You Better Read the Warning Label (This is series)

Internet Chain Email ^ | May 30, 2003 | Unknown

[w_over_w]

In case you need proof that the human race is in series trouble because product manufacturers think we're stupid, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (this is series)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (given some of today’s parent’s . . . probably a good warning)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Huh?)

That’s it! But let’s conclude this post with a list a things that make you go Hmmmmmmm . . .

...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

[w_over_w]

I can never open the packet in the fist place!

I can!! And then the peanuts go flying all over the place and I get looked at like I'm a Dilbert.

[IYAS9YAS]

Steven Wright...The other day I....no that wasn't me.

[knuthom]

product manufacturers think we're stupid

They don't necessarily think the user is stupid. They think the jury is stupid.

[w_over_w]

I've noticed, as in the title of this thread, that many of you are using the word 'series'? What's up with that? Is it some play on the word 'Serious'?

Yes . . . sheeesh! Don't be so series! It's not that hugh of an issue. We're just trying to be funy. Now go take a shower.

[Young Werther]

...and the warning on a paint can, "Do not Ingest!"

[Cagey]

I've noticed, as in the title of this thread, that many of you are using the word 'series'? What's up with that? Is it some play on the word 'Serious'?

Do you have the need to knoe?

[w_over_w]

They think the jury is stupid.Interesting . . . my first thought was the OJ Simpson jury.

[Clean_Sweep]

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

You never know, someone might want to use them in their swiming pool for under water lights.

[Cagey]

Origin of Series

[Conspiracy Guy]

I loved the band.

[Big Mack]

The reason for these warnings is because 99.9% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name. I came to realize this when I put one of those cardboard windshield covers used to keep the heat out ofyour car in the summer. Printed on the back(facing into the car) printed in very large letters "Remove before driving." Nuf said.

[Billthedrill]

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

You must admit, it's very good advice.

[Sgt_Schultze]

Thanks

[Cacique]

ping

[FourtySeven]

I've noticed, as in the title of this thread, that many of you are using the word 'series'? What's up with that? Is it some play on the word 'Serious'?

Yes. Unfortunately for some hapless, over-enthusiastic FReeper one day, a spelling mistake was made in a breaking news thread, and he/she got mercilessly teased for it, and now it's become part of the FReeper Lexicon. Similarly "hugh" for "huge" and also "Keep me updated, I'll be in the shower", for a similarly (unintentional, on the part of the poster) humorous post posted by another (or maybe the same, I don't know) FReeper on a a breaking news thread. Enjoy. :) And watch your spelling. hehe

[Aeronaut]

Link to Steven Wright humor.

[Cagey]

The reason for these warnings is because 99.9% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

ROFL!

[w_over_w]

Agreed . . . see post #23. BTW, you grossly misspelled the word "enough". I'm shocked and deeply saddened.

[realpatriot71]

Some of my favorites are the car comercials. The "porche SUV" comercials stands out in my mind. Its the one where a guy is driving a RV get ups from driving, while on the road, to check out the porche SUV from the rear bedroom window of the RV, and then runs back to the driver seat to check out the porche SUV again as it passes him on the road. In little white letters at the bottom of the screan is this message: "Do not try this in your recreational vehicle"

HA!

[w_over_w]

In little white letters at the bottom of the screan is this message: "Do not try this in your recreational vehicle"

I've seen that commercial but I missed the warning at the bottom of the screen. Thank you . . . you just saved my life.