Young men are running from marriage

Orlando Sentinel ^ | 07/02/2003 | Susan Reimer

[Tank-FL]

Other than a 29-inch waist and a full head of hair, there isn't much to recommend the twentysomething male.

He is footloose and fancy-free -- except for the fact that he is likely to be living with his parents. It takes him longer to leave home than his women friends, and he is more likely to return.

He is, of course, sexually active and therefore at increased risk of unmarried fatherhood, but he doesn't especially like kids. He considers them a financial burden and an irritant in any relationship with the mother.

He is openly suspicious that a woman would try to trap him with a pregnancy or that a one-night stand would result in a pregnancy and a long-term parenting relationship with a woman he doesn't care about and doesn't want to marry. This fear, however, doesn't keep him from regularly waking up with a stranger.

He has no biological clock because he can father children well past middle age, so he is in no hurry to marry. He is looking for a "soul mate," and he believes there is someone out there whom he is destined to love.

[rintense]

So why use a condom at all then? My point is, if guys were truly scared about becoming fathers, they'd make sure there was no chance in hell it would happen until they're ready. The same thing with women.

Now, on the other hand, there are some horrible women out there who do trap guys, and lie about birth control etc. Unfortunately, those women give the rest of us a bad name- hence why this article talks about single men and their fear of being 'trapped'.

[stevem]

Per my friend, there are too many men interested in the frosting but not the cake.

I sure wish I knew what the answer to this problem is. Certainly, part of the problem is that there are too many women who don't exercise the supreme power they have in any relationship, the power to say, "No."

Yet that isn't the problem we both citing. It's my contention that there are still lots of fine and decent young folks of both genders. The problem is how to get them together. Who knows. Maybe there's something to the old adage that you have to take a chance to have a chance.

I know a young man that took a chance (not that long ago) with a lass I'm sure he considered at first to be "out of reach." The hand hasn't yet played out, but if it continues in the direction it seems to be, I think he may have hit the jackpot.

I refuse to accept that too few exist. I just think if people stay active, and make themselves available, eventually they must stumble into the right place at the right time. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[gridlock]

I was the youngest child in my family. I remember on my third birthday, my Father told me "fifteen years to go, and you're outta here!" He said the exact same thing, subtracting one year each year, until my 18th birthday, when I was, in fact, outta there.

It was the best birthday present any young man could get.

[Our man in washington]

Touche.

Oh, I will grant the weaknesses of the male gender. Lord knows, we have a few. But the cultural elite has done that topic to death, so I thought I'd offer the other perspective.

[Baseballguy]

I hope the government will treat Families with two kids and a mom and dad in the same house like a endangered spieces. I want cheaper loans, bigger credit, exclusive stores, catered food, and college tutition breaks.

We live in a time of capitalism. Why not make a compelete family a national treasure. Where you get a break cause of the structure of your marriage. If you divorce and remarry you dont get the full package but at a reduced effect.

Reason I say this is: I graduated college, never had sex with anything, turned down the loose women, and read a letter my dad wrote. He told me of a young lady moving from my home town to where I was living and reccomended me to get in contact with her. I have been married to her for 14 years with two sons.

NOTE for Washington DC send me a tax break that makes everyone want to be me. No more divorce crap. No more children of messed up parents.

A rule for any single guy is if you know of a wholesome girl its worth your time and patients to really commit yourself.

[Libertarian4Bush]

oh, I agree that it IS so, but some of the reasons given in that article are complete BS. hell, I was engaged at 21.

[Teacher317]

Interesting how EVERYTHING is the fault of women.

Not women, but feminists, liberals, and to some extent urban culture. This is what they intentionally wrought. They should be blamed, ridiculed, and detested for it and exposed for the moronic and destructive twits they truly are.

[nightdriver]

"He is footloose and fancy-free -- except for the fact that he is likely to be living with his parents."

For some reason this is strongly attractive to a large percentage of marriageable women.

When society has been denigrating the marriage relationship with increasing vehemence for the last 40 years or so, we shouldn't be surprised that is in a state of decline.

Without a mutual trust (difficult to attain, easy to lose), no marriage holds together. When women spout womens' liberation rhetoric at men during a courtship, they become a challenge for men to conquer, but not an attractive candidate for marriage.

[USAF_TSgt]

How to get them together? Easy, church (or synagogue in my case). Although I met me wife at college (evening classes, where people who actually want to be at college are there -- day college folks are usually there because Mom and Dad are paying).

[Baseballguy]

because not all men remain boys indefinitely

I bet this can be a perspective reasoning. Most guys are still in thier high school class, and like it there

[=Intervention=]

I love your comprehension of us guys. There's plenty of guys who DON'T MAKE ENOUGH TO BUY A HOUSE and CAN'T FIND A WOMAN TO MARRY THEM. There's a lot of suffering out there and a lot of lonely, basically decent guys. But decency, honesty, and all the positive character traits guys have don't go far unless we're loaded, social butterflies, and/or hot, I suppose (though to be honest, I don't know how the female mind works). In any case, your invecitive doesn't help.

[nightdriver]

"Men have been increasingly reluctant to marry lately, and we can't figure out why."

RE: Post #50 - Well stated!!

[=Intervention=]

I don't know many, but they are out there. I am one. One of my friends is another. A third friend of mine just got married, and he's 31. So please stop the generalizations, k?

[Ta Wee]

Interesting how EVERYTHING is the fault of women.

Not women, but feminists, liberals, and to some extent urban culture. This is what they intentionally wrought. They should be blamed, ridiculed, and detested for it and exposed for the moronic and destructive twits they truly are.


Unfortunately, any woman who believes she is human, should be paid equally for equal work (and I do mean EQUAL), and she ought to have a chance to be educated is branded a feminist.

This is hogwash. Long before feminism, I had the experience as a child of seeing my self-employed father disabled for months with no money coming in, and my mother without good jobs skills. When I was 10 years old, I decided this would never happen to me. Even GOOD men can die prematurely.

[Ahban]

now THAT's funny

[MissAmericanPie]

I think the article "generalizes" I prefer to believe my lying eyes. Most young people I know are married.

[RosieCotton]

I refuse to accept that too few exist. I just think if people stay active, and make themselves available, eventually they must stumble into the right place at the right time. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I think you're probably right...however, I think it's harder than it used to be. Not very many ways to just meet people casually. I have plenty of friends through church and music activities, but not many are my age. The ones my age all seem to be out drinking and acting up...not something that interests me. Maybe that's not true of every area, but it IS frustrating.

[ClearCase_guy]

The TV ads are constantly portraying men as stupid buffoons.

Yes indeed. Men get it worst -- but it is often aimed at both adults. The parents are often perplexed by enormous problems -- but then their 8-year old shows them the solution. Of course, when it comes to a particular gender being dumb, it is nearly always the man.

This is the soft discrimination of low expectations. Modern culture send the message that no one, not adult women, not adult men (especially not men) can be expected to be moral or responsible. They do what they do. Who are we to judge?

Some people grow up and behave properly, but they do it in spite of much cultural propaganda.

[=Intervention=]

I'm just saying that your experience can't be extrapolated to all of us, which is the same argument you make for the viewpoint of the article.