Posted on 08/13/2003 9:40:36 AM PDT by ddodd3329
Why do fewer people marry?
According to a 1999 National Vital Statistics Report from the CDC, 7.4 per 1,000 Americans married in 1998. From 1990 to 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6. Different sources render other statistics but the trend remains sharply downward.
There is never a single or comprehensive explanation for complex phenomena that are rooted deeply in human psychology. Non-marriage is a particularly difficult issue to address because, as a recent paper from Rutgers University entitled "Why Men Won't Commit" explains, official sources are scarce. "The federal government issues thousands of reports on nearly every dimension of American life. ... But it provides no annual index or report on the state of marriage." Much of the discussion of the motives surrounding non-marriage must be anecdotal, therefore, relying on statistics to provide framework and perspective.
In examining reasons for the current decline of marriage, one question usually receives short shrift. Why are men reluctant to marry?
The Rutgers report -- admittedly based on a small sample -- found ten prevalent reasons. The first three:
They can get sex without marriage;
They can enjoy "a wife" through cohabitation; and,
They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
As a critic of anti-male bias in the family courts, the reasons I hear most frequently from non-marrying men are fear of financial devastation in divorce and of losing meaningful contact with children afterward. (Such feedback is anecdotal evidence but, when you hear the same response over a period of years from several hundred different sources, it becomes prudent to listen.)
In a similar vein, the Rutgers report finds: "Many men also fear the financial consequences of divorce. They say that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They fear that an ex-wife will 'take you for all you've got' and that 'men have more to lose financially than women' from a divorce."
Increasingly, men are stating their reasons for not marrying on the Internet. In an article entitled "The Marriage Strike," Matthew Weeks expresses a sentiment common to such sites, "If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men."
Weeks provides the math. One in two marriages will fail with the wife being twice as likely to initiate the proceedings on grounds of "general discontent" -- the minimum requirement of no-fault divorce. The odds of the woman receiving custody of children are overwhelming, with many fathers effectively being denied visitation. The wife usually keeps the "family" assets and, perhaps, receives alimony as well as child support. Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.
>>>Continued<<<
(Excerpt) Read more at dondodd.com ...
That's EXACTLY what happened to me. I got married with the ceremony and all but the preacher lost the certificate and never filed it with the state.
The marriage rate fell from 9.8% to 7.6%. That is only a 20% drop. I don't know the exact number but the drop in the percentage of the population that is between 18 and 30 was quite substantial.
I'm still thinking that most of this statistic is demographics. In any event, the article is stupid. To throw this statistic out as if it were indicative of important trends in male attitudes on marriage and to ignore the obvious hole in the meaning of the statistic suggests that the author is either ignorant or, more likely, trying to make a point with a statistic that he knows will sound better than it really is.
Well, after the last child your wife wants is born, she starts giving little clues that sex isn't numero uno on the list anymore. Little things like, "I have to be back downstairs in fifteen minutes," using the remote control during sex, and questions like, "are you almost done?" tend to make guys a little less enthusiastic. After age forty, guys equipment gets a little less reliable, and the second time you hear, "I don't have time for this", your hard-on is pretty soft-boiled.
It is simpler. In a nutshell, the only way you can change outcomes of human behavior is by changing the environment that it occurs in. Outcomes aren't arbitrary though, and they can't be dictated.
People don't change their behavior in a vacuum, they react to their environment. Women demanding that men marry them in the current environment means that men won't enter any kind of committed relationship, not that they'll just give in and get married in a grossly pathological environment. Given these two options, women choose the committed relationship in the absence of marriage. If you want to change the choices, you have to change the environment they are made in.
Sad but true in many cases.
I had a bad marriage but out of it came 3 grate kids.
I don't and won't go into details of my personal life on public forums.
But even though my daughter was brought up by her Mother for 14 years 600 miles away from me, my two sons stayed with me and I drove many times a year to see my baby girl.
When she turned 18, that day she moved to where I was.
Now all of my children (hay good name for a soap opera dontcha think? LOL) live within a few miles and I have three fantastic grandchildren, two of whom are with me right now for the afternoon.
I had two of the kids, and paid child support to my ex for my daughter and I DIDN'T MIND cause she was my daughter and I wanted to help instead of fighting to have my ex-wife pay support to me...which I could have done.
Although I have been told by one who has no clue about my family that my kids and grandkids don't think I am a good man, we have one of the closest loving families that I know of. (I guess it helps that when 2 of them were on their death-beds {both pulled through thank God} I literally lived at the hospital so I could be at thier sides day and nite)
Now recently they have repaid me with same love.
Middle Age Crazy
Those kind of girls have about a s much sex appeal as a wet cow pie. Would you marry one ?
Prediction: You will become one of those thirty/fortysomething harpies that grow ever more desperate and complaining about men (you're already quite precocious in that department). Of all your worries, I would suggest you put being whacked for your bank account aside for now... first you would have to find a male that can see past your attitude to mate with you.
You are a perfect illustration of what Fred Reed calls "The Chip." You can look it up.
And if you have children, God help them. Because you won't, much. They'll be just more messed-up, bitter, divorce- or abandonment-kids who hate the opposite sex. Just like mom.
sorry about that....
d.o.l.
Criminal Number 18F
1 Cor 7:2-5
2 But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(ps. if one isn't between #1 and #2 somewhere, I'm sorry)
Those kind of girls have about a s much sex appeal as a wet cow pie. Would you marry one ?
No way. My point exactly. Why should any man marry when so many women act as (free) whores? Most friends I know are only serious with women from other countries, or from Asian or Indian descent. There are so few young American women these days who have any values left at all. From worshipping abortion, to laughing at religion, to being tattooed, Monica-like whores, they are a huge turnoff for most men of values.
Beware. I was involved with such a woman and seriously wanted to marry her. Fortunately I found out (BEFORE we went to the altar) that her heart was so full of Love for God that there was not the slightest bit of room in it for a mortal man.
After I dumped her she married a very Christian man. He divorced her after a couple of years. And got custody of their child. In California no less.
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