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Forget Halle - Southern men lust after grits
via Internet | July 10, 2003 | Tammy Carter

Posted on 07/10/2003 2:59:26 PM PDT by stainlessbanner

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.

"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.

"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."

"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."

They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.

"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."

Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?

I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.

"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"

"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.

It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.

"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."

Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."

"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."

So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.

"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."

To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.

"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."

Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."

The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."

Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.

"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."

About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.

"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"

My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.

"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."

Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?


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To: stands2reason
THANK YOU! I thought I was alone, and I was goin' to kneel on Granpa's grave out in Culpepper, and apologize.
101 posted on 07/10/2003 4:32:00 PM PDT by patton (I wish we could all look at the evil of abortion with the pure, honest heart of a child.)
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To: CobaltBlue
"Just eat it and don't ask."

;-)

102 posted on 07/10/2003 4:32:56 PM PDT by savedbygrace
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To: nutmeg
http://www.grits.com/

See also http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porridge
103 posted on 07/10/2003 4:34:54 PM PDT by evilC
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To: My2Cents
It tastes great. Sliced thin, fried crispy, put between two slices of buttered toast, it's heaven on earth.

Just never, never, never, never, never think about what it really is.

104 posted on 07/10/2003 4:36:01 PM PDT by savedbygrace
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To: StatesEnemy
I did my boot at MCRD San Diego (USMC), and they used to serve grits. I put butter, salt, and pepper on it, and it was pretty darn good.

Then one day, I saw a fellow recruit putting milk and sugar on it. I said "What the sam hill are you doing"?

He replied: "Fixing up my oatmeal".....

The scary part was, we were both right. The generic substance tasted like grits the way I prepared them, and oatmeal with his prep method.

To this day, I'm still not sure which it was......
105 posted on 07/10/2003 4:36:36 PM PDT by The Coopster
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To: Little Ray
MMMMmmmmmmm, love grits! Mix your fried eggs in and crumble bacon over=heaven!
106 posted on 07/10/2003 4:36:45 PM PDT by annyokie (Admin Moderator has got it in for me.)
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To: stainlessbanner
Being a Califronia boy and all, I used to make fun of people who ate grits. That is until I had my first taste of grits when I joined the Corps. Delicious! The perfect side with eggs and bacon, eggs and ham, egg and sausage, and even by themselves.
107 posted on 07/10/2003 4:36:53 PM PDT by semaj
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To: Thumper1960
You haven't LIVED until you've had Black Bear scrapple!

GAG!

108 posted on 07/10/2003 4:37:02 PM PDT by My2Cents ("Well....there you go again.")
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To: Pukin Dog
There are people in Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi who will shoot you in the head, if you put sugar in their grits.

I will shoot you in the head if you put sugar in your grits.

109 posted on 07/10/2003 4:37:46 PM PDT by William Terrell (People can exist without government but government can't exist without people)
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To: stainlessbanner
See my post #105 for a flashback.....
110 posted on 07/10/2003 4:38:06 PM PDT by The Coopster
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To: Husker24
Hominy is what Southerners do to your nice corn...
111 posted on 07/10/2003 4:39:20 PM PDT by stands2reason
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To: RetiredArmy
I am originally from Alabama....I hate grits.

I'll bet you had to leave Alabama one step ahead of the neighbors when they found out you hated grits. :)

Grits are the sauce and sustenance of Southern breakfasts. They are very bland, yes, but that allows them to snuggle up to fried eggs, swim in red-eye gravy, and bask with biscuits. The Waffle House chain, for instance, has complimentary grits, where countless Southerners have enjoyed the lowly but noble grits. Yankees have their fried slices of pork-mush called scrapple for breakfast, but the South has grits.

112 posted on 07/10/2003 4:40:39 PM PDT by xJones
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To: Delbert
Whats a grit?

It's a tiny grain of specially processed corn that gets hung between your teeth and increases your intelligence.

113 posted on 07/10/2003 4:42:16 PM PDT by William Terrell (People can exist without government but government can't exist without people)
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To: CobaltBlue
A really good gumbo will make you think of the ocean when you taste it.

...and should look like dredgings from the bottom of the Mississippi river.

114 posted on 07/10/2003 4:42:40 PM PDT by Ichneumon
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To: Mo1
Learn Southron Grits PING

So9

115 posted on 07/10/2003 4:42:46 PM PDT by Servant of the Nine (A Goldwater Republican)
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To: Pukin Dog
Fried okra is to die for! You yankee, you!
116 posted on 07/10/2003 4:45:02 PM PDT by annyokie (Admin Moderator has got it in for me.)
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To: CobaltBlue
What about people who put sugar in their corn bread? (*Shudder*). Although, I have to say, a bowl of corn bread topped off with a little molasses is mighty tasty for breakfast. I just naturally want to eat southern food. Fried catfish. Butterbeans. Okra. Corn bread. Turnip greens with pot likker. Fried green tomatoes.

Sugar should be confined to tea and juleps. Sugar on or in cornbread is a heathenish yankified practice. It is symptomatic of the creeping yankification of Southern culture. Anyone over the age of twelve who does that should be sent to a reeducation camp, made to confess his/her ideological impurities, and failing that, just purged. ;-)

Molasses is good on cornbread. Molasses with sausage is even better.

All the Southern food you mentioned is glorious but you forgot country ham with biscuits, sausage, pork chops, bacon, and the other fruit of the pig.

117 posted on 07/10/2003 4:45:09 PM PDT by Capriole (Foi vainquera)
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To: stainlessbanner
If you mix grits with tomato sauce and sausage it's great. Called pollenta.
118 posted on 07/10/2003 4:45:48 PM PDT by duckman
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To: stainlessbanner
It's all polenta to me.
119 posted on 07/10/2003 4:46:13 PM PDT by ricpic
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To: Husker24
Gumbo is a stew of shrimp, tomatoes, okra, green peppers, celery and onions with sassafras,served on rice. It is delicious!
120 posted on 07/10/2003 4:48:56 PM PDT by annyokie (Admin Moderator has got it in for me.)
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