The Marriage Strike - Why are men reluctant to marry?

Radiofree West Hartford ^ | August 13, 2003 | Wendy McElroy

[ddodd3329]

Why do fewer people marry?

According to a 1999 National Vital Statistics Report from the CDC, 7.4 per 1,000 Americans married in 1998. From 1990 to 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6. Different sources render other statistics but the trend remains sharply downward.

There is never a single or comprehensive explanation for complex phenomena that are rooted deeply in human psychology. Non-marriage is a particularly difficult issue to address because, as a recent paper from Rutgers University entitled "Why Men Won't Commit" explains, official sources are scarce. "The federal government issues thousands of reports on nearly every dimension of American life. ... But it provides no annual index or report on the state of marriage." Much of the discussion of the motives surrounding non-marriage must be anecdotal, therefore, relying on statistics to provide framework and perspective.

In examining reasons for the current decline of marriage, one question usually receives short shrift. Why are men reluctant to marry?

The Rutgers report -- admittedly based on a small sample -- found ten prevalent reasons. The first three:

They can get sex without marriage;

They can enjoy "a wife" through cohabitation; and,

They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.

As a critic of anti-male bias in the family courts, the reasons I hear most frequently from non-marrying men are fear of financial devastation in divorce and of losing meaningful contact with children afterward. (Such feedback is anecdotal evidence but, when you hear the same response over a period of years from several hundred different sources, it becomes prudent to listen.)

In a similar vein, the Rutgers report finds: "Many men also fear the financial consequences of divorce. They say that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They fear that an ex-wife will 'take you for all you've got' and that 'men have more to lose financially than women' from a divorce."

Increasingly, men are stating their reasons for not marrying on the Internet. In an article entitled "The Marriage Strike," Matthew Weeks expresses a sentiment common to such sites, "If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men."

Weeks provides the math. One in two marriages will fail with the wife being twice as likely to initiate the proceedings on grounds of "general discontent" -- the minimum requirement of no-fault divorce. The odds of the woman receiving custody of children are overwhelming, with many fathers effectively being denied visitation. The wife usually keeps the "family" assets and, perhaps, receives alimony as well as child support. Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.

>>>Continued<<<

[Joe Brower]

Perhaps of interest.

[KantianBurke]

oh boy. another marriage thread. :>

Can't wait for the lady posters who were married during the Ike administration say how today's wariness by men is nonsense.

[banjo joe]

Here's why (asbestos suit on)...
men give love for sex
women give sex for love
Guys hear too often from married friends that the "great sex" has stopped, especially after the first child is born and she transitions from friend and lover to mother.
Okay, that's natural... but she should not forget the friend/lover role that brought them together.

And in the 21st century... as loose as morals are... why keep a cow when milk is free?

Wish I were 20 again...

[ladyjane]

LOL

[ModelBreaker]

The statistic otf 7.6 per 1000 down from 9.8 is meaningless unless you know what percentage of the population is marrying age. I suspect most of this change is demographic. Marriages drop for the same reason that crime dropped in the 90's--the number of men age 16-30 as a percentage of the population declined.

That's the criminal age and the marrying age.

[MarkL]

Gee... I wonder why I'm not married...

Mark

[patriot_wes]

I saw a great bumper sticker last week, it said

Why Get Married? Find A Woman You Hate And Buy Her A House!

[MonroeDNA]

Good article.

[John Lenin]

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free anyways ?

[FourPeas]

Speaking as a woman, who's never been divorced but has divorced female friends, divorce is a pain for the woman, too. But, more importantly, why did men let this happen?

I'll repeat that: why did men let this happen? I'll admit I've not done the research, but it's a pretty safe guess tht when no fault divorce laws were inacted: most law makers were men; most judges were men; most governors were men. Why on earth did men get themselves in this pickle? And, why don't they get themselves out of it?

[Bubba_Leroy]

Why are men reluctant to marry?

Like my Grandma always said, why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?

[Bubba_Leroy]

Have you been talking to my Grandma?

[the gillman@blacklagoon.com]

Just a small matter, but among the many and growing injustices toward men, is the one where divorced men are forced to pay for illegitimate bastards from the wife's fooling around.

Even after DNA tests prove they aren't the father.

[Mr. Jeeves]

The Marriage Strike - Why are men reluctant to marry?

AKA: Mars Shrugged.

[patton]

Hello.

[ken5050]

me, I'm waiting for a polygamy advocate to chime in here..to say he's doing yeoman work..

[KantianBurke]

Cause this man made a BIG mistake as Gov. of CA when he signed into law the FIRST no fault divorce law:

[jjm2111]

Excellent article and an excellent term for it: "Marriage Strike".

I'm in my late twenties and really do not forsee myself getting married. I've heard too many horror stories.

The only exception might be to a Christian woman who takes marriage seriously. Other than that... [shrug]

[jjm2111]

AKA: Mars Shrugged.

Very Good.