Posted on 08/13/2003 9:40:36 AM PDT by ddodd3329
Why do fewer people marry?
According to a 1999 National Vital Statistics Report from the CDC, 7.4 per 1,000 Americans married in 1998. From 1990 to 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6. Different sources render other statistics but the trend remains sharply downward.
There is never a single or comprehensive explanation for complex phenomena that are rooted deeply in human psychology. Non-marriage is a particularly difficult issue to address because, as a recent paper from Rutgers University entitled "Why Men Won't Commit" explains, official sources are scarce. "The federal government issues thousands of reports on nearly every dimension of American life. ... But it provides no annual index or report on the state of marriage." Much of the discussion of the motives surrounding non-marriage must be anecdotal, therefore, relying on statistics to provide framework and perspective.
In examining reasons for the current decline of marriage, one question usually receives short shrift. Why are men reluctant to marry?
The Rutgers report -- admittedly based on a small sample -- found ten prevalent reasons. The first three:
They can get sex without marriage;
They can enjoy "a wife" through cohabitation; and,
They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
As a critic of anti-male bias in the family courts, the reasons I hear most frequently from non-marrying men are fear of financial devastation in divorce and of losing meaningful contact with children afterward. (Such feedback is anecdotal evidence but, when you hear the same response over a period of years from several hundred different sources, it becomes prudent to listen.)
In a similar vein, the Rutgers report finds: "Many men also fear the financial consequences of divorce. They say that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They fear that an ex-wife will 'take you for all you've got' and that 'men have more to lose financially than women' from a divorce."
Increasingly, men are stating their reasons for not marrying on the Internet. In an article entitled "The Marriage Strike," Matthew Weeks expresses a sentiment common to such sites, "If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men."
Weeks provides the math. One in two marriages will fail with the wife being twice as likely to initiate the proceedings on grounds of "general discontent" -- the minimum requirement of no-fault divorce. The odds of the woman receiving custody of children are overwhelming, with many fathers effectively being denied visitation. The wife usually keeps the "family" assets and, perhaps, receives alimony as well as child support. Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.
>>>Continued<<<
(Excerpt) Read more at dondodd.com ...
I've recently been reacqainted with my long dormant faith. If I marry, my family would be my #2 responsibility.
So do young girls.
How about those happy marriages? What, you mean the half that don't fail? The mythical long and satisfying ones? Yeah, I know a lot of those.
And yes, marriage for sex is stupid. Marriage for ANY reason is stupid ... at least half the time.
Why should a guy risk the messiness of divorce when he can simply live with a woman, and even have kids with her, then just walk way if things get dicey.
Funny? Well, despite the feminist studies to the contrary, the empirical and antedotal evidence that the average guy on the street encounters says just what this article does - men pay for the divorce with their livelihoods, the contact with their kids, and their lost years. Increased earnings? Yeah, tell that to the house framers and dry wall hangers living from the back of their '92 pickups.
I had heard this before - it's an argument to show that divorce is unfair to women. However, you can just as easily turn it around, and claim that marriage is unfair to men.
Personally, I prefer thinking that people make reasonable decisions - at least on average. Thus, this shows that men value marriage more than women do. They are willing to cut their standard of living - to pay more - in order to be married. Women, who do initiate most divorces, are finding that marriage is not worth the extra standard of living that they gain from it, so they leave.
It sort of reverses the conventional wisdom, but I think it is accurate. Rather, it is accurate for married couples. Married men generally value marriage more than the married women.
Drew Garrett
If there is any hope for the future of the traditional family, it will be among the most conservative evangelicals, the type that home school and attend the mst doctrinally sound churches. (Along with parallels among traditionalist Catholics and orthodox Jews.)
Doesn;t exist.
Mythical? My husband and I have been married for 30 years, and it gets better every year.
While you may not wish to make a real, long-term commitment or are unable to find a woman who is willing to commit to you, there are some couples around who have made that commitment and are very happy to have done so.
If you just buy the milk, your not stuck with a dern cow.
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