To: jellybean; MissAmericanPie
And from this website:

http://www.saintgeo.com/peregrine.htm

Cancer is limited ...

It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the spirit,
It cannot lessen the power
of the Resurrection.


160 posted on 09/24/2003 9:37:20 PM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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