Forget Halle - Southern men lust after grits

via Internet | July 10, 2003 | Tammy Carter

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I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.

"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.

"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."

"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."

They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.

"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."

Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?

I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.

"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"

"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.

It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.

"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."

Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."

"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."

So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.

"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."

To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.

"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."

Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."

The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."

Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.

"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."

About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.

"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"

My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.

"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."

Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?

[IYAS9YAS]

Well, it starts out as white or yellow corn and it's soaked in lye...or at least it used to be. Pretty awful unless you've aquired the taste.

Want a culinary shock? Go get a can (should be near the corn) and try it :^)

[mfulstone]

Whats a grit?

A macro-molecular unit of "Grits," AKA "Hominy Grits" or "Georgia Ice Cream."

IMHO, they are to die for...

[savedbygrace]

You can make up for it by developing a taste for scrapple.

[CobaltBlue]

Yes, gumbo is like soup, in much the same way that bouillabaisse is like soup, or chowder is like soup.

It's very thick, full of different kinds of meat.

The things that makes it different from most thick, stew-like soups is the roux, which is dark, as dark as you can make it without burning it, and okra, which makes it thick.

Some like to put powdered sassafras (file') in their gumbo but you can't have both file' and okra. Shouldn't, anyway.

A really good gumbo will make you think of the ocean when you taste it.

[Capriole]

God help me, I have tried to raise my children in the True Faith--No Sugar On Grits--but they have betrayed me. When I'm not looking they dump sugar on good Southern Christian grits unless I get there first with bacon and cheese, and even then sometimes. I feel so betrayed. It's like having a pair of closet Yankees in the house doing all sorts of unnatural things when my back is turned. What can I do to fix them? Maybe I should just duct-tape them to the wall...

[CobaltBlue]

Actually my favorite okra recipe starts with the little ones that are about 2 1/2 inches long, and just steam them until the little seeds inside are cooked. Salt and serve. That's it.

As you know, you don't eat the caps, but you leave the caps on when you steam them.

[TomServo]

I hate to admit it - but I loathe grits....

I know that's blasphemy down here, but....

[CobaltBlue]

Any man with the patience to make gumbo is worth having.

My grandmothers used little bitty frozen crabs to flavor the broth. Never asked either one to show me how and now it's too late.

Come to think of it, I don't have my dad's wild duck fricasee recipe either, but he's around to ask.

I finally figured out how to make one grandma's recipe for pot roast, recipe for fried chicken, and the other ones recipe for red beans after many, many years of trial and error.

[patton]

Get thee behind me, Satan.

[timydnuc]

I'm an old southern boy (Lubbock Texas). Until the most recent 5 years I had lived in Lubbock, TX and Baton Rouge LA. Just recently I went to New Orleans for a medical seminar with my lovely lady that is, as I am now, from Minnesota. My first breakfast in New Orleans was, as we old Texas boys put it, BEG (Bacon, eggs, and GRITS, it's the preferred breakfast in Heaven ya know). With a little Community coffee and some fresh FLA OJ.

I love my lady all the way down to her pretty little heals, but she'll never understand GRITS.

[Buck W.]

Lots of butter, lots of pepper. That's the way to eat grits.

[varina davis]

Catfish rolled in cornmeal and fried till brown and crisp in an iron skillet along with a side of grits and butter (cheese too, if you're trendy), is one delicious meal. Add side of fresh tender okra also dredged in cornmeal with a little flour and you have a crackin' good Cracker feast. Be sure to salt and add plenty of pepper. If you need a recipe for Older Than Dirt Stew -- Southern style, I have that, too.

[patton]

I was banished to MI for about ten years. My folks sent me care packages of scrapple, god bless 'em.

[CobaltBlue]

What is scrapple?

[null and void]

I always drool over G.R.I.T.S.

That's Girls Raised In The South. The finest kind.

Thinking of you...

[My2Cents]

You can make up for it by developing a taste for scrapple. From a scrapple website: "First, a few more words for the uninitiated... Scrapple is a processed meat product composed of cuts and pieces of meat which -- for one reason or another -- will not make meals in themselves. The bulk of these come to us courtesy of the face, head, and chest cavity of the common hog.

"Scrapple should never be confused with Spam. A product of the Hormel Foods Corporation, Spam is spiced ham in a can - ham being the upper portion of a pig's hind leg. Scrapple, on the other hand, is an amalgamation of tendons, cartilage, feet, skin, ears, nose, gums and more. In short, it's all the garbage that should be thrown away. Some people eat it. Really."

Gross...

[nutmeg]

What exactly ARE grits, anyway? ;-)

[My2Cents]

See my post #77.

[CobaltBlue]

What about people who put sugar in their corn bread? (*Shudder*).

Although, I have to say, a bowl of corn bread topped off with a little molasses is mighty tasty for breakfast.

I just naturally want to eat southern food. Fried catfish. Butterbeans. Okra. Corn bread. Turnip greens with pot likker. Fried green tomatoes.

Please don't call it soul food to me, it's just good cooking.